leaving kids behind to go on a two week holiday

[glasgowsfinest]

Have totally got my judgy pants on, but here goes! My cousin and his wife have gone off on a 16 day holiday to Sri Lanka, leaving their three year old and ten year old with her mum. It''s for his 40th bday.

Now, part of me would love two weeks without my DD's. But I know, in reality, I would miss them like mad after a couple of days. I've had three days away before and was so glad to get back to them in the end (but if five days in New York were on offer I think I'd take it!)

I'm judging for;
1/ two weeks is a lot for a 3yo to be away from his parents
2/ It's a big ask of a nan to look after two kids for over two weeks. She's fit and healthy, but is it not taking her generosity a bit too far?

I'm not jealous, BTW, although that may be how it sounds. Honestly I'm not.

So, MN jury, what do you reckon?

[Purplebluebird]

Oops, not ignore you, ignore IT!

[Sallystyle]

Two weeks? No, I wouldn't do it.

A week I would do, but two weeks NWIH.

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

Wish my parents had done this when I was little. Could have done with a break from my controlling, martyr of a mother!

[MrsPeelyWally]

I've been to Sri Lanka, its a bloody long trek home if something happens and flights tend to be only a few times a week

I'm sorry but that's not accurate at all.

[sobeyondthehills]

I think it depends where as well,.
Example

DSis and DBIL go for a relaxing adult only hotel for a week- 10 days for their anniversary .

DSS's mum and stepdad went to Disneyland for 2 weeks DSS went and stayed with grandma.

[ExConstance]

I think it is a good idea too. Our youngest will leave uni this summer ending 26 years of continuous hands on and financial parenting. 26 years of putting two other people first, always having to make decisions about money and time which involve them. It is a bit of a slog ( and of course we love them both very much) I'm sure the children being talked about here will have a great time with their grandparents and their parents will come back happy and with their batteries recharged. When I was a child my parents always left us with grandparents until we were out of nappies (no disposables in those days) and once we reached about 13 and had different interests, I never gave it a second thought.

[SomewhatIdiosyncratic]

I wouldn't do it. The 10 year old is fine and likely to be easy company for the GPs to look after, however my 3 year old would get upset about it. I go away for a weekend a couple of times a year, and adult time is important, but a fortnight seems too long to be away from a young child.

I don't have convenient people to ask about having my DCs so we don't get much couple time. We did leave DS1 for a weekend at 18m and it was good practice for when I was in hospital for DS2 a year later. My longest time away was 4 days (they stayed at home with DH) when DS2 was 1. My biggest issue was engorgement!

For a young child with little concept of time, two weeks is a very long time to risk them missing parents. I'd also worry about the impacts on the grandparents as even younger active grandparents might underestimate how tiring young children are over that length of time.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

YABU - nothing wrong with it at all. Kids are safe with a close family member, they're probably having a ball and the parents are only gone for 16 days, not long in the grand scheme of things.

I love my son more than anything but I am very aware I need a life too.....so many people dread the day their kids grow up and become independent. I look forward to the day, circle of life and all that, and at least I can start living life for me again.

[OhhBetty]

I'm not really sure why you're bothered? Regardless of what anyone else would do as long as everyone involved is happy with the arrangement let them crack on! I hope they have a wonderful time!

[TheNaze73]

YABU, it's their call

[corythatwas]

1/ "two weeks is a lot for a 3yo to be away from his parents"

Doesn't that depend on the relationship with their nan? If they are very close, it might not be that different. When dc were young I often took them out of the country, away from their dad, for a month. I am sure he could have done the same, had the opportunity arisen, being a very hands-on dad who would have provided them with the same emotional closeness. And I can perfectly easily imagine a set-up where a nan might also have that close relationship.

2/ "It's a big ask of a nan to look after two kids for over two weeks. She's fit and healthy, but is it not taking her generosity a bit too far?"

Isn't that for the nan to say. For her, it might equally well be a treat.

My parents, who are in their mid-80s, still host children and grandchildren for several weeks in the summer, often feeding up to 15 people. For many elderly people this would be a massive abuse of hospitality: for them it is something they look forward to all year. I have often felt guilty when I leave- never when I arrive.

Come to think of it, they did take my then 11yo for a month when they were 79. I am sure they were well capable of handling him.

Having said this, at the age of 10 I would have wanted to come on that holiday to Sri Lanka. I did thrive on the sense that my parents enjoyed their holidays more because I was there.

[NarkyMcDinkyChops]

I reckon most of us think its none of your business, and if all parties concerned are fine with it, why would you care?

[lalalalyra]

What I'm taking from this thread is that my 3yo is too blase about being away from me

She's going through a stage at the moment, thanks to MIL having a rabbit that she adores, where if I go and pick her up from MIL's she refuses to open the door to me and says "Nooooo not yet Mummy!"

She'd love me to bugger off for another holiday without her!

Also my MIL is 67. She's fitter and healthier than me. She's retired because FIL's business did well and they retired early - her time is for her voluntary stuff, occasional emergency fostering when she gets a desperate phone call (though she's stopped that totally now as FIL recently developed dementia) and her grandkids. Looking after a child for a couple of weeks is a piece of cake for her - she thrives on it.

[FantasticMax]

Some of my best memories in childhood were the holidays and weekends we spent with our grandparents. I would love my children to have this too. The child-grandparent relationship can be very special and just as comforting as spending time with parents.
Personally, I wouldn't travel to Sri Lanka for 2 weeks without my children (too far and too long for me) but I think fair play to them, if all are happy and comfortable with the situation then why not.
I left my DD (then nearly 2) with grandparents for a weekend abroad when I turned 30 and had a lovely time with DH. Time nurturing your relationship is important and as we don't have family nearby we don't get this very often. DD1 enjoyed her time with her grandparents.
DD2 is only 4 months so not had a night away yet since before I was pregnant but already looking forward to the idea of it, whenever it happens!!

[PaintingOwls]

Time alone together for parents is important though. The kids will be fine. I was with my grandparents Monday - Friday for the first 6 years of my life and I'm mostly fine

[HouseworkIsASin10]

YABU I went on holiday every year for 1 week (sometimes 2) and left my DD with her much loved GM.

As a LP I needed that break, chill out with friends, relax and not be 'mum' for 24hrs a day.

DD had holidays every year with me, but for one week I went with friends.

Did not do her any harm at all, she thrived and was spoilt rotten.

Even with a partner I would leave kids and go away. They are not special snowflakes who can't live without you.

[PeachBellini123]

lalala - I hope my DS has that kind of relationship with his grandparents

I think if the kids and adults are happy then that's all that matters.

[bummymummy77]

Navy - you can so go to Sri Lanka for a week. I've done it twice. And once with dh who came from the US which is the other side of the world.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

Each to their own.

There are only 5 people that matter in this scenario.

The parents, the children, the grandma. If they are all happy with it/believe it works then that is what counts.

I hope they have a lovely 40th birthday celebration and rediscover themselves as a couple in the process.

It matters not what anyone else thinks or believes!

[KERALA1]

Same. Wouldn't judge others but know after 4 days or so the child free excitement would wear off and I would feel abit.... sad. I like being a family on holiday.

[life07]

I am single mum and once a year my parents have my daughter for 2 weeks while I go away.They have done this for years and my daughter loves it. She gets spoiled rotten while my parents get to spend one on one time without me telling them off for spoiling them so much and I get a break. Don't feel guilty at all. My nan's did the same for my parents when I was little and I never felt left out .best days of my life being allowed pizza for breakfast and just having my nan to ourselves.

[Namechangedforvanity]

I left my ds1 for a week aged 3 it was our honeymoon and we choose to stay in the uk just in case it was too much for him, he stayed with my mum who looked after him regularly and he adored so I really didn't anticipate a problem however when we returned my mum said she was pretty close to calling us back a few times as after day 4 he'd gotten distressed on a number of occasions. He's 9 now and if anyone mentions a honeymoon he will still talk about how mean we were to leave him!
I think 2/3/4 is an iffy age to leave a child and I wouldn't do it again. However I wouldn't have an issue with leaving a baby or 5+ for a week as long as they were looked after by someone very close.

[Namechangedforvanity]

Life07's post completely contrasts my experience, just goes to show depends entirely on the child in question! Hmm perhaps I should book a week away after all!