To ask if this is rape?

[user1483448360]

Asking because I thought it was but now I'm doubting myself so please be gentle with me.

A man and a woman have known each other for a while and get on well. They have always had a very flirtatious relationship but nothing more has ever come of it than that.

One night they are both flirting with each other and joking around. He leans in to kiss her but she doesn't want to and moves away from him. He then gets pissed off and tells her to stop teasing him. He then holds her down and has sex with her despite her telling him no and to stop it but she can't struggle or fight him off.

I thought this was rape because she said no but she didn't struggle/fight him and she had been flirting with him so now am confused.

Please don't be too harsh with me.

Yes, this is rape.

If this happened to you, I'm so sorry.

It's rape. Many people do not struggle when scared. It's rape.

It is rape. I'm so sorry if this was you.

Yes, that is rape.

There's no requirement that a victim of rape should have physically struggled.

In the moment, lots of victims judge it safer to freeze or act friendly.

ninaburrowes.com/books/the-courage-to-be-me/ Chapter 2 explains this a bit.

It is rape.

But could it not have been a misunderstanding and he thought she wanted to?

I don't want to get anyone in trouble or hurt anyone but I think I already may have done.

Yes, it's a clear case of rape.

Op is this is you or someone ypi know, please speak to the police. It was rape x

Flirting is not an excuse to then go on and do something that someone has said no to. It's a clear no. There is no grey area here at all.

Are you the man in this scenario?

Okay thank you for this reassurance.

It happened about a month ago and I did report it but he denies it.

I'm scared nobody will believe me and call me a liar or I will be charged with making it up if they can't prove he did it.

I mean what if they decide I didn't fight hard enough or didn't make it clearer. Will they not say I'm a liar?

Yes its rape. Whoever this has happened to. I'm so sorry.
No it was not a misunderstanding. She said no and told him to stop. There are no other ways to interperate the words No and Stop.
This needs reporting.

It's absolutely rape. Fight, flight or freeze.

user do you have someone in real life who can support you through this?

You know it was rape, whatever happens you've done the right thing. You've been really brave reporting it. You've been brave posting it here. You can get through this. You were not at fault in any way.

This is a clear example of a woman saying no and the man ignoring that. That is rape.

No grey area of too drunk to say no so implied consent (not that this is more acceptable), the situation described is assault.

Whoever this happened to needs support and I strongly advise speaking to the police.

for you, my love. It wasn't your fault. No grey area there. Well done for reporting it.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yes, it was rape.

Yes it's rape.

Freezing / not struggling is an instinctual survival mechanism.

In other words, in a situation like this it may be your instinct not to struggle that prevented you from being in a even worse situation.

It doesn't change what happened.

Who has he denied it to? Is he putting pressure on you or speaking to you directly about the charges? If so this should not be happening and the police should know.

I'm so sorry you've gone through this

Thank you LivingInMidnight I actually went to my sisters house straight afterwards in a right state and she encouraged me to report it.

I remember I was pissed off at her at first because she wouldn't let me have a shower or get rid of my clothes but she encouraged me to report it.

But now I'm having doubts and I can't help thinking he didn't mean it and I have ruined someones life now for no reason.

Have you been offered any counselling?

I don't think people belueve me anyway. He is normally so nice and everyone likes him.