To ask how your dh/dp would have reacted in this situation?

[whirlygirly]

Bit of relevant background- I drive, dp doesn't - that's not a situation we can change unfortunately. The impact is that transport arrangements are entirely covered by me. I regularly drop him and dcs off and pick them up at convenient spots for them then go off to park the car. I cover all long distance family visits, airport runs, school runs and clubs etc.

Anyway, Dp has membership to an event which happens most weekends. He usually goes alone as it's in a city about an hour away but it's good fun to watch so occasionally I go along with the dcs.

Today I'd booked event and train tickets not realising the trains weren't running so it was a replacement bus service. It took no longer but was cramped and uncomfortable- none of us got to sit together.

Anyway at the event while dp was off somewhere we bumped into friends who offered me and dcs a lift home - but they only had 3 spare seats. We could either go straight with them or wait 1hr 30 for the bus home and then walk 25 mins back from the station. It was freezing so we accepted. I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station. He did mind. It turned into an awkward and horrible situation in front of other people.

I know in isolation I sound selfish and perhaps should have said no but then we'd all still be walking home in the rain now rather than the dcs being fed and in bed. Honestly, this is an utter one off, I can count the number of times I've had a lift with anyone else in the past year on my fingers. I'm a bit disappointed dp couldn't see this and just go with it for once to make my life easier.

Sorry this has got long - Aibu??

[luckylucky24]

My DH would have been fine. After his party last year we couldn't get taxi's so a family member offered a lift but could only fit a few in his car. Me, baby and 2 female friends (in heels) got a lift and DH and some other friends staying at hours walked home in heavy rain. No complaints.

[GeekyWombat]

My DH would have packed us off without a second thought who constantly puts us first. That said we'd have probably had an awkward 'no, YOU go in the car', 'no YOU go in the car' sort of stand off over which of us had the journey on the train (he'd still insist it was me though cause he's lovely about things like that).

[Pallisers]

Mine would have been delighted I got a lift and thrilled that he would now be picked up at the bus station instead of walking home.

My DH isn't a fan of public transport. So he probably would have offered to take the kids home and get them sorted while I (perfectly happily) settled myself on the train/bus with a book and some peace and quiet.

There wasn't an option for the husband to be offered the ride because then the OP would have had to walk home from the bus stop in the rain on her own - her dh doesn't drive. This way, she got a lift home and he got a lift from the bus stop.

Cranky pants is what I would think.

[peggyundercrackers]

If this OP had been a man accepting a lift and leaving you to get him on your own he would have been ripped a new arsehole. You were unreasonable to accept it without checking with him first.

[gchasbeeninmyhouse]

I would have talked to DH first and he would have said definitely get the lift.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

It's appalling that his first thought was for himself and not for his DC who would be getting a warm car ride home instead of freezing outside and then a miserable bus journey. He sounds so selfish it's untrue. My DH would definitely not have behaved like that. He would be pleased that the kids and I were getting home quicker and more comfortably.

It's a bit strange that some people think you should have discussed it with him before accepting. Would people really do that? Keep a friend waiting for an answer to a very gracious and kind offer because you have to seek permission from your husband to leave him to fend for himself on a bus for goodness' sake? I would tell my DH out of courtesy obviously but I don't ask his permission for things. Certainly not things like this which are a total no brainer because they are in the best interests of our children.

[Bahh]

@Pallisers but OP didn't leave her car at the station, she said they'd have all had to walk home? So it doesn't matter who does or doesn't drive, the person who did not get the lift home would have had to walk from the station alone.

[EdenX]

DH would definitely have wanted us to get the lift, no question.

Can't imagine an adult man wanting his family to have to hang around in the cold to keep him company instead of getting a lift home! How petty.

[OhfuckingShitBags]

I disagree Peggy. How does it possibly need checking? 4 people have long uncomfortable journey home, or 1 person does. Anyone who would be upset at by a decision being made on this without discussion is precious and unreasonable in my books.

And I think think the fact it was OK for the OP to decide it was her to go home in the car is more to do with the fact that it was her DPs event, not hers, and that she's does all the family driving rather than her being a woman.

[BackforGood]

Of course YANBU.
Dh would have been pleased for us that we could all get home so much more easily and more quickly.

[EdenX]

I would also accept before asking permission - even if he said no I'd have still taken the kids in the car.

[Pukepukepuke]

am I the only one who thinks it's a bit mean to go off if everyone was supposed to be together and the OP didn't give him the chance to say it?

[JanuaryMoods]

DH would have told me to go.

You are married to a selfish prick.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

How rude of him to make a scene in front of the people who had kindly offered you a lift! I'm guessing they won't be in any hurry to offer again.

I wouldn't be with the sort of person who would feel anything other than pleased that I could get a lift, take the kids home in comfort & get them cosy, fed & snuggled up in bed rather than waiting around for 1.5 hours, getting public transport home & then walking half an hour home.

He's was left doing nothing he doesn't do most weekends. It's not as if you abandoned him on a deserted island FFS.

Is he always this much of twat?

Does he generally have any appreciation for the fact you do all of the driving & clubs & stuff?

[AuldHeathen]

I think mine would have gone for the lift, with the dc. I'd have been less bothered by the replacement buses and enjoyed some peace from the family and driving. He hates the replacement buses. And he moans about it! My dh as he is these days would have made the meal on arrival home. Dh as he used to be wouldn't necessarily have done so. He did require considerable training. And I wouldn't have gone off for a lift without running it past him first.

[Bahh]

Can those insulting OPs OH make a reasonable case for why OP had to be the one to take the lift? What if it had been him who did this, is he then a selfish shit for leaving OP to make the trip home alone?

So, either way, husband is a dick just by virtue of being male. Nice.

[AnnIeAnoniMouse]

Bahh as you were in such a rush to put your equality hat on you didnt read the OP properly

I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station

[GwenStaceyRocks]

I'm not sure how my DP would have acted because I don't think I would have put him in that situation tbh. I'd have declined the lift because there wasn't room for all of us, we were having a family day out to watch DP and I'd have felt it was my fault that we were on a replacement bus service the bus because I hadn't known the trains weren't running.

[EdenX]

Bahh the Op could go and meet the dp at the station, whereas if he took the lift she'd have had to walk home in the dark and rain alone.

[Bahh]

Fair enough, I did indeed miss that.

I do still think a lot of these replies are really unreasonable though.

[Pallisers]

Can those insulting OPs OH make a reasonable case for why OP had to be the one to take the lift? What if it had been him who did this, is he then a selfish shit for leaving OP to make the trip home alone?

Yes I can. This way, the OP and her children got a lift home. Then the Husband got a ride home from the bus station instead of having to walk. Please see this bit from the OP

I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station.

So the choices were

1. everyone take a bus ride and walks home in the rain
   

1. dh and children get a lift and OP takes the bus and then walks home in the rain (her husband doesn't drive so no choice there)
   

1. Op and the children get a ride home then the husband gets a nice ride home from teh station (courtesy of his wife) rather than walking in the rain.
   

Is is really such a quandary????

[mellowfartfulness]

I'm the non driver in my relationship and I'd be perfectly happy for DH to take the kids back with friends and then pick me up from the station - everyone gets a better journey back, including me! I might get slightly flustered if presented with a sudden change of plan - but given a moment to absorb what was happening and why, I would think it was a great idea.

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

*I'm not sure how my DP would have acted because I don't think I would have put him in that situation tbh. I'd have declined the lift because there wasn't room for all of us, we were having a family day out to watch DP^
Same here.

[thewindisscaringme]

Your 'D'H is a prick

[peggyundercrackers]

I do still think a lot of these replies are really unreasonable though.

Completely agree. I wonder what the answer would be if you asked this question on a forum full of men - I'm sure the answer would be different from most of the people answering here...