To ask how your dh/dp would have reacted in this situation?

[whirlygirly]

Bit of relevant background- I drive, dp doesn't - that's not a situation we can change unfortunately. The impact is that transport arrangements are entirely covered by me. I regularly drop him and dcs off and pick them up at convenient spots for them then go off to park the car. I cover all long distance family visits, airport runs, school runs and clubs etc.

Anyway, Dp has membership to an event which happens most weekends. He usually goes alone as it's in a city about an hour away but it's good fun to watch so occasionally I go along with the dcs.

Today I'd booked event and train tickets not realising the trains weren't running so it was a replacement bus service. It took no longer but was cramped and uncomfortable- none of us got to sit together.

Anyway at the event while dp was off somewhere we bumped into friends who offered me and dcs a lift home - but they only had 3 spare seats. We could either go straight with them or wait 1hr 30 for the bus home and then walk 25 mins back from the station. It was freezing so we accepted. I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station. He did mind. It turned into an awkward and horrible situation in front of other people.

I know in isolation I sound selfish and perhaps should have said no but then we'd all still be walking home in the rain now rather than the dcs being fed and in bed. Honestly, this is an utter one off, I can count the number of times I've had a lift with anyone else in the past year on my fingers. I'm a bit disappointed dp couldn't see this and just go with it for once to make my life easier.

Sorry this has got long - Aibu??

[caramac04]

YANBU and I'm sorry your DP has made you question yourself. If this is a one off and he can see (maybe following day) that he was an arse then I'd accept his grumpiness. If he can't see he was BU I'd have concerns about how he sees your relationship and suspect your needs (and those of DC) fall well below his. Sorry he spoiled the outing and for you x

[BurningBridges]

So its Monday now, what's happened, is he all happy and smiley again or are you still public enemy no. 1?

[WilburIsSomePig]

YANBU. My DH can be a monumental prick sometimes but he would have been the first to say 'you go in the car with the DC's and I'll see you later'. You ferry him around all over the place by the sounds of things, it's ridiculous that be begrudged you and your DCs a lift home.

[Tapandgo]

My DH would have been delighted we got a lift.

[CotswoldStrife]

So when did he find out you had been offered a lift (you say he sits away from you), if as others said you texted him during the match/game then he had a bit of warning, if you just met up at the end when he was expecting to all walk back together I can see why he would be a bit taken aback and possibly feeling 'dumped'.

If he'd had notice though I would expect him to see the benefit for the children although I would also assume that you would not be able to pick him up from the station if you were putting the children to bed.

More importantly, it does sound as if you resent being responsible for all the transport arrangements (which is fair enough IMO). It might be worth starting to introduce the idea of taxis or similar to give yourself a break.

[NewPapaGuinea]

I would have waved my wife and DC off gladly knowing they were being spared the ordeal. What's the alternative; all suffer in unison?

[mydietstartsmonday]

I aan logies but i can't be arsed to read the whole thread, he is a complete twat to get upset and not want what is easiest for his wife and children. Nor should you have to check or consult with him. My DH would not even bat an eyelid but he is a decent human being. He showed him self up in front of your friends. Nothing for you to be apologic for.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

I aan logies but i can't be arsed to read the whole thread, he is a complete twat to get upset and not want what is easiest for his wife and children.

Well if you had RTFT you would know they aren't married and they aren't his DC.

[Bobbi73]

My husband would have definitely told us to get the lift. Absolutely no question. I'd have been happy for him to go instead of me too. A chance to swerve bedtime would be great...

[whirlygirly]

Don't worry about not reading the whole thread anyone!

To summarise -
He can't drive - serious medical reasons (doesn't affect him on a day to day basis but would with driving)
He was an arse yesterday. I was admittedly inconsiderate.
Today I have received a big bunch of flowers and he has taken the dcs out as I am not feeling well.
I've made it clear I am not up for a dramatic relationship and won't have the dcs exposed to it either. I meant it.
I'm not dependent on him financially or in any other way so he knows I mean it. That's about it.

I need to have a long hard think about whether this is an isolated incident of stroppiness or if I'm just with a selfish dick.

Thanks lego and everyone for your kind posts.

[ExitPursuedBySpartacus]

Good luck. In the nicest possible way.

[LuluJakey1]

DH would have been delighted Ds and I were getting home safely and in a warn, dry car. He would have been grateful for me picking him up at the station. I can't understand anyone wanting anything other for their partner and child at this time of year and this weather.

[LuluJakey1]

Just seen your update. He sounds like he realises he was unreasonable. 🙂

[MorrisZapp]

DP does all the driving for us. Before we had DS, he used to insist I stay in the car while he found a space and walked back with him, even if this meant driving past our front door. I accepted it as a passenger tax.

Since DS was born he pulls up like a taxi driver, says 'ok, you guys get out!' and then goes to find a space on his own. This is designed to look considerate but is a laughably thinly veiled scheme to get me to drag DS up three flights, get his shoes off, get the heating and kettle on etc while the chauffeur sits and listens to the final score in the car, in blissful peace.

[Leanin15yearsmaybe]

Mine would have been totally pissed...but that is one of the many reasons he is an Ex! I would imagine hope most 'normal' husbands and fathers would put their dc's comfort first....and you should definitely be the parent to take the lift given that you drive and can pick him up from the station/bus and that it is his hobby and one he would have gone to (and had to have taken public transport) anyway!!! Well done your friends for offering too

[redandwhite1]

Yeah I think my Dh would prefer us to get the lift - was he even ready to go at this point as seems you weren't together?

[Naicehamshop]

Yes - his behaviour sounds fairly entitled and selfish. Hope it was a one off, but I'd keep an eye on it and see if he does it again.

[MumsTheWordYouKnow]

Bahh no she did not create an awkward situation. My DP would have said that's very nice of you thanks and not minded at all that he had to go back on his own. Strange reaction mine would be glad of the peace and quiet and would want us to get home early so children could go to bed earlier. Sounds v selfish. So what if you accepted while he wasn't there, do pps think you should have said, thanks for your kind offer. One moment thought I'll just have to check with my partner if he'll mind is having a lift

[NotInMyBackYard1]

whirly you were not inconsiderate at all - but yes he was an arse.
I hope i was a one-off for your sake.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

I would imagine hope most 'normal' husbands and fathers would put their dc's comfort first.

I agree, however they aren't married and they aren't his DC.

[EweAreHere]

You weren't inconsiderate. You really weren't.

But I'm glad he appears to have recognized he was an arse about it all.

You now just need to think if that's what he's like ... because you and your kids don't need that in your lives.

[SundialShadow]

Mine would have put me in the car himself if he knew myself and the kids were offered a lift.
If I accepted without talking to him first, it would be in the full knowledge that he would insist on me having the lift.
He would probably ask me was I ok with him going for a pint or too as I was getting a spin home fully expecting me to say yes.
This is just common ordinary decency.

[MrsC45]

Yanbu. You did the right thing. Kids & replacement bus sounds like hell! Plus you didn't need to speak to him first, he was happy enough for you to organise the transport generally, he's happy enough to leave you in charge of the kids in general (so it sounds) and further he's happy to do his own thing on a very regular basis, so clearly there is a lot of independence in the relationship. He should be happy that the kids got home no fuss etc. My dh would not have huffed one bit at this! Sorry that you had this experience. I hope he's come round to reason by now.

[Leanin15yearsmaybe]

Ah well that's ok then piglet, as long as they are not his dcs and he and the OP are not married, then he can be a tool! 😜😉

[bummymummy77]

You were NOT inconsiderate op.