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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Plans have changed for Christmas, we're coming to yours'

237 replies

AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 17:08

Found this text on my phone this morning when I woke up. I rang her up to be told her DP has walked out on her and her 2 DC so she wants to come to me for Christmas through to New Year.

Told her that my DP and I are going away, cottage share in the West Country with another couple. Planning lots of drinking, walks and adult conversation. This has been booked for months and I thought she was aware of it. She says to me 'no problem, we will stay at yours and housesit'. Explained that is not an option as some friends from abroad are housesitting for us (looking after the cats). She said we should tell them to go elsewhere as family comes first and was quite affronted when I said no.

Her other suggestion is they should come to the cottage with us and everyone can 'budge up' and make room for them. (Terms of rental are strictly four people staying.)

WWYD, I am being made to feel a complete bitch who I am told has always hated her and the kids so am being difficult.

OP posts:

CoraPirbright · 19/12/2016 17:44

Ah ha! Bit of a drip feed there, OP but it does all rather put it into perspective. If there are always dramatics then you should just stick to your plans and carry on as usual. I am slightly mystified as to why she needs to come to yours - surely the DP should be out on his ear and she should be sitting tight as there are children involved (poor kids).

Also, calling kids 'feral' is sometimes absolutely accurate so I really have no problem with that. We have all come across children for whom, lack of decent parenting, has made them into utter nightmares. I am not, for a second, condemning them for ever - just saying that, for this precise moment in time, they cannot answer without being rude/scribble on the walls/jump on the furniture/dictate to everyone with staggering entitlement. It does happen - we all know it.

Original poster

AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 17:45

Certainly not having her to stay in the new year with the prospect of sleeping in an unheated shed.

She loves all that sort of thing incidentally, everyone sleeping in layers everywhere. Reminds her when she travelled as a teenager around the world.

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/12/2016 17:45

She is bvvvu.

I'd say no too.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 19/12/2016 17:46

You can't seriously think your nieces and nephews should wake up on Christmas morning in a bloody Travelodge family room?!

The little girl is your goddaughter. Their dad just left them 5 days before Christmas. They will remember this awful Christmas for their entire lives.

I'm not saying change your plans. If this was my sister I'd want to be with her but you clearly don't like her so by all means, don't change your plans.

But however much you despise the "feral" children you agreed to be godparent too, please at least acknowledge what a horrible time they must be having.

Steamgirl · 19/12/2016 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaraAspen · 19/12/2016 17:52

Feral children are the pits.

Original poster

AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 17:53

HoldMeCloser at no point have I said i don't like my sister though do admit to finding her a tad exasperating and was very proud to be asked to be Godparent. The children are 3 and 2 respectively so doubt they will remember this for the rest of their lives. I honestly think the Travelodge is a fair suggestion but hey hope if it doesn't 'work' for her don't know what else to suggest.

OP posts:

Mrskeats · 19/12/2016 17:53

I am seriously starting to think I live in a parallel universe.
Who sends a text like that?
Yanbu. She is being a drama queen. I've been through a divorce and certainly never used it as an excuse to be an entitled drama queen. (Maybe that's why her other half has done a runner)
Judge away re the feral kids. You are entitled to your opinion.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2016 17:56

Do NOT change your plans. She has zero right to make demands on you. You KEEP telling her NO and stick to that. Don't suggest the Travelodge. Just, 'No, I told you we'd made other plans months ago. You cannot come to the cottage with us, it's for 4 only, no 'budging up', we'd be breaking our contract and I'm not willing to do that. You can't come to the house, we already have people staying there. You'll need to make other plans.'

She might be back together with him in a few days, anyhow.

MrsBlennerhassett · 19/12/2016 17:56

YANBU its incredibly short notice for you to change plans. Its very sad that she had split up with her partner at christmas but i think it is unreasonable of her to expect that you cancel things you are doing that would also impact on other peoples plans to be with her. Shes rejected the offer of a travelodge near to you so obviously expects you to completely change your plans.
Has she not got any friends she can go to?

CaraAspen · 19/12/2016 17:58

"Mrskeats

Hear hear. The OP's plans involve other people too and an actual break away. Why on earth should they all be inconvenienced by this person and her declarations?

expatinscotland · 19/12/2016 17:58

You suggest nothing. You've made commitments to other people already and you need to honour those first.

Oakmaiden · 19/12/2016 17:58

What really hurts me is that i am her DD's Godmother. Was so thrilled to be asked as well. Nice to be told i have always hated her.

Well, you describe her as feral. So you are clearly not that keen on her - and I expect your sister can sense that.

In honesty - if it were my sister I would be doing everything I could for her. But then, she wouldn't actually ask, so I wouldn't actually HAVE to. Which is why asking AIBU is so tricky when we are talking about relationships - what one person sees as unreasonable in the context of their relationship is entirely reasonable for another person in THEIR relationship.

JustSpeakSense · 19/12/2016 17:59

'No' is a complete sentence

DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2016 18:00

Why is she so desperate to get away from home? Surely it would be better for her children to spend Christmas in their own home rather than be uprooted to yours with you not there?

The suggestion that, with four days' notice, your housesitters should be told to find somewhere else to stay for Christmas is utterly absurd. Tell her not to be silly, she knows perfectly well you don't hate her but you can't be expected to let other people down at this stage (especially when it sounds as if there's a good chance she'll make up again with her DP). Obviously she should stay at home and maybe you can meet up again in January.

Original poster

AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 18:01

Only did a present swap with her Last week and her DP and her were all over each other like a rash. Can't imagine what has gone wrong since.

OP posts:

CaraAspen · 19/12/2016 18:02

"Well, you describe her as feral." (Oakmaiden)

Really? I must have missed that bit. She described the children as being a bit feral...
Are you paying attention?

MistressMerryWeather · 19/12/2016 18:03

Sorry if I missed it but why does she have to go anywhere if he left?

Mrskeats · 19/12/2016 18:03

Thanks cara
I can't be doing with this type of thing.
Of course you don't hate her but unfortunately there are other people in the universe and you can't make all of them change plans now.
I also agree that the children would probably much prefer to be at home anyway.
Op what does you dp make of all this?

juneau · 19/12/2016 18:04

She sounds like a drama queen a total fucking nightmare to me! Turning up and kicking you out of your own bedroom - actually your own house - and making you sleep in the shed??? Then trying to do the same thing to you at Christmas???? Sorry, all those trying to guilt you into bending over backwards to accommodate this entitled little madam are bonkers. I wouldn't change a thing. Her drama is her drama, not yours.

EweAreHere · 19/12/2016 18:04

Do Not Change Your Plans.

Finding her a travelodge option near your holiday cottage was going above and beyond; her response was rude.

Tell her your sorry she's having problems again with her DP, but nobody died and you are not going to alter your plans that were months ago. And your housesitting friends who are coming from afar are not going to change theirs.

She should be focusing on making Christmas as happy as possible for her children in their own home. I hope she comes to her senses and pulls herself together.

juneau · 19/12/2016 18:04

And a two and three year old won't remember a fucking thing - trust me. I have a nine and five year old and they don't remember anything before the age of about five IME.

rollonthesummer · 19/12/2016 18:05

I wouldn't change my plans but I'd certainly let my sister have my house. The friends can have the travelodge down the road.

I wouldn't really want young children staying in my house when I wasn't there to supervise when they have a perfectly good home of their own!

Stick to your guns, OP. Has she replied? She's not likely to turn up at your house when the house guests are there, is she?!

viques · 19/12/2016 18:06

What were her plans before he walked out?were they seeing other family members, since clearly they would not have been expecting to see you.the best place for her kids is at home in familiar surroundings rather than being dragged around the country and having to listen to her rehashing the story to anyone who will listen.at least in their own home they can escape to their rooms.

rollonthesummer · 19/12/2016 18:07

She loves all that sort of thing incidentally, everyone sleeping in layers everywhere. Reminds her when she travelled as a teenager around the world.

Why didn't she sleep in the bloody shed then and not you?!

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