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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel irritated? OH kids reading his phone...

220 replies

Crowdblundering · 24/01/2017 16:45

OH works away, other side of country then sometimes away for months (think military).

Our main method of communication is texting as often not able to speak on phone as driving/work schedules don't match (and OH has a habit of phoning but not having a lot to say!).

Also on his phone he has several very private photos of me.

He's on a course this week and in the town his DDs live in so taking them out to dinner (which is lovely). He phoned me then I received a missed call afterwards so I called back and DSD (she's 12) answered and said she had accidentally called me as playing with her dads phone in the car.

I have asked him before not to do this (and in the past the girls have read texts from me which have contained swearing/sexual innuendo) when I haven't realised he's with them and expected him to be reading his own texts.

They have their own phones that we gave them and paid for (my idea so they always have credit and can contact him/us - trying not to drip feed!) and DS's and tablets - so there is really no need for them to have his phone - and if they are making calls and reading his texts - what else are they scrolling through .

AIBU to feel miffed about this again? Or tell him to delete the photos and warn me if his children have his phone? I would be mortified and more importantly so would they.

OP posts:

OneWithTheForce · 24/01/2017 22:06

Since when is it a crime to teach children that something's are private?

Who said it was?

birdybirdywoofwoof · 24/01/2017 22:06

It's not private. It's a phone.

Don't put private things on your phone.

OneWithTheForce · 24/01/2017 22:08

So just tell him to stop it

and if he's a good little boy he'll do as he's told.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 24/01/2017 22:09

Oh I can email him when he's textable but his emails go to his phone too and his laptop which he allows DSD1 to do her homework on even though she has her own laptop

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 24/01/2017 22:09

Another vote for the OP.

Mind you, they'll likely only need to come across some risque photo once to cure them of any urge to use their father's phone ever again.

But I wouldn't be sending him anything remotely titillating until he learns some respect for your feelings.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 24/01/2017 22:10

Don't put private things on your phone.

To me my phone is very private

OP posts:

laidbackmummy13 · 24/01/2017 22:10

Of course a phone is private! God knows mine is and I don't have anything they couldn't see or read on there! Doesn't mean it's not private.

OneWithTheForce · 24/01/2017 22:10

Btw are you really sure about marrying this guy? You've had two threads (that I've seen, there's maybe more) within a couple of days about his different parenting style. This is 6 years into your relationship. If he was going to change he would have by now. This is who he is and this is how he parents. This is what you're choosing.

oblada · 24/01/2017 22:10

But it could be hurting her since the children could be reading messages that are inappropriate for them to read. As OP said it is not just the sexual/inappropriate pics.
I have everything on my phone incl emails and I wouldn't want anybody trawling through those. My OH yes most likely. Anyone else (even children when older) no.
Anyway clearly there are quite a few ppl out there happy to disregard their partner's wishes and feelings.... To each their own!

Yukbuck · 24/01/2017 22:10

Op you do know that just because there's thumb recognition on the phone... there's still ways of accessing it? If someone stole the phone, there are ways of getting into it!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 24/01/2017 22:11

It's not private. It's a phone.

My phone is as private as it possibly can be. Passwords, fingerprint recognition etc.

Obviously there are no guarantees.

OneWithTheForce · 24/01/2017 22:12

But it could be hurting her since the children could be reading messages that are inappropriate for them to read.

That's why people are telling her to stop sending them! Christ. It really isn't difficult.

Reality16 · 24/01/2017 22:15

Since when is it a crime to teach children that something's are private?. Well it's not. But the partner isn't teaching his kids his phone is private because he is happy for them to use it. So what? Some people do some people don't. Tags fine whatever people choose. Problem is when an adult tries to tell another adult what they can do with their phone and their children.

For the record if I am driving and a message pops up from my DH I always say to my teens, oh see what he wants will you with a roll of my eyes.

oblada · 24/01/2017 22:15

Onewiththeforce - they are apart a lot so rely on those forms of communication it's not hard to grasp! Have you never been apart from your OH? Never emailed/texted them things that you don't want others to read? Not necessarily sexual, just private matters?? Do you just rely on verbal communication at all times?
Of course a phone's privacy isn't guaranteed but surely most of us send messages in some way or the others that we consider private and wouldn't want others to read....

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 24/01/2017 22:16

You can wipe the phone remotely if it is stolen you know.

Yes one poor form though it is to bring up another thread - I posted in step parenting the other day venting about a damaged curtain rail - I thought it would be okay to do that in step parenting.

I was flamed for not having a spare room in my house for my step kids who visit twice a month.

Most people who have 6 kids between them with various exes will struggle with the parenting of those children - esp as clearly OH is not here and has never been a FT parent whereas I have bought up my 3 alone.

That doesn't mean I need to LTB - does it - or does everyone on MN have a perfect relationship- if they did there would be no posts?

OP posts:

Reality16 · 24/01/2017 22:18

Of course a phone is private why of course? Yours is to you but mine isn't to me. There is no of course about it. Different strokes an all that

birdybirdywoofwoof · 24/01/2017 22:19

To me my phone is very private

Of course, but your DP (and I!) differ from you in this. Your phone is private. His is not. You know that now so you can act accordingly. (Grab his phone and start texting people, etc, etc)

OneWithTheForce · 24/01/2017 22:21

they are apart a lot so rely on those forms of communication it's not hard to grasp! Have you never been apart from your OH?

Yes, like I already said my partner was forces and deployed for up to 9 months at a time.

Yes one poor form though it is to bring up another thread

Not when it's actually relevant it's not. This is the same issue with different details= your objections to his parenting style. You will find that if you keep posting the same issue again and again people will eventually spot the trend and ask why you are still with him.

or does everyone on MN have a perfect relationship- if they did there would be no posts?

Have you ever noticed what happens when those with relationship problems post? they get responses

bumsexatthebingo · 24/01/2017 22:21

If my husband was letting my kids see sexually inappropriate stuff I would ltb actually. Not hard to password protect devices, use parental controls, sit with them and supervise homework etc.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 24/01/2017 22:22

And my god if we split up (which isn't on the cards seeing as we are getting married) he would delete them - we are in our 40s we aren't in our teens - I also have photos of him.

OP posts:

phoe6e · 24/01/2017 22:23

I don't have explicit photos on my phone but there's no way I'd let my dc play with my phone, I share my worries & fears & swearing galore over texts & they've got their own devices

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 24/01/2017 22:24

He isn't "letting" them see it

I am worried they could.

There is a bloody big difference.

OP posts:

OneWithTheForce · 24/01/2017 22:24

which isn't on the cards seeing as we are getting married

You know that agreeing to get married doesn't mean you can't change your mind right?

OneWithTheForce · 24/01/2017 22:25

Anyway, like i said, you get to control what you send to him, that's it.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 24/01/2017 22:26

Two posts.

And erm thanks for the advice

OP posts:

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