AIBU to feel irritated? OH kids reading his phone...

[Crowdblundering]

OH works away, other side of country then sometimes away for months (think military).

Our main method of communication is texting as often not able to speak on phone as driving/work schedules don't match (and OH has a habit of phoning but not having a lot to say!).

Also on his phone he has several very private photos of me.

He's on a course this week and in the town his DDs live in so taking them out to dinner (which is lovely). He phoned me then I received a missed call afterwards so I called back and DSD (she's 12) answered and said she had accidentally called me as playing with her dads phone in the car.

I have asked him before not to do this (and in the past the girls have read texts from me which have contained swearing/sexual innuendo) when I haven't realised he's with them and expected him to be reading his own texts.

They have their own phones that we gave them and paid for (my idea so they always have credit and can contact him/us - trying not to drip feed!) and DS's and tablets - so there is really no need for them to have his phone - and if they are making calls and reading his texts - what else are they scrolling through .

AIBU to feel miffed about this again? Or tell him to delete the photos and warn me if his children have his phone? I would be mortified and more importantly so would they.

I would get him to delete them anyway. Grim.

Well that's not really the issue is it and when in a long distance relationship these things keep your relationship alive - and seeing as we are both adults I don't think I really need to justify

Fuck sake you want to stop him allowing his kids to play on his phone for you? I think you need to grow up. It's his choice to do what he pleases with his phone.

They are not explicit they are just private IYSWIM - I am not some wannabe porn star 😊.

He does lock his phone and has fingerprint recognition on it so I am not worried about it lying around at work so much as him actually giving it to his kids.

I think he is perfectly entitled to allow his children to use his telephone if he so chooses. Now you know they do this I would make sure anything inappropriate is deleted and don't send anymore. I can't see it's that much of a hardship tbh.

You should be able to have an adult flirt /chat or pic session with your own partner without fear of a child snooping!!
He needs to tell them to use their own phones only!! Or tell him you won't be contacting him by phone again....

If you know he lets the children use his phone, make sure he has nothing you don't want them to see. Simple as that. Get on the phone, delete any messages or photos that are compromising.

Yeah or maybe tell him to take them off until he's deployed then put them back on (he had not internet or mobile signal when away - so Snapchat no good).

And a father should be allowed to let his children use his phone if he wants.

Do what a adults do delete dodgy texts. I think having dodgy photos on your phone is beyond silly and my dh works away too.

If your dh can't.be arsed to delete such texts don't send them.

You should be able to have an adult flirt /chat or pic session with your own partner without fear of a child snooping!!

OR

you should be able to give your child your phone at any time without having to worry about your oh having an issue with it.

Agree with the others. He obviously doesn't seem the pics as private as you do so use Snapchat or similar so there's no trail.

Get him to download a photolocker app.

I personally never let anyone other than him look at or use my phone.

I never let my kids use my phone when they were younger as they had their own.

He does see them as private as has them in a separate file but it's not locked or anything - and he agreed when we had words before.

What does a photolocker app do?

You don't want the children reasing messages from you.

Fair enough.

But why should the children lose out.

The solution is so simple. Your husband deletes them.

Correct me if I'm wrong OP but it's coming across that you'd be annoyed with his DC having his phone even if there wasn't offensive/explicit material from you on there?

No I am not annoyed with them having his phone at all - but they do have their own phones so there is no need for them to have his.

I am of the school of thought that a mobile phone is a private possession and if it belongs to an adult it's private and not for the eyes of children or anyone else - (like a ladies handbag used to be). I never get people allowing kids to play on their phones.

He actively encourages me to send him photos and he saves them for when he goes away for long periods and we cannot communicate with each other.

I normally know when he's on his way home with the kids/kids are in the car so will be more guarded as he has let them read stuff in the past (just a fucking this and that thrown into a text).

How are the kids losing out?

They've got their own phones.

Still, if you know that he lets them use it, I guess you'll have to not send anything that you wouldn't want them to read.

Odd to me, I've never read anything on my husband's or kids phones nor have they on mine.

My best friend and I use daily to have quite serious convos by text and also some ridiculous ones with swearing and venting etc. Then I realised her DCs play with her phone, borrow it to call their dad etc so I stopped the serious stuff and just kept it to light stuff and "are you free for a chat?" Texts so I can ring her instead.

I think that's what you'll have to do TBH. Yeah you might want to be racy etc but you and he have kids. You have to adjust your life when kids are involved. Its just what you do. Now that you know his kids use his phone you really can't blame anyone if you choose to send him something and they see it.

I think I feel annoyed at him for putting them/me in a potentially very embarrassing situation and I feel a bit like he's breaking my trust

I love my DDs very much I don't resent them for anything.

I see this as quite disrespectful from dp to everyone. Firstly, he and his partner need to have a forum for private conversations, and he's not respecting that. Secondly, kids don't want to see those pics! And, depending how graphic they are, it might be a crime to have shared them with him.
But OPs a step mum type figured so it's Her job to make sure do behaves properly!

I don't know why everyone's being so hard in you OP

I'm sure the kids won't be scarred for life from not being able to use their dad's phone. (why do they even have to when they have their own anyway?!)

Why do we have to automatically share every single possession we own with our kids? Make it clear to him OP that he either stops them having it or all the flirty chats and pics stop.