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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leaving kids behind to go on a two week holiday

163 replies

glasgowsfinest · 30/01/2017 21:59

Have totally got my judgy pants on, but here goes! My cousin and his wife have gone off on a 16 day holiday to Sri Lanka, leaving their three year old and ten year old with her mum. It''s for his 40th bday.

Now, part of me would love two weeks without my DD's. But I know, in reality, I would miss them like mad after a couple of days. I've had three days away before and was so glad to get back to them in the end (but if five days in New York were on offer I think I'd take it!)

I'm judging for;
1/ two weeks is a lot for a 3yo to be away from his parents
2/ It's a big ask of a nan to look after two kids for over two weeks. She's fit and healthy, but is it not taking her generosity a bit too far?

I'm not jealous, BTW, although that may be how it sounds. Honestly I'm not.

So, MN jury, what do you reckon?

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 30/01/2017 22:01

I wouldn't have done it. But to be fair, I find it hard to go anywhere on my own that I think DD would enjoy.

Different priorities I guess!

Crispbutty · 30/01/2017 22:01

Their business.. If everyone is happy, I don't see a problem.

Ragdoll545 · 30/01/2017 22:03

I couldn't do it! The most I have done is two nights and that was enough! I'd also be worried if something happened you could never get back quickly!

BigGreenOlives · 30/01/2017 22:03

You don't know everything that is going on in their lives - it might be just as it appears or there maybe a deeper reason - recovery from a health scare, need to recharge after a tough period at work. I wouldn't do it though.

SpiritedLondon · 30/01/2017 22:04

Yes I think it's odd but I've heard of parents going away before the baby is even 1 which I find supremely odd. I can remember my parents going away when I was about 10 ish and I absolutely hated it

2cats2many · 30/01/2017 22:05

Of course you're jealous. What other explanation can there be?

If everyone's happy, then it's really none of your beeswax. How you might feel when separated from your children has no bearing on how they should feel.

ThePinkOcelot · 30/01/2017 22:07

I couldn't do it. I wouldn't enjoy myself and I'd worry that they were ok.
We had plenty of holidays before they came along. Holidays are now family time.

early30smum · 30/01/2017 22:07

I wouldn't have a problem with it I don't think. It is a bit far away and a long time but if the grandma is happy to do it and the kids have a good relationship with her then why not?

Elcad · 30/01/2017 22:08

I would not leave my daughters for such a long time (especially the three year-old) but if it works for them... The nan might be overjoyed to have her granddaughters.

Anothermoomin · 30/01/2017 22:08

My kids would go bonkers!

There is NO way they would have been happy with this. Even if I wanted to go at 10 my DS would have written me cogent, well argued thesis on why this was wrong.

pipsqueak25 · 30/01/2017 22:08

been there done that, only one week though, doesn't make me a bad parent, all the dc have grown up well adjusted Grin and nan used to ask to have them to stay frequently -very hands on. feel free to judge that's okay.

Orangebird69 · 30/01/2017 22:08

My dsis and her dh went on hols for 2 weeks - I looked after her 4dc - who were 2, 6, 8 and 10 at the time. It was fine! If your dc was 3 weeks or 3 months I'd be judgey but 3yo will manage no problem.

Boulshired · 30/01/2017 22:09

If they spend good quality time with their children then I have no problem with this. I do not think it is a bad thing for children to learn their parents can do things without them.

maisybobbins · 30/01/2017 22:10

Ooooh no I couldn't do it. Two weeks would be about ten days too long for me to be separated from DC. Not judging them but it wouldn't work for me.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2017 22:10

What's with the judge and jury shit?

Does it make you feel morally superior? Confused

It's their lives. I'm sure they know what they're doing.

Writerwannabe83 · 30/01/2017 22:11

I'm normally quite uppity and things like this, however, this sounds heavenly for them!! It's a two week break from real life - let them enjoy it!

I'm jealous even if you aren't Grin

Original poster
glasgowsfinest · 30/01/2017 22:12

Pink Ocelot I also had a lot of holidays before i had kids, and lived in tropical climes for a while too, so I'm really not jealous (though lets face it who wouldn't want to be on holiday there now rather than friggin' freezing cold Scotland?!).

Fair enough all, it's interesting to hear different views on it. My kids are bloody hard work, and I crave time away from them. But when I get it, I always surprise myself at how much I am desperate for a cuddle!

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 30/01/2017 22:12

We went on our honeymoon and my dp and inlaws and sil helped with dd who was 1year old DS was with his df. We missed her but we enjoyed the time away we had. We have three DC so that opportunity has long gone but good for them it's a 40th celebration so I gather it's a one off

ludothedog · 30/01/2017 22:13

Mums net is odd at times. Suggest that you want to send your child to nursery or do some sleep training and you'll get a barrage of posts about attachment and how damaging it is to the child.

Holidays on the other hand seem to be sacred and you'll be told to mind your own business and that you're jealous.

I suppose that the kids will be fine with caring grandparents for 2 weeks but what message does it send them?

LEELULUMPKIN · 30/01/2017 22:14

YABU I have and would do it again. As a previous poster said, you have no idea what is going on in their lives and 14 days with their Nan sounds lovely. Some of my happiest days growing up as a kid were spent staying with my Nan for extended periods.

Pillowaddict · 30/01/2017 22:15

I hate this fashion of judging other parents. As if it isn't hard enough? People may have MH issues, health problems, be close to the edge with exhaustion, having relationship difficulties- or just need a holiday and be fortunate enough to have someone who also loves their children enough to care for them while they go and enjoy themselves. No doubt they will come home refreshed and no harm will be done.
It's not a competition about who can't bear to be apart from their children or who is the best parent - most of us do what we do with the best of intentions and life is too short to judge people for making different choices.

Scholes34 · 30/01/2017 22:15

How does your cousin's decision impact on you to warrant such concern, OP?

Original poster
glasgowsfinest · 30/01/2017 22:16

Worraliberty that's a bit mean, I admitted I was being judgy and am happy to be hear why I shouldn't be, how does that make feel morally superior?! I'm certainly not going to argue with people who disagree with my POV on this, as it's clearly a very personal choice.

OP posts:
Blueskyrain · 30/01/2017 22:16

It sets them the message that its important for couples to spend quality time together, and that they have a very important relationship aside from being just mum and dad.

i personally think its very healthy to have some holidays away from children, as well as holidays all together.

Providing the children get on well with the grandparents, its a lovely idea.

ToastieRoastie · 30/01/2017 22:16

My two went with their dad for a 10 day holiday at ages 5 and 8. I missed them terribly after 4 days and they missed me too - they clung on to me for a good few days after they came back and asked that next time dad takes them for less time.

It's up to the parents and you can't judge. I'd be getting my judgy pants on in secret and not saying a word to anyone about it in RL.