To ask how your dh/dp would have reacted in this situation?

[whirlygirly]

Bit of relevant background- I drive, dp doesn't - that's not a situation we can change unfortunately. The impact is that transport arrangements are entirely covered by me. I regularly drop him and dcs off and pick them up at convenient spots for them then go off to park the car. I cover all long distance family visits, airport runs, school runs and clubs etc.

Anyway, Dp has membership to an event which happens most weekends. He usually goes alone as it's in a city about an hour away but it's good fun to watch so occasionally I go along with the dcs.

Today I'd booked event and train tickets not realising the trains weren't running so it was a replacement bus service. It took no longer but was cramped and uncomfortable- none of us got to sit together.

Anyway at the event while dp was off somewhere we bumped into friends who offered me and dcs a lift home - but they only had 3 spare seats. We could either go straight with them or wait 1hr 30 for the bus home and then walk 25 mins back from the station. It was freezing so we accepted. I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station. He did mind. It turned into an awkward and horrible situation in front of other people.

I know in isolation I sound selfish and perhaps should have said no but then we'd all still be walking home in the rain now rather than the dcs being fed and in bed. Honestly, this is an utter one off, I can count the number of times I've had a lift with anyone else in the past year on my fingers. I'm a bit disappointed dp couldn't see this and just go with it for once to make my life easier.

Sorry this has got long - Aibu??

In the circs I'd have been glad the DCs would be getting home quickly and wouldn't have to walk in the rain, user. Wouldn't that be any decent person's reaction?

Given who the driver is, the choice of which adult did what was obvious. No-one 'lost' - even the DH gained a lift home and dinner ready when he got there. What's to moan about?

My understanding is that issue wasn't so much the DCs getting wet (better avoided if an option though, surely?) as getting home before bedtime.

My DH drives and I don't. In the situation of we all walk home in the rain vs. He takes the kids home and then picks me up from the station of course we would go with him taking the kids home!

...and they would have had the arse duly handed to them on a plate, when the full background emerged.

But there's a sexist undercurrent of 'my DH wouldn't DREAM of letting little old me get wet or walk anywhere'

Is there? Can't say I saw any posts like that.

There could any of hundreds of reasons for one particular parent doing the dinner/bedtime with the kids instead of being the one on the train. Breastfeeding the youngest, in my case.

That was in reply to user/whatever-number

But there's a sexist undercurrent of 'my DH wouldn't DREAM of letting little old me get wet or walk anywhere.

No, there isn't. It just MAKES SENSE for everyone involved for the lift to be accepted with no hesitation. Why make life more difficult than it needs to be? - that's why my DH wouldn't hesitate to be glad we got a lift.

Ottillie but there's still a compelling utilitarian argument that says 3 people getting home easily and comfortably, and 1 less so, is better than 4 people getting home less comfortably.

Asked my DH his view, which was that of course we should take the lift and he'd get the bus, and your husband is being a dick about this. For myself, I can say that I'd be fine with him doing it if the situation was reversed and it was my day out which he'd come along to with the kids. I'd have been travelling home alone anyway if I'd gone by myself (as OP says he most often does) so it'd be no worse than usual, would it?

Liinoo I can remember my dad doing exactly that, like your DH/brother/dad did, when I was growing up. He walked in the rain to get the car many times so that my mum and I stayed dry. But then my dad was a sensible grown up bloke and this guy doesn't sound like one.

You did the right thing. Kids home earlier and fed and kept dry

You was going to pick up dp so he wouldn't get wet. He sulked and walked

IF he took car ride with kids you would have got wet as he can't drive to pick you up

Assume he has lost his license or else would attempt driving g lessons

And yes my df would have been fine with that. Obvious solution

It wouldn't bother me if it were DH getting the lift and me waiting for the bus. Op has said the DC aren't her DHs though.

Riding on public transport and walking in the rain is hardly coping with adversity. Presumably the DCs were dressed for the weather since they did the same journey to get there.
I'd find it sexist and patronising if my DH told me to take the lift. I don't melt in the rain and I didn't melt in the rain as a child either. If the timings and weather were such a big consideration presumably OP would have bought tickets for a different day when she could have taken the car.

Dh just said, "seriously? I get an hour and a half on the bus to read my book without the kids while you sit in a car with bored said kids. Then you get to cook dinner and put them to bed without me so I could relax in the evening? I'd be saying, go! Go! I'll see you at home, don't worry about picking me up, I'll walk. I get to be completely selfish without looking selfish!" yep just about sums it up! 😂

I think the OP knows that kids don't melt in the rain since she took the kids there on public transport/walking and fully intended to take them home that way too and that would have been fine, however when presented with a lift, there was no reason to not take the easier method which became available!

I cannot see how he could disagree with you all getting a lift and him returning solo to a warm home, fed and asleep children and dinner ready the only thing i was wondering about is if you were going to pick him up after the kids were in bed, who was going to keep an eye on the children, i apologise if i have already missed this answer I did try to read all

I think he should learn to drive. (Misses point)

The sensible thing would have been for one parent to go home with DCs in kindly offered lift. The other to go on the train. It shouldn't really matter who is who. It's beneficial for the DC to get home earlier and easier rather than later and more annoyed and they need an adult to go with them. I can't see my DH being upset about this. I might have offered him the choice to go with the DC, but he'd probably say no, you go.

jaks I assume DC are somewhat older (you can't accept a random lift for young DC, no car seats) and probably okay to be left for 20 minutes while she picks him up.

In our situation DH is the one who drives. If it happened the other way around I'd definitely say yes you go.

Reading between the lines That's not a situation we can change unfortunately means that dp is banned from driving? Not simply that he hasn't/can't learn to drive.

We have an identical situation, DH cannot drive and that cant change. He would have been fine with it, on the basis that its better for 1 to suffer than 4 if 3 can get a lift.

Fluff yes you are missing the point and probably havent considered that the OP said he cant learn. He could be blind FFS

Honestly it's a bit of rain guys, not acid falling from the sky

Not my dad surrendered his license due to failing eyesight. My aunt developed severe epilepsy after an accident and had to surrender hers. Many many people cant drive through no choice of their own.

So next week would the husband be right to leave the family at home as its obvious the kids can't cope with going?

It's quite possible that the friends who gave the OP and her DCs a lift home were specifically inviting her. Perhaps they wouldn't want to be asked to give her boyfriend a lift instead? (He doesn't sound particularly pleasant...) If someone offers me a ride, I don't think I can then offer the place to someone else, it's not my car.

Yeah ok fair enough - I was putting the fact he's obviously a selfish prick and combining that with not being able to drive and not being able to change that fact - I came up with my conclusion. Could be wrong!
OP? Why can your DP not drive?

Ah, yes, reading between the lines it seems that he has been banned from driving. As he is a black belt in martial arts and competes, it's unlikely he has a physical disability.

So next week would the husband be right to leave the family at home as its obvious the kids can't cope with going?

Huh? If someone takes a lift home it means they can't cope with going to the original event?

Does your family move in formation then?

(kind of interesting that "leave the family at home" though. Does he get to decide whether the family stays or goes? What does that "leave the family? mean - is he in control of movement? When they go to an event together is he bringing them - despite the fact that they can't drive - rather them just being a family out for the day. A close reader would have all sorts of fun with your post :))