Fucking ex-wife and PIL

[FedUpBird]

So DH and his EW (ex-wife) split 10 years ago and his family still host her at Christmas and new year.

My SIL has made it very clear she hates me and keeps a photo of DH and EW so I don't go to her house as I feel I'm made un-welcome. They have 2 kids and while I understand they see the kids which is fine but why the hell do they host her!

DH is fucked off with it and has had it out with his sister and has also blocked her on social media as they have photos on there playing happy bloody families.

We've been together about 7 years and married 2, the kids and I get on and they love coming to ours and are made very welcome.

AIBU to feel annoyed that they still treat the EW like they should treat me...gah

How long were they married?

YANBU. That is really weird. I getvthey may still be friends but to include her at the expense of excluding you and presumably their son also, is weird. Is there more backstory to this?

They were married 6 years

No back story, she has family of her own and it really upsets me. I asked DH if he would like it if my ex-H went to spend Christmas and new year with my family at the expense of him and he said of course not

Yabu sorry

I understand its frustrating and hurtful but you cant tell others who they can have in their live. If you sil has kids then the ex is their auntie and their kids are cousins.

Family doesnt stop being family on divorce.

Why should they cut her out of their lives just because she is no longer their son/brothers wife?Have you thought that they might actually genuinely like her?

Am assuming maybe there was a cross over ie he left her for you. If so they have decided to side with her. It is though a bit odd to continue to host her at both xmas and new year. Do they host you st other times? Doesnt your husband ever have the childten at xmas?

It's a tough one; Ex and I have DS1 together. Ex comes here on Christmas Day with his DP, his parents and his DP's DS. He also comes over on DS1's birthday and has the day with us. When we book family stuff for DS1 Ex and his family are included. I'm sure when his DP first met him it must have been odd for her meeting a man who was still close to his Ex but we agreed that it was best for DS1 to have a family who were friends and united.

I still go over to see Ex-MIL and FIL with both DCs. If you could pick I'm sure you wouldn't pick to be friends with an Ex but, ultimately, it's not what the adults prefer but what the DCs need. For me that overrides everyone else's preferences.

Any chance you could go as well and behave like a grown up?

Don't really see why his parents have to "pick".

Any chance you could go as well and behave like a grown up?

This. You DO sound enormously pettish, OP - I appreciate it's hard being the second wife (I know - I'm one too!), but you're not covering yourself in glory here.

So do you and your DH not go to them at Christmas and NY?

Regardless, YANBU. They've been divorced 10yrs?? I would be totally fucked off with my family if they decided to host my ex at Christmas. They just wouldn't do this.

If my sister split up with her husband I'd want yo keep him in my life. Unless he'd cheated one her or something like that.

I like him as a person in his own right. I have photos of him up and I don't think I'd take them down. Especially if I thought my nieces and nephews would notice.

Maybe your SIL values her friendship. Is your SIL close to your dh?

It's odd I agree could you not attend or do you not get on? Were you the reason for the split?

Were you the other woman/instrumental in the break up of his first marriage?

I totally agree, this is weird and not on, you are dh wife now, not her, tgey have been separated for 10 years, not recent. You just do not do this! If they like her, they can host her at a separate occasion? And meet up with her away from the op. I think considering sil does not like op, this might be done out of spite.

I think that the family still seeing EW is fine,if they are friends that won't stop because she is no longer with your DH.
But I do think SIL making it obvious she hates you,and keeping photos of DH and Ex out is not on.Not sure what you do though - if she doesn't like you do you want to be socialising with her?How much do you miss out on because of it -if you aren't seeing them at Xmas/ New Year,how does DH feel about it?How does he share that time with his children?

My ex SiL is my best friend. No way will I dump her just because she's no longer married to DH's brother. I get on fine with his new partner, she's a lovely woman and very reasonable. She understands that ex SiL and I have been friends for a long time.

She's also a grown up, which helps.

Could you and your dh go to see his family on a different day to when his ex will be there?

Frosty so is op 🤔 Your situation sounds totally different. Not many people woukd be happy with this! Yes I would not want to be with someone who clearly hTes me.

Stop going to the inlaws at Christmas. Have the DC at your own house instead. If inlaws want to host EW, they can do so without you and DH in attendance.

What are you doing for New Years?

Is it a logistical thing ? So SIL and PIL get to spend time with the children and EW comes as part of the package as their mother ? Do you all live close to one another ?

Yanbu op. Of course yanbu! Remember that this is aibu though and people will take every opportunity to put the boot in (telling you you are immature etc).

It would upset anyone.

My sil is my best friend so if her and dbro split I would stay friends. But I would also be welcoming to his new partner.

"Stop going to the inlaws at Christmas"

I don't think op does go, does she? That's the whole point - she can't go because the ex wife is always there.

I know, some people live in a parallel universe on here, amongst my friends this would not be acceptable and most people would not be happy with this, only on Mumsnet people like to be obtuse. Don't go, and spend NYD at home with your dh, and family, you don't have to put up with that.