'Plans have changed for Christmas, we're coming to yours'

[AmberStClare]

Found this text on my phone this morning when I woke up. I rang her up to be told her DP has walked out on her and her 2 DC so she wants to come to me for Christmas through to New Year.

Told her that my DP and I are going away, cottage share in the West Country with another couple. Planning lots of drinking, walks and adult conversation. This has been booked for months and I thought she was aware of it. She says to me 'no problem, we will stay at yours and housesit'. Explained that is not an option as some friends from abroad are housesitting for us (looking after the cats). She said we should tell them to go elsewhere as family comes first and was quite affronted when I said no.

Her other suggestion is they should come to the cottage with us and everyone can 'budge up' and make room for them. (Terms of rental are strictly four people staying.)

WWYD, I am being made to feel a complete bitch who I am told has always hated her and the kids so am being difficult.

I'm with you on the feral children I have three of my own

YABU.

I think if this had happened to Dbro/sis, I'd reconsider going away for the full time. Maybe spend christmas with your Dsis and go to the cottage for new year. Sounds horrendous for her.

AddToBasket yes quite accept U about her kids. Like I said don't have any of my own (yet) so not overly tolerant.

DSis has quite a history of this sort of thing with her DP. She came to us in the summer for a week as had a blazing row with him. One bedroomed cottage so not easy. DP and I slept in our office come shed at the end of the garden, she was in our room and the kids on blowups in the sitting room. I was so thankful when she made things up with him and went home, especially when i found the pool of ribena down the side of the sofa.

re; feral some kids behaviour does leave a lot to be desired esp when the so called parents ignore them.

Give her some dates she can come.
Don't rearrange your plans but tolerate some bonkers behaviour from her in the circumstances, she obviously doesn't want to be alone.
Your suggestion re the travelogue was a good compromise.
Enjoy your Xmas

I'd change my plans for my sisters and they would for me too. But we are very close.
I really think you need to find some way to be there for her. That situation is hard enough whatever time of year.

fearandloathing , so if OP decides to stay home and let sister and DC visit what is she supposed to do with the people she has arranged to house sit ? You've offered the travelodge , that's more than sufficient at this late stage , the only other option is I suppose that you all go to hers and forego your holiday .

Tell her sorry but no go, you already have plans.
She sounds very princess privilege to me, and quite frankly I think she's got a bloody nerve!
Yes, all very sad her relationship has broken up but that's no reason to highjack your Christmas.

I think I must be a bit of a heartless cow as I wouldn't change any of my plans for her.

If DP has up and left, I'd have thought she'd be wanting to have as normal a Christmas as possible with the kids, by which I mean staying at home where all their stuff is and friends perhaps nearby, not muscling in on an adult house party where they will have no space or privacy and not be especially welcome.

She has no reason to not continue to have Christmas at her home.

You have plans to be elsewhere, and you have plans for someone else to house-sit. Stick to those plans. You don't have to rearrange your life to suit your sister's up-and-down relationship.

Tough one, I would try to change my plans for my sister, but I can see how it might be difficult for you, with everything booked and arranged.

What really hurts me is that i am her DD's Godmother. Was so thrilled to be asked as well. Nice to be told i have always hated her.

I was going to say don't change your plans and ignore your sister name calling before you said that she has a history of doing this!

Ignore her demands and name calling and anyone telling you that you should screw up yours and your friends Christmas,if your Sister and her DP break up often and get back together let them get on with it.
They're both adults with children so they need to grow up and start acting like the parents and adults that they're supposed to be!

Stick to your guns,go away with your friends and have a lovely time and let your other friends(that you've already asked)house sit.

I wouldn't change my plans but I'd certainly let my sister have my house. The friends can have the travelodge down the road.

It's 5 days to Christmas, you can't change your plans. Do you have any other family who can support her?

Be firm OP, it's too late to change plans even if you wanted to and it sounds like your break away is adults only. It's not your fault she's split with her DP. Are you close normally? Do you see her when she doesn't want something?

The Travelodge is five miles from where we are staying, thought it was a good solution, they could have family time and join us as and when.

If she has a habit of breaking up with her DP and then getting back together again I would not rearrange plans.

I must be heartless as well as I would not change my plans.

She is with her children she is not alone.

YANBU. You're entitled to set some boundaries, and it doesn't mean you don't care (enough). Listen to her, suggest some compromises, and enjoy the Christmas you already have planned.

It is horrible that she is in this situation at Christmas, and she needs support, but she also needs to work through this herself. In the longer term, dropping everything to do what she wants may not be best for her. Of course, she has every reason to be a bit irrational and needy, so deserves a bit of slack, but that doesn't mean agreeing with her suggestions/demands.

Nope. Would not change my plans.

YANBU, you have plans.

The Travel Lodge does not work for her??? The cheek. Do not change your plans or worry ahead.