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AIBU?

To ask if this is rape?

163 replies

user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:13

Asking because I thought it was but now I'm doubting myself so please be gentle with me.

A man and a woman have known each other for a while and get on well. They have always had a very flirtatious relationship but nothing more has ever come of it than that.

One night they are both flirting with each other and joking around. He leans in to kiss her but she doesn't want to and moves away from him. He then gets pissed off and tells her to stop teasing him. He then holds her down and has sex with her despite her telling him no and to stop it but she can't struggle or fight him off.

I thought this was rape because she said no but she didn't struggle/fight him and she had been flirting with him so now am confused.

Please don't be too harsh with me.

OP posts:

Report

Prompto · 03/01/2017 13:36

You said no and he kept going, it is absolutely rape and it is no way your fault

krustykittens · 03/01/2017 13:38

You have NOT ruined his life, stop thinking this way! He raped you and didn't give a shit about you, your feelings or your body. He has done some thing to you that you have to live with for the rest of your life, he SHOULD be punished for that! If he t, hinks he is entitled to help himself to a woman's body by force because she flirted with him, God knows how many women he has attacked. Good for your sister for preserving the evidence. Please talk to people in RL as well as on here, OP, you need the support. xx

Ouriana · 03/01/2017 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:40

I know his mum and told my sister that I should drop the allegations because he didn't do anything and i'm just looking for attention.

But why would his own mum think he has done anything wrong?

OP posts:

user1483448360 · 03/01/2017 13:41

Why does it take so long for the police to investigate? I'm so anxious!

OP posts:

canteatcustard · 03/01/2017 13:41

instead of putting the focus on him, think about what he has done to YOU and the impact his actions will have.

if he has done this once, he will do it to another woman.

krustykittens · 03/01/2017 13:41

Some women will do anything to protect the men in their lives and overlook odious behaviour. It doesn't mean they are right. You were raped and you want to see your attacker punished for it. End of.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/01/2017 13:43

rapecrisis.org.uk/ You could ring and talk to someone about the feelings you're having.

Imagine if it happened to someone you cared about - sometimes that can help you to feel angry instead of guilty etc.

He is the one in the wrong - he chose to take his life down that path - don't spend time feeling bad for him if you can help it. Save your energy for yourself.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/01/2017 13:43

Oh OP I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yes it was rape. And yes I believe you

Similar happened to me when I was at uni. I didn't fight either. Just wept silently. I never reported it and I'm so proud of you that you have been brave enough to do so

LivingInMidnight · 03/01/2017 13:47

You might have to harden your heart a little, because people can be total idiots about rape. You need to ignore them and focus on what you know happened. You'll keep doubting yourself, I'm really sorry but you will. Just remember the facts when that happens. The only person to blame is the rapist. You made it completely clear that you didn't want to have sex, he chose to ignore you and rape you. He held you down. It was rape.

Queenie04 · 03/01/2017 13:48

Yes this is rape 🌺 I'm sorry that victim went through this. 🌺 Sorry if you experienced this OP no means no x

RebelRogue · 03/01/2017 13:49

Lots of family members and friends of rapists would never consider they did something wrong. Even when the rapist himself admits it,even when there's proof.
I was about to ask who fed you those lines,as they sound spoon fed rather that something you're thinking.
If it happened to your sister or daughter would you drop it? Would you want them to drop it?

You didn't ruin his life and reputation. He did. The moment he raped you.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 03/01/2017 13:52

The minute consent isn't given or withdrawn, and the person carries on it is classed as rape.

Trifleorbust · 03/01/2017 13:57

Only you can say whether this could have been a misunderstanding, OP. If this person said no, and nothing in their behaviour indicated that they really meant yes, then of course it was rape.

mscongeniality · 03/01/2017 13:59

I'm so sorry you went through this OP, but yes it is as clearcut as a case of rape could be. There are no buts or ifs. Hang in there

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/01/2017 14:00

So glad you have your sister

Champagneformyrealfriends · 03/01/2017 14:02

You have done nothing wrong. You were raped. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please please believe that reporting this was necessary.

JinnanTonik · 03/01/2017 14:05

she said no

....it was rape

Elendon · 03/01/2017 14:07

He's clearly not a nice man and who cares if he's liked. This is rape. If he didn't want his life ruined then he should not have raped you. He knew exactly what he was doing. He choose to rape you. He is a rapist.

1horatio · 03/01/2017 14:13

It's rape.

You said no. So, it's rape.

loobyloo1234 · 03/01/2017 14:20

OP normally these threads have a very blurred line. In this case there is no blurred line. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I am so glad you have reported this. I hope you have been offered counselling in the meantime of anything else happening

spankhurst · 03/01/2017 14:20

You've been raped. There's no grey area, you said no. That's enough. Would you continue to penetrate someone's body after they'd said no? Of course you wouldn't.

I'm so sorry, OP. You absolutely did the right thing by reporting it. His mum is obviously going to deny any wrongdoing, you're going to have to develop a thick skin for a while, but you'll get through it.

MadameJosephine · 03/01/2017 14:22

Absolutely 100% this was rape

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP, I'm glad your sister encouraged you not to shower and to report the evil bastard that did this to you.

Wishing you strength during the investigation . Remember YOU have done nothing wrong

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/01/2017 14:27

(As I think you have realised) you should not listen to his mum. She is his mum. I have a son. If he turned up at my house with a body I would bury it. If there was evidence that he had raped someone I would burn it. I am very very law abiding (never so much as a library fine or a parking ticket). But I would always protect my kids over the law. It is what being a mum is.

ThisYearWillbeBetter · 03/01/2017 14:28

It's rape. You said No, and he continued when you did not give consent. You said No, so he had no "reasonable" assumption that you were consenting.

You haven't ruined his life: he did, the moment he decided to rape you.

Hope you're OK, and thank you for reporting him It isn't easy, so thank you.

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