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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Plans have changed for Christmas, we're coming to yours'

237 replies

AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 17:08

Found this text on my phone this morning when I woke up. I rang her up to be told her DP has walked out on her and her 2 DC so she wants to come to me for Christmas through to New Year.

Told her that my DP and I are going away, cottage share in the West Country with another couple. Planning lots of drinking, walks and adult conversation. This has been booked for months and I thought she was aware of it. She says to me 'no problem, we will stay at yours and housesit'. Explained that is not an option as some friends from abroad are housesitting for us (looking after the cats). She said we should tell them to go elsewhere as family comes first and was quite affronted when I said no.

Her other suggestion is they should come to the cottage with us and everyone can 'budge up' and make room for them. (Terms of rental are strictly four people staying.)

WWYD, I am being made to feel a complete bitch who I am told has always hated her and the kids so am being difficult.

OP posts:
someonestolemynick · 19/12/2016 18:07

I might change my plans for my sister or a good friend but none of them would put me on the spot like this.

OP you don't owe your sister anything beyond: "Aw, that sounds tough. Hope things pick up soon."

Do not let her bully you into changing your plans. Yanbu at all.

TheSlaughterOfTheMortificados · 19/12/2016 18:07

If her kids are so small why could she not have shared the (your) bed with them and then you and DH could have had blow-ups in the living room rather than squat in your shed? Or better still, why didn't she and the kids sleep in the living room and YOU could have stayed in your bedroom?

She seems to want everyone to jump whenever she says so.

Don't change your plans, and don't throw out your house-sitting friends. Apart from anything else, she might make up with her DP before you get back, and then your cats and house will be left abandoned.

You have offered her an alternative. She has declined. Her choice.

Do you have no other relatives (e.g. parents) that she could inflict herself on stay with?

Original poster
AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 18:07

Mrskeats, DP is expected home any minute. Knows nothing as had left when I saw the text. Suspect he will laugh.

OP posts:
Oldbutstillgotit · 19/12/2016 18:09

Is she short of money and looking for a cheap / free Christmas ?

expatinscotland · 19/12/2016 18:09

'I wouldn't change my plans but I'd certainly let my sister have my house. The friends can have the travelodge down the road.'

Wow. Imagine if they don't have the money for a Travelodge, or it's booked. They may have planned their entire Christmas round the sitting and 4 days before the OP bails out? I wouldn't be impressed. That would be a really rude thing to do.

Your sister likes to manipulate and guilt people, OP. Just don't let her.

MrsBlennerhassett · 19/12/2016 18:12

idve felt more sorry for your sister if she texted something like 'what are you doing for christmas? is there any chance we can join as weve been left by DP and im going to struggle keeping a brave face on in front of the kids if we are alone'
The entire way shes communicated sounds like shes an entitled dick tho.
'plans have changed' WTF?!..... mine havent mate.

mya83 · 19/12/2016 18:13

.

Trifleorbust · 19/12/2016 18:14

She is your sister. Sounds like she is crying out for some support to me.

Patriciathestripper1 · 19/12/2016 18:16

Why can't she stay on her own home?
If she won't do the travel lodge (where she obviously won't be centre of attention) then tell her sorry but you have plans, that she will be welcome at the cottage for meals ect but it travel lodge it stop in her own home.

Original poster
AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 18:17

DP just walked in and told him. His first suggestion was to see if there was a beach hut nearby they could rent but is all for driving over to her and seeing what is going on and how we can help, a nicer person than me it seems.

OP posts:
juneau · 19/12/2016 18:17

If OP is going away for Christmas with friends though, will her sister and two kids really be that welcome? I think the sister is taking the piss tbh. I wouldn't dream of imposing on my sister's child-free Christmas in a cottage with friends, whatever the circumstances.

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 18:19

If he's walked out on her why can't she just have Xmas at home with her kids? Why is she making this your problem?

juneau · 19/12/2016 18:19

And that goes double with the ages of the DC. Toddlers are a total PITA - I'd take DC of any other age over two- and three-year-olds, who are noisy, early risers, fussy eaters, messy and destructive.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2016 18:20

My goodness no, no to her coming to the cottage, it is not fair on the others who she will be imposing on, and will have paid to have a kid free Christmas, and not fair on the people coming from abroad to house sit. No to both demands. Has she not got a home to go to. She can have Christmas at home with her kids, that's what its all about.

YesThisIsMe · 19/12/2016 18:25

I can get that coming to yours because she needs emotional support makes sense - it's not possible but I can see why she'd want it. Likewise gatecrashing your holiday cottage is selfish but I can see why she'd want it. But in what world does "my DH has just walked out on me therefore I should immediately take my small children to the house of a childfree relative who won't be there so we can spend Christmas on our own without any of our home comforts in a non-child-friendly environment" make any kind of sense?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/12/2016 18:25

Sounds like she is crying out for some support to me.

Sorry but 'sorry that doesn't work for me' to the travelodge. Telling OP to cancel in your friends so we can stay at yours whilst you aren't there strikes me as being selfish and wanting everything your way.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2016 18:25

No, no seeing what you do to help because she has form for taking the piss. Just NO.

I'm with you, juneau, I cannot abide toddlers. I was so glad when that stage was over. Have no patience for them now.

Trifleorbust · 19/12/2016 18:26

Yes, he sounds nice.

MistressMerryWeather · 19/12/2016 18:27

But if it's emotional support she is in need of why would she offer to house sit while the OP is away?

Surely she would be in the same situation only a different house?

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2016 18:27

Just tell her no to coming with you on holiday and no to staying in your house. You will see her and she can come over when we are back home.

YesThisIsMe · 19/12/2016 18:27

DH sounds a) nice and b) right

pklme · 19/12/2016 18:27

You could offer to go and stay with her at hers for part of the time? That way, no one else's plans would have to change. You could do a loving sister/godmother bit, as well. Though you might not want to after all this!

FrancisCrawford · 19/12/2016 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2016 18:28

'She is your sister. Sounds like she is crying out for some support to me.'

Sounds like she's being a demanding little drama llama madame to me.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/12/2016 18:29

You could offer to go and stay with her at hers for part of the time? That way, no one else's plans would have to change.

Well yes the OPs would have to as the would the friends.