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AIBU?

leaving kids behind to go on a two week holiday

163 replies

glasgowsfinest · 30/01/2017 21:59

Have totally got my judgy pants on, but here goes! My cousin and his wife have gone off on a 16 day holiday to Sri Lanka, leaving their three year old and ten year old with her mum. It''s for his 40th bday.

Now, part of me would love two weeks without my DD's. But I know, in reality, I would miss them like mad after a couple of days. I've had three days away before and was so glad to get back to them in the end (but if five days in New York were on offer I think I'd take it!)

I'm judging for;
1/ two weeks is a lot for a 3yo to be away from his parents
2/ It's a big ask of a nan to look after two kids for over two weeks. She's fit and healthy, but is it not taking her generosity a bit too far?

I'm not jealous, BTW, although that may be how it sounds. Honestly I'm not.

So, MN jury, what do you reckon?

OP posts:

Report

KERALA1 · 30/01/2017 22:39

Dsis and I were left with gps for 2 weeks - she was 2 I turned 4 while parents away. It was a once in a lifetime work trip. Poor mum cried every day and still wells up when the country is mentioned. Dsis and I were fine but put it this way I remember a lot about those 2 weeks. Would never do it personally if I had a choice.

glasgowsfinest · 30/01/2017 22:41

Thanks all. It's been helpful to hear people's views on this, and that my (personal private uncertain) judginess was not fair. I'm leaving the thread now (to go to bed, I'm not flouncing ), and may dream of my next holiday

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 30/01/2017 22:41

pipsqueak Exactly that! DS (17yo) has a day off school tomorrow and he's gone to stay with MIL. They've had a marathon of a tv show they both like and had pizza for dinner. He didn't have to go, but he wanted too. I love seeing the individual relationships they have with their GP's. I was very close to mine as they brought me up and I love that mine have the same with theirs.

Cazz81 · 30/01/2017 22:46

Totally unacceptable!

Totally unfair for the nan to look after the kids for such a long period of time.

They are a family now so kids should go too. They can easily stay in a nice resort where there is a crèche and kids activities.

If they just want the be the 2 of them then don't bother having kids.

They are being selfish!

foxyloxy78 · 30/01/2017 22:50

Totally being selfish!

JaniceBattersby · 30/01/2017 22:53

I remember my parents going away when I was 8. It seemed like forever and I remember feeling so scared, even though I was with my nan and sisters. I recently asked them how long they were away. Three nights, apparently. It seemed like forever when I was that age.

There's no way I'd leave a three year old for two weeks. At that age they have no concept of time, or of the fact that their parents will actually return.

pipsqueak25 · 30/01/2017 22:56

cazz but what if gm wants to do this ? can't really assume the dgc are being dumped on her,

Cherryskypie · 30/01/2017 22:57

It sounds amazing.

HopefullyAnonymous · 30/01/2017 22:57

We go on honeymoon later in the year. DCs 9 and 5 staying with my parents. We have a family holiday every year, although obviously won't be this year. I'm sure everyone will survive!!

MrsBlennerhassett · 30/01/2017 22:58

YABU their children are being well looked after by a relative. I think perhaps at 40 they wanted to go somewhere far flung that when they are older and their children are grown, they may not be able to manage.
My parents went to India at a similar time for those reasons.

Aderyn2016 · 30/01/2017 23:00

While I wouldn't do this with young dc because I would miss them too much, I can't get judgy about a couple wanting to spend some time just the two of them. It is important to protect your relationship as a couple, not just as parents. It isn't selfish ti acknowledge that you are an individual with your own needs as well as a parent!
If the dc have a good relationship with their gps and are well looked after and loved, then I cannot see the problem.

gingercoffee · 30/01/2017 23:02

It's clearly up to them, and so long as nobody's suffering then none of us have the right to judge whether somebody should go on holiday or not! I don't think that you're writing this out of jealousy OP. But if the grandma is fit and healthy and willing to do it, and both kids are happy to be with grandma then I don't see the need to question it at all really. Personally I might find it hard to leave my daughter for so long, but then I haven't tried it, so can't say for sure!

On this subject, I was surprised to discover a few years ago a postcard from my parents to my grandma, saying that they were having a lovely time in Italy, and how was the baby? (Me). I must have been less than a year old at the time. I asked my mum about it, and she said they needed a rest for a few weeks!

Chocwocdoodah · 30/01/2017 23:03

I once met a woman who told me her daughter had booked a month-long long distance trip before she got pregnant. Didn't want to cancel the trip so gave birth to twins and left them with their grandmother at 3 months old. I judged my arse off.

PutDownThatLaptop · 30/01/2017 23:06

Depends on the children concerned. I left my 2 and 6 year old DSs with their (youngish) grandparents for 10 days. They loved it and adored the ten days of presents that I had left for them. However a long time afterwards I left my 5 year old DD with DH for 7 days for unavoidable work abroad and she hated it. She missed me terribly. I would never leave her again because of that.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/01/2017 23:12

I don't know really. My parents separated and both would have holidays which didn't include me and my younger sibling. However, we always had holidays with them too. My own child is a year and a half old, so younger than their youngest is, I couldn't leave her for that long at her current age. Might feel differently when she's a threeanger though.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/01/2017 23:12

The nicest thing my mother ever did was make sure I had lots of wonderful holidays with my beloved grandmother

3luckystars · 30/01/2017 23:13

If I had twins I would take the boat anywhere. No judgement from me!

My friend had twins and I don't know how she survived. She left them in a moses basket one day for a minute and came in to find one sucking the back of the other ones head with the hunger! That was just the start of it....

SundaeLieIn · 30/01/2017 23:14

I feel the same as you OP. While they were little we left them a couple of times for a weekend away (nothing longer) but now I wouldn't go away without them. I know I would miss them and the experience wouldn't be the same. DH and I have nights out without them but couldn't imagine having holiday experiences without them and I know DH feels the same.

This is just how I feel though and perhaps it's the right thing for your cousin - although to ask someone else to care for your children for over two weeks when one of them is very young is a big ask.

SheepyFun · 30/01/2017 23:18

My parents did this when I was a university student (during my vacation), leaving me as guardian of my younger siblings. It was a great way to convince me not to have children of my own for quite a while - it was eye opening how much work it was (and my siblings were teenagers, so didn't need the level of care a 3yo would). The school seemed quite happy about accepting my signature on detention slips.....

pandarific · 30/01/2017 23:22

You're being mean OP. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and they will have a whale of a time with granny.

moomin11 · 30/01/2017 23:27

It's a strange one though... DP and I are getting married this year and were initially going to go away afterwards without our 2 year old. Now we're taking her I'm spotting quite a few raised eyebrows amongst friends and family for that! Unfortunately as a parent you'll be judged either way!

Badhairday1001 · 30/01/2017 23:35

I would feel so guilty going away without mine when I know they would love it. I couldn't do it but my partner would jump at the chance. It might be different though if I could take the kids on an amazing holiday too but I couldn't afford to do that so they would miss out. All that considered I'd rather go somewhere as a family.

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Caterina99 · 30/01/2017 23:38

I personally wouldn't go for that long. A week is my (theoretical) maximum. Just need to find someone to look after him for that week and I'll book those flights in an instant!

dowhatnow · 30/01/2017 23:40

I couldn't have left them for more than a few days at that age so I do slightly judge.

Tamberlane · 31/01/2017 01:07

My parents did this...I think for their wedding aniversery.4 kids 16 14 10 6.We stayed with different family members.

They both died when I was a teenager...I'm glad they got to spend time together as a couple who loved eachother on special holidays for special occasions as well as rearing us in a loving home...they didnt stop being individuals or a couple just because they had kids..its given me a high standard for relationships!

Myself and my younger brother had a great week with our aunty and cousins while my two older brothers stayed with our granny and other cousins...and we got lovely(tachy) presents and to hear about italy when they came home to us!
Nothing but happy memories!

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