To ask how your dh/dp would have reacted in this situation?

[whirlygirly]

Bit of relevant background- I drive, dp doesn't - that's not a situation we can change unfortunately. The impact is that transport arrangements are entirely covered by me. I regularly drop him and dcs off and pick them up at convenient spots for them then go off to park the car. I cover all long distance family visits, airport runs, school runs and clubs etc.

Anyway, Dp has membership to an event which happens most weekends. He usually goes alone as it's in a city about an hour away but it's good fun to watch so occasionally I go along with the dcs.

Today I'd booked event and train tickets not realising the trains weren't running so it was a replacement bus service. It took no longer but was cramped and uncomfortable- none of us got to sit together.

Anyway at the event while dp was off somewhere we bumped into friends who offered me and dcs a lift home - but they only had 3 spare seats. We could either go straight with them or wait 1hr 30 for the bus home and then walk 25 mins back from the station. It was freezing so we accepted. I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station. He did mind. It turned into an awkward and horrible situation in front of other people.

I know in isolation I sound selfish and perhaps should have said no but then we'd all still be walking home in the rain now rather than the dcs being fed and in bed. Honestly, this is an utter one off, I can count the number of times I've had a lift with anyone else in the past year on my fingers. I'm a bit disappointed dp couldn't see this and just go with it for once to make my life easier.

Sorry this has got long - Aibu??

Oh fgs - He's a black belt in a martial art. I'm not.

It would have been 2 taxis - one to station, the bus and then another home for me. He had the 5 min walk, the bus and then me picking him up.

I sorted the dinner and dcs once home.

I drop him, park and walk extremely regularly as it is. I am not a precious princess by any means.

There are some amazingly perceptive posts on here. I will give them all real thought. I'm not sure this kind of angst is what I want or need from my relationship.

whisky

The very first line of the OP says they can't change the fact the husband doesn't drive.

My DH and his Dad/DB are not particularly chivalrous. I think rough and ready or rough diamonds would be pretty accurate. But for any of them this would be a total no-brainer and I have seen it enacted many times when getting home on a rainy night from pub/church/event in the very remote rural area they come from. Mum and kids accept the lift, man walks home in the rain. Your DP has shown a very unpleasant and selfish side of his nature today.

There is no double standard in play here.

HE doesn't drive. SHE does. And she would have picked him up from the station.

As for Taxis, I imagine if that was in their budget, they would have planned to do that with the children from the get go. They hadn't. They planned to walk.

My DH would have been fine with it because it really is freezing and he is a very kind man. Without kids, I think he would have felt awkward.

FFS peggy the woman carts her husband around everywhere and takes her 2 DC to go and watch him indulge his stupid hobby that he goes to regularly leaving her with the kids. Then she had to go home and do bedtime as well. Would he have done it if she had given him the list home? I doubt it given that tonights behavior shows him to be a spoiled, selfish wanker who only cares about himself.

Any wonder men get a bad rep when theres asshole like this about who think their own selfish needs should be put before the children FFS.

The fact the dh doesn't drive is irrelevant. Both of us drive. But in a situation like you describe dh would be thrilled that me and dc can get home easily and comfortably. He wouldn't think twice. I'd probably phrase it like "friends have offered me and dc a lift so we can avoid the rain but can't fit you, is that ok?" But only because hats how we operate. I'd be very upset if he said no. But I wouldn't worry he would because I know he would consider it a win.

I think an earlier post saying your dh clearly instinctively doesn't trust you to be thinking of the greater good is very insightful.

And for the record, we have had situations like this the other way. Where, for example, kids are tired and unhappy and there's an option for dh to leave with them while I stay and it's fine too. Surely his is what happens in a healthy relationship - one or both of you make decisions that work for the greater benefit of the whole (family)? It does for us.

In fact, right now dh is off with ds and I am home with dd. It's not ideal for me or him but it WAS best for the family so that's what we did.

DH would tell me to take the lift. I wouldn't accept without asking because I wouldn't like it if roles were reversed but in reality he'd always make sure I got the lift and tbh he wouldn't care if I asked or not.

Peggy is being deliberately obtuse. Surely.

The OP is the one always doing the driving. Always doing the favour.

Once - just once! - she was going to avail of a favour. And even then, it would've involved picking the DH up from the station. Something he wouldn't have been able to do it return.

Some of the replies on here seem to be missing this significant point.

My DH would have been happy that me and the DC were getting a lift home.

OP is your H a twit often or is this a one off?

He should be thinking about your kids and want them to have a more pleasant journey home!
He sounds quite immature. However, I'd have taken him to aside before accepting to explain.

He is being a selfish twat in a sulk. Hope he comes out of it soon x

Just asked my DH, he would have been fine with us getting a lift. I don't think you've been selfish in the slightest. Your DH OTOH is being a huffy child. He should be pleased you managed to get the DC home, fed and in bed without having to trail them on a bus then a walk. That would have caused much whining from my DC, cold, tired and hungry, not pleasant.

My dp would have said go get the lift, but I would have discussed it with him first before I accepted as a matter of courtesy.

To answer your question OP, my DH would have wanted me and
the kids to get back in comfort. He wouldn't have given two hoots about his journey. He definitely wouldn't have made a scene about it.

As a general thing, whiny, sulky adults are a massive pain in the arse. Have you spoken with him since? Does he know that he was out of order?

Done it when two cars travelling back from hols one broke squeezed all except hubby in working car who waited for recovery. Who wouldnt go with this

If it was a group of adults out for the day I'ld be rude, it's not rude by default of the children.

DH would have been fine with us taking the lift. However if the situation was reversed I'd be as grumpy as when we got home. He's a much better person than me!

My OH would have accepted this no problem. I know he'd rather me (and any potential future children) got home as quickly and as easily as possible.

Just asked dp what he would have said if we were in the situation, he said as I thought he would - I get the kids home with the lift and then pick him up from the station, he wouldn't be bothered about getting the bus back by himself and would have enjoyed the peace, he would have been pleased I could get the kids home quickly and in the warm.

However if the situation was reversed I'd be as grumpy as when we got home. He's a much better person than me!

Same here

Except time off from doing 3 young DC dinner/bedtime is never a bad thing.

Quick clarification: You went to an event as a family and you took a lift home without your husband? Is that what happened?

OP, what did he think should have happened? You should have all waited for him?

I imagine all those slating the husband would be in here moaning like fuck if their OH had blagged a lift with the kids and left them to get public transport. Especially if it had just been landed on them and they hadn't been asked first.

Because of the driving/picking up from station elements, I think OP was fine here.

But there's a sexist undercurrent of 'my DH wouldn't DREAM of letting little old me get wet or walk anywhere.'

Men aren't any more waterproof than women. Actually, adults aren't more waterproof than children, either. Unless the kids are both under five I'm not sure the idea of them getting wet is, in principle, so horrifying.