Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

leaving kids behind to go on a two week holiday

163 replies

glasgowsfinest · 30/01/2017 21:59

Have totally got my judgy pants on, but here goes! My cousin and his wife have gone off on a 16 day holiday to Sri Lanka, leaving their three year old and ten year old with her mum. It''s for his 40th bday.

Now, part of me would love two weeks without my DD's. But I know, in reality, I would miss them like mad after a couple of days. I've had three days away before and was so glad to get back to them in the end (but if five days in New York were on offer I think I'd take it!)

I'm judging for;
1/ two weeks is a lot for a 3yo to be away from his parents
2/ It's a big ask of a nan to look after two kids for over two weeks. She's fit and healthy, but is it not taking her generosity a bit too far?

I'm not jealous, BTW, although that may be how it sounds. Honestly I'm not.

So, MN jury, what do you reckon?

OP posts:

DontTouchTheMoustache · 31/01/2017 13:21

I couldn't do it, before DS was born in went on holiday for a week and missed the dog too much to enjoy the holiday so imagine I'd miss DS more....

bunnylove99 · 31/01/2017 13:22

Every family has different circumstances but I personally wouldn't do this because I know I would really miss my DCs after a couple of days at most. I also wouldn't want to spend our family's limited holiday budget on something the kids wouldn't be included in. I can't imagine mine preferring more 'time with granny' to a fortnight in Sri Lanka! No chance.

MargotFenring · 31/01/2017 13:23

I am leaving my 5 year old DS with his grandparents for 4 weeks in the summer holidays - they live in a beautiful, sunny warm country. I am taking him over and they are bringing him back a month later. They made the same offer every year to my older DS, and I never agreed. He is now 18 and looking back, I regretted it, as I was worried he would hate being away for so long so always said no. But I see now, he would have been fine. I get to go to work every day and live life as normal - albeit child free - and he gets to make pretty fantastic memories with his grandparents. So it is a vice versa but I don't feel bad, and wish I had done it with my oldest.

Nettlefairy1 · 31/01/2017 13:25

As most couples split when their kids are toddlers they may be making a very sensible decision to give themselves and their relationship a re-charge. whether or not it would be hard on their children totally depends on what the children are used to and their relationship with their grandmother. The UK is fairly unique in the extent to which parents take on the sole responsibility of child care - in many other countries it is really usual for there (at least sometimes) to be collective care of children. If they are spending the remaining 50 weeks of the year being amazing parents and have placed them in a loving grandmotherly environment then they are - in my opinion - allowed a break!!

middlings · 31/01/2017 13:31

31 years ago my parents and I went away for a three week holiday to a country where there were telephones but you didn't exactly run about making international calls.

Left at home were my two siblings, then aged 3 & 6.

Clutch away MN, clutch away.

Nobody was harmed in the making of that holiday. And there are no regrets anywhere as a result of it.

If I had the opportunity, I'd go but sadly, my DC are two young and grandparents too old to be left for that long.....must have a word with my DSis.....she might be up for it.

Violetcharlotte · 31/01/2017 13:32

I couldn't do it. Even going away for a weekend makes me feel like a bad parent. It's not so much that I'm leaving them, as they love being with my parents who live having them, it's more that I feel guilty for spending all that money on myself and them not getting a holiday too.

However, DP thinks I'm ridiculous as DC are 17 and 15, so I probably need to get over it!

I think if this family are all happy with the arrangement then that's their business.

bonbonours · 31/01/2017 13:36

If the gp is willing and able and the kids have been without the parents before and been fine then I don't see the problem. My parents used to have a week away every year and my brother and I went to grandparents, we loved it. Suspect we were older than 3 though I can't be sure.

The issue for me, which may not apply here, would be money. If we went abroad that would be our holiday budget blown. We can barely afford a holiday so the only sort we would consider would be one for the whole family. But if I could afford a grown up holiday too I might (probably not 2weeks though)

confusedat23 · 31/01/2017 13:41

My parents did this several times when we were younger (I am one of 3 girls)... I think it was really important for all of us actually. It meant my parents (SAHM and Director level DF) has a lovely well deserved break and we got to spend lots of lovely time with nan and grandad.

I think sometimes (and I know I will probably get shouted down about this) society nower days feels like if you have a child they need to be tied to your hip constantly to be a good parent. However my nan and grandad used to look after my cousins for the whole 6 week holiday! (I know that is a bit long and this was like 30 years ago) but they turned out fine!

If they as parents want to go on a 2 week holiday to a place where having children attend isn't appropriate then surely it is up to them? a 10 year old is going to moan if they are not happy and a 3 year old will not even remember it when they grow up!

motheroftwoboys · 31/01/2017 13:42

We often (together and separately) had to leave our children with a combination of nanny and my mum and dad because we had to travel for work. We also left them with my parents to go away for long weekends and a couple of longer special holidays. All was fine. We loved it. They loved it. We brought them lovely presents back. They are grown up now and we have the best relationship so it can't have done any of us any harm.

corythatwas · 31/01/2017 13:44

I probably wouldn't do it. Going to an interesting place and leaving 2/3 of my audience behind...nah, can't see the point of that.

But absolutely would not judge less narcissistic people who do do it.

OlennasWimple · 31/01/2017 13:45

I can't find the energy to get wound up about this.

The children are with their grandparent, not abandoned at home with a pack of Fruit Shoots and a bag of Pom Bears

Crunchymum · 31/01/2017 13:45

We plan to do the same for our 40th (we both turn 40 the same year)

Kids will be 7 and 5 then.

Maybe I am being ambitious as the older child [currently 4] only stayed out overnight at his aunt and uncles for the first time when he was 3.5 and the younger one [currently almost 2] still breastfeeds and has never been away from me overnight!!

Still I can dream!

confusedat23 · 31/01/2017 13:45

Middlings I completely agree!

DSIL could really do with a break away from DN and me and DH (currently TTC) Would love to have DN for a week (we have even offered to take him away) because thats the way I was brought up...couples still need their own time.

I wish I could get MIL to understand that one though!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7