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Original poster

Dd's friend has taken my eyeliner - wwyd?

325 replies

Clara81 · 08/12/2016 09:31

Dd1 (12) has a good friend who pretty much lives at out house. She comes every morning for a lift to school, and most evenings after school, usually staying for tea and beyond. She is a nice girl and I'm happy that dd has a friend she gets on with so well. I'm a single parent and not exactly minted but I've done a lot for her - I gave her my old iPhone, taken her on trips out to the cinema, bought her takeaways if we're having one etc. Dd never goes to her house, because she's scared of her friend's mum.

Anyway, the night before last I was downstairs and the friend and my dd2 were hanging out in my room, and the friend was straightening her hair and dd2's hair. My make up bag was on the floor next to my hair straighteners. Right after they'd finished, the friend went home, unusually early for her.

Then yesterday afternoon I was doing my make up and realised that my eyeliner was missing. I haven't had it long and it was an expensive one (£25). I looked all around in case it had rolled under the bed or something but it is definitely not there.

I picked dd2 up from after school club and asked her if her and the friend had been using my make up. She is only 6 and wouldn't understand what I was getting at, you can rely on her for an honest answer. She said she hadn't but the friend had been. I asked her specifically about the eyeliner and she said confidently that she had seen the friend with it. No one else had been in my room or near my make up bag since then.

I then happened to bump into the friend in town, and the little bugger was wearing my eyeliner! I had it out with her, calmly, and she flatly denied having taken it, coming up with some overly elaborate story about her mum buying her an eyeliner. I said that I knew she'd had it the day before, and she was the last one to have it, so either it is returned or she needs to pay to replace it. She looked sheepish and said ok.

This morning, no sign of her. She always comes here for a lift, so it's making her look even more guilty IMO. I'm livid about it, I feel like she has really betrayed my trust, and I'm also very pissed off that I've no longer got my expensive eyeliner! I'm not sure how to handle it from here though, WWYD?

OP posts:
PizzaPlease · 08/12/2016 09:38

Give her mum a call or pop round to the house maybe? Say that it's already been discussed, the friend agreed to give back or replace the eyeliner and you want to either pick up the eyeliner or the cash.

Berthatydfil · 08/12/2016 09:40

Put bluntly she's a thief.
She's 12 so quite old enough to realise what she has done is wrong and there will be consequences.
So I'd be saying to her no more "living here" no more lifts if I can't trust you with my possessions.

And sticking to it.

Original poster
Clara81 · 08/12/2016 09:44

I'm tempted to just tell her she's not welcome here anymore, but my bf thinks that's being really harsh, and I should give her the chance to put it right, let her know that I'm really disappointed and tell her that if anything like that happens again then that's it.

OP posts:
Crisscrosscranky · 08/12/2016 09:45

How could you tell it was your eyeliner? All eyeliner looks the same to me!? misses the point

ChasedByBees · 08/12/2016 09:47

I think it's ok to say she wouldn't be welcome. She's stolen from you - how do you know she won't continue to do it? She's also had an opportunity to make it right, she's not taken it. She will lose out by losing your hospitality.

Original poster
Clara81 · 08/12/2016 09:48

Well yes it might not have been my eyeliner, but I've never seen her wear eyeliner before! Also the story she told me was that her mum had bought her one that came in a little triangular tube with a brush, and it sure looked like a pen eyeliner she was wearing to me (like mine is!).

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 08/12/2016 09:48

I think you need to call her mum.

JacquesHammer · 08/12/2016 09:49

How did you know for sure it was your eyeliner by looking at it?

I think you need to be 100% sure before you take any action at all

HaveNoSocks · 08/12/2016 09:50

I'm a softy so I'd give her a chance to put it right. I'd pop round to her house or call her mum and get the eye liner back. YANBU to be annoyed she should know better but at 12 I do remember not being as grateful as I would be when I was more mature.

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2016 09:50

She comes every morning for a lift to school, and most evenings after school, usually staying for tea and beyond.

How well do you know her mum?

EdmundCleverClogs · 08/12/2016 09:51

I would call her mum, actually I would have before speaking to the girl. Is there a reason why you haven't? Is there a particular reason why your daughter is 'scared' of her?

Original poster
Clara81 · 08/12/2016 09:52

I guess I can't be 100% sure she took it, but I am 100% sure she was the last person to have it.

OP posts:
user1471545174 · 08/12/2016 09:52

Why are people discussing the eyeliner? Read the OP - the girl as good as admitted she'd taken it.

It's simple OP if she doesn't follow your instruction she isn't allowed in your house, and your DD1 needs to know why in case friend suggests a visit when you're not there.

LagunaBubbles · 08/12/2016 09:53

I think you need to be 100% sure before you take any action at all

OP has stated the girl has admitted taking it. She looked sheepish and said ok.

Original poster
Clara81 · 08/12/2016 09:53

I don't know her mum at all really, I've never actually met her in person, but have spoken to her briefly on the phone a few times. From what the friend says, her mum is very strict, although I don't know how much of it to take with a pinch of salt.

OP posts:
SheldonsSpot · 08/12/2016 09:54

Well she admitted she took it.

I'd write the eyeliner off but tell her if she doesn't return it, she's no longer welcome.

Even then, I wouldn't have her anywhere out of my line of sight in my home.

This time it was an eyeliner, next time it might be cash, a phone, a laptop.

littlesallyracket · 08/12/2016 09:54

Why is your DD scared of this girl's mum?

I only ask because if this girl is constantly at your house you have to wonder whether she's scared of her mum too.

There's obviously no excuse for stealing and you were right to confront her, but is she perhaps a little troubled generally? I'd add that she probably had no idea that it was an expensive eyeliner or something that you'd even notice was missing - although of course, even if it was something that cost a quid she absolutely shouldn't have taken it; it's not an excuse.

I wouldn't ban her from the house but it sounds like your whole family has a close relationship with her so I think I would be inclined to sit her down and have a serious (but calm) talk with her about why she took it and how it mustn't ever, ever happen again. Might also be worth talking to your DD as well to explain what's happened.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2016 09:55

I'd be very sure here if I was you, her mum could have bought her one and uour daughter nicked yours and is wearing it at school or something to be the same and is happy for you to think it was her mate. It could also just have been misplaced, kids are notorious at losing crap.

BakeOffBiscuits · 08/12/2016 09:55

I think there are more issues here than the eyeliner.

Why is a 12 year old friend if your Dds, practically living at your house? It's not desirable, does she have issues at home?

Original poster
Clara81 · 08/12/2016 09:55

She didn't really admit that she'd taken it, I said "you were the last person with it, and now it's gone, so it either needs to be found or replaced". That's what she said ok to, so not quite the same as admitting to taking it.

OP posts:
BakeOffBiscuits · 08/12/2016 09:56

And you don't know it was your eyeliner she had on. I wouldn't have had a go at her in the street!

QueenofallIsee · 08/12/2016 09:58

You would not be harsh to not have her in her house. She stole from you, she admitted it and rather than making it right, is avoiding giving it back! What could she take next time?

Put bluntly, this girl seems to see your family as a bit of a free ride and that needs to stop

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2016 09:58

Why is a 12 year old friend if your Dds, practically living at your house? It's not desirable, does she have issues at home?

^^This. If she were my daughter I would want to know the person whose house she was spending so much time in too.

Viviennemary · 08/12/2016 10:00

I certainly wouldn't write off the eyeliner. I'd ring up speak to the girl and demand she returns the eyeliner to your house within 24 hours or some such. Or else you will be telling her mother. Whereupon she will probably flatly deny to her mother she has taken it and you will look bad. It's really tricky. I'd make the threat first and see what happens. If she doesn't return it I wouldn't be inclined to have her in the house again. But you have to be 100% sure she took it.

Amelie10 · 08/12/2016 10:00

What you need to do is tell her mum. Her mum will know if she is lying because she said her mum bought her the same one? Her actions, leaving early on that day and not coming Around indicates she did take it.
Don't just leave it, if she's a thief she needs consequences. And what a cheek by coming to your home and doing this.