'Plans have changed for Christmas, we're coming to yours'

[AmberStClare]

Found this text on my phone this morning when I woke up. I rang her up to be told her DP has walked out on her and her 2 DC so she wants to come to me for Christmas through to New Year.

Told her that my DP and I are going away, cottage share in the West Country with another couple. Planning lots of drinking, walks and adult conversation. This has been booked for months and I thought she was aware of it. She says to me 'no problem, we will stay at yours and housesit'. Explained that is not an option as some friends from abroad are housesitting for us (looking after the cats). She said we should tell them to go elsewhere as family comes first and was quite affronted when I said no.

Her other suggestion is they should come to the cottage with us and everyone can 'budge up' and make room for them. (Terms of rental are strictly four people staying.)

WWYD, I am being made to feel a complete bitch who I am told has always hated her and the kids so am being difficult.

Is this your sister?

Yes. My sister, posted too quickly everyone. In a bit a flap about it all.

I don't think you are being mean and you certainly can't change house sitting agreement at this stage. It is shit for her to be on her own but she can't really make those demands. Has she no one else?

Not being difficult at all. I'm sorry the shit has hit her can but it's not your responsibility to change all your plans. The expectation on display is breathtaking!

Just because her plans have changed that is not your fault. Why should you change your plans to accommodate an entitled madam. What part of "no" doesn't she understand. I'm assuming it's a sister.

Why would her children want to be dragged to random places rather than stay at home to open gifts? Sounds like she's putting her needs a over her kids' and expects her needs to trump everyone else's too.

Do you think she's lashing out at you because you're "safe" and won't "leave" her or has she always been a little princess and everyone had to revolve around her needs growing up?

fan

Who is it?

You sound very strong and capable of standing your ground. It's sad for her but you have plans. Someone else will have to support her at this time or she will just have to get on with Christmas with just her and her dcs.

She sounds very demanding. I am guessing you've had years of practice in standing up to her.

And I certainly don't hate her. Not wild about her kids as they are to my mind rather feral but accept as I don't have any I might be a bit judgemental about them.

Why would being in your house without you there make it any better. Stick to your guns and tell her she's welcome to visit when you get back.

Ha, she is being completely unreasonable.

I thought sister too!

Stick to your plans, it sounds like you couldn't change them anyway.

I would perhaps tell her that you can't change your plans as they affect so many other people, but it would be lovely if she could visit after New Year for a few days.

Is she is any physical danger from her Ex?

Being charitable I am presuming that this is because she's grieving and not in her right mind because of the divorce - not that this massive sense of entitlement was the cause of her divorce.

In which case, all you can do is to say that you're sorry of course you had no idea what would happen and everything is booked as it is but you can see her shortly after Christmas, give her a hug and cry it out over a glass of wine.

There's really nothing else you can do. Unfortunately she's bound to be sad and angry and easier to be cross at you than her marriage.

Found a Travelodge with a family room free for her about five miles away but apparently that doesn't work for her.

She is being completely unreasonable.

Don't change your plans.

If he's walked out of their home, why does she need to go anywhere?

YABU about the feral DC (WTF?!) but no, YANBU about doing your Christmas as you has planned.

Is there something you aren't telling us? Should you be there for your sister, really?

It's terrible that her DP has left her (especially so close to Christmas) but it is completely unreasonable of her to demand that you inconvenience/let down other people because she's going through a tough time. She's putting you in a very difficult position. You either upset your friends or you upset her, you can't win.

If you invite your sister and her DC along to what was supposed to be an adults only holiday it will completely change the dynamic, not to mention everyone will be overcrowded. I would be really pissed off if we'd planned this sort of a trip and someone changed the terms of the holiday by inviting another family along. Same with the house-sitter thing, you had an agreement with them, whether they're family or not, you still owe it to them to honour that agreement.

She may realise all this once the dust has settled. Stick to your plans.

I'd tell her to do one! Relationships issues or not, her entertainment over the festive period is not your issue.

tell your sister to post in relationships where she will get a far better response

sheesh! well she cant count on you in a crisis can she?

add why should op change her plans to suit her sister ? the split is shitty but it's hardly a reason for the world to stop turning and the op to have to change their plans and then get a mouthful of abuse because she doesn't ? is she really like this in rl normally or due to the divorce ?
as worra pointed out, why can't she be a home ? sounds a pita