leaving kids behind to go on a two week holiday

[glasgowsfinest]

Have totally got my judgy pants on, but here goes! My cousin and his wife have gone off on a 16 day holiday to Sri Lanka, leaving their three year old and ten year old with her mum. It''s for his 40th bday.

Now, part of me would love two weeks without my DD's. But I know, in reality, I would miss them like mad after a couple of days. I've had three days away before and was so glad to get back to them in the end (but if five days in New York were on offer I think I'd take it!)

I'm judging for;
1/ two weeks is a lot for a 3yo to be away from his parents
2/ It's a big ask of a nan to look after two kids for over two weeks. She's fit and healthy, but is it not taking her generosity a bit too far?

I'm not jealous, BTW, although that may be how it sounds. Honestly I'm not.

So, MN jury, what do you reckon?

[confusedat23]

Middlings I completely agree!

DSIL could really do with a break away from DN and me and DH (currently TTC) Would love to have DN for a week (we have even offered to take him away) because thats the way I was brought up...couples still need their own time.

I wish I could get MIL to understand that one though!

[Crunchymum]

We plan to do the same for our 40th (we both turn 40 the same year)

Kids will be 7 and 5 then.

Maybe I am being ambitious as the older child [currently 4] only stayed out overnight at his aunt and uncles for the first time when he was 3.5 and the younger one [currently almost 2] still breastfeeds and has never been away from me overnight!!

Still I can dream!

[OlennasWimple]

I can't find the energy to get wound up about this.

The children are with their grandparent, not abandoned at home with a pack of Fruit Shoots and a bag of Pom Bears

[corythatwas]

I probably wouldn't do it. Going to an interesting place and leaving 2/3 of my audience behind...nah, can't see the point of that.

But absolutely would not judge less narcissistic people who do do it.

[motheroftwoboys]

We often (together and separately) had to leave our children with a combination of nanny and my mum and dad because we had to travel for work. We also left them with my parents to go away for long weekends and a couple of longer special holidays. All was fine. We loved it. They loved it. We brought them lovely presents back. They are grown up now and we have the best relationship so it can't have done any of us any harm.

[confusedat23]

My parents did this several times when we were younger (I am one of 3 girls)... I think it was really important for all of us actually. It meant my parents (SAHM and Director level DF) has a lovely well deserved break and we got to spend lots of lovely time with nan and grandad.

I think sometimes (and I know I will probably get shouted down about this) society nower days feels like if you have a child they need to be tied to your hip constantly to be a good parent. However my nan and grandad used to look after my cousins for the whole 6 week holiday! (I know that is a bit long and this was like 30 years ago) but they turned out fine!

If they as parents want to go on a 2 week holiday to a place where having children attend isn't appropriate then surely it is up to them? a 10 year old is going to moan if they are not happy and a 3 year old will not even remember it when they grow up!

[bonbonours]

If the gp is willing and able and the kids have been without the parents before and been fine then I don't see the problem. My parents used to have a week away every year and my brother and I went to grandparents, we loved it. Suspect we were older than 3 though I can't be sure.

The issue for me, which may not apply here, would be money. If we went abroad that would be our holiday budget blown. We can barely afford a holiday so the only sort we would consider would be one for the whole family. But if I could afford a grown up holiday too I might (probably not 2weeks though)

[Violetcharlotte]

I couldn't do it. Even going away for a weekend makes me feel like a bad parent. It's not so much that I'm leaving them, as they love being with my parents who live having them, it's more that I feel guilty for spending all that money on myself and them not getting a holiday too.

However, DP thinks I'm ridiculous as DC are 17 and 15, so I probably need to get over it!

I think if this family are all happy with the arrangement then that's their business.

[middlings]

31 years ago my parents and I went away for a three week holiday to a country where there were telephones but you didn't exactly run about making international calls.

Left at home were my two siblings, then aged 3 & 6.

Clutch away MN, clutch away.

Nobody was harmed in the making of that holiday. And there are no regrets anywhere as a result of it.

If I had the opportunity, I'd go but sadly, my DC are two young and grandparents too old to be left for that long.....must have a word with my DSis.....she might be up for it.

[Nettlefairy1]

As most couples split when their kids are toddlers they may be making a very sensible decision to give themselves and their relationship a re-charge. whether or not it would be hard on their children totally depends on what the children are used to and their relationship with their grandmother. The UK is fairly unique in the extent to which parents take on the sole responsibility of child care - in many other countries it is really usual for there (at least sometimes) to be collective care of children. If they are spending the remaining 50 weeks of the year being amazing parents and have placed them in a loving grandmotherly environment then they are - in my opinion - allowed a break!!

[MargotFenring]

I am leaving my 5 year old DS with his grandparents for 4 weeks in the summer holidays - they live in a beautiful, sunny warm country. I am taking him over and they are bringing him back a month later. They made the same offer every year to my older DS, and I never agreed. He is now 18 and looking back, I regretted it, as I was worried he would hate being away for so long so always said no. But I see now, he would have been fine. I get to go to work every day and live life as normal - albeit child free - and he gets to make pretty fantastic memories with his grandparents. So it is a vice versa but I don't feel bad, and wish I had done it with my oldest.

[bunnylove99]

Every family has different circumstances but I personally wouldn't do this because I know I would really miss my DCs after a couple of days at most. I also wouldn't want to spend our family's limited holiday budget on something the kids wouldn't be included in. I can't imagine mine preferring more 'time with granny' to a fortnight in Sri Lanka! No chance.

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

I couldn't do it, before DS was born in went on holiday for a week and missed the dog too much to enjoy the holiday so imagine I'd miss DS more....

[Namechangedforvanity]

Life07's post completely contrasts my experience, just goes to show depends entirely on the child in question! Hmm perhaps I should book a week away after all!

[Namechangedforvanity]

I left my ds1 for a week aged 3 it was our honeymoon and we choose to stay in the uk just in case it was too much for him, he stayed with my mum who looked after him regularly and he adored so I really didn't anticipate a problem however when we returned my mum said she was pretty close to calling us back a few times as after day 4 he'd gotten distressed on a number of occasions. He's 9 now and if anyone mentions a honeymoon he will still talk about how mean we were to leave him!
I think 2/3/4 is an iffy age to leave a child and I wouldn't do it again. However I wouldn't have an issue with leaving a baby or 5+ for a week as long as they were looked after by someone very close.

[life07]

I am single mum and once a year my parents have my daughter for 2 weeks while I go away.They have done this for years and my daughter loves it. She gets spoiled rotten while my parents get to spend one on one time without me telling them off for spoiling them so much and I get a break. Don't feel guilty at all. My nan's did the same for my parents when I was little and I never felt left out .best days of my life being allowed pizza for breakfast and just having my nan to ourselves.

[KERALA1]

Same. Wouldn't judge others but know after 4 days or so the child free excitement would wear off and I would feel abit.... sad. I like being a family on holiday.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

Each to their own.

There are only 5 people that matter in this scenario.

The parents, the children, the grandma. If they are all happy with it/believe it works then that is what counts.

I hope they have a lovely 40th birthday celebration and rediscover themselves as a couple in the process.

It matters not what anyone else thinks or believes!

[bummymummy77]

Navy - you can so go to Sri Lanka for a week. I've done it twice. And once with dh who came from the US which is the other side of the world.

[PeachBellini123]

lalala - I hope my DS has that kind of relationship with his grandparents

I think if the kids and adults are happy then that's all that matters.

[HouseworkIsASin10]

YABU I went on holiday every year for 1 week (sometimes 2) and left my DD with her much loved GM.

As a LP I needed that break, chill out with friends, relax and not be 'mum' for 24hrs a day.

DD had holidays every year with me, but for one week I went with friends.

Did not do her any harm at all, she thrived and was spoilt rotten.

Even with a partner I would leave kids and go away. They are not special snowflakes who can't live without you.

[PaintingOwls]

Time alone together for parents is important though. The kids will be fine. I was with my grandparents Monday - Friday for the first 6 years of my life and I'm mostly fine

[FantasticMax]

Some of my best memories in childhood were the holidays and weekends we spent with our grandparents. I would love my children to have this too. The child-grandparent relationship can be very special and just as comforting as spending time with parents.
Personally, I wouldn't travel to Sri Lanka for 2 weeks without my children (too far and too long for me) but I think fair play to them, if all are happy and comfortable with the situation then why not.
I left my DD (then nearly 2) with grandparents for a weekend abroad when I turned 30 and had a lovely time with DH. Time nurturing your relationship is important and as we don't have family nearby we don't get this very often. DD1 enjoyed her time with her grandparents.
DD2 is only 4 months so not had a night away yet since before I was pregnant but already looking forward to the idea of it, whenever it happens!!

[lalalalyra]

What I'm taking from this thread is that my 3yo is too blase about being away from me

She's going through a stage at the moment, thanks to MIL having a rabbit that she adores, where if I go and pick her up from MIL's she refuses to open the door to me and says "Nooooo not yet Mummy!"

She'd love me to bugger off for another holiday without her!

Also my MIL is 67. She's fitter and healthier than me. She's retired because FIL's business did well and they retired early - her time is for her voluntary stuff, occasional emergency fostering when she gets a desperate phone call (though she's stopped that totally now as FIL recently developed dementia) and her grandkids. Looking after a child for a couple of weeks is a piece of cake for her - she thrives on it.

[NarkyMcDinkyChops]

I reckon most of us think its none of your business, and if all parties concerned are fine with it, why would you care?