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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

838 replies

burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 15:50

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 28/11/2016 15:53

Sounds like the teacher is fed up with your husband being a twat & sounds like he has been in complaining about similar ridiculous things.
Not terribly professional but I'd prob have a word with your husband.

tatty1010 · 28/11/2016 15:54

Definitely unprofessional, she's showing to your son that she has an issue with his father which is not on! YANBU

FannyFifer · 28/11/2016 15:54

It also sounds like your son had maybe been saying "I'll tell my dad" & that was teachers response.

BadKnee · 28/11/2016 16:00

Leave it.

Son misbehaved - it is not the first time. Son argued back. (You don't know what he said but I wouldn't be surprised if he did say he'd tell his parents/dad and that "dad" would give Teacher a piece of his mind. Teacher replied.

The quote makes no sense otherwise.

I would concentrate on getting your DS to respect people in authority because when he is at work he won't be able to have his Mum and Dad complaining to the "Boss"

PberryT · 28/11/2016 16:04

Sounds like your ds has been given a licence to misbehave by your dh. So every time he gets told off he makes a retort like "my dad will complain" because he knows daddy will.

Your dh needs to stop and get your ds under control. This behaviour will get worse as he gets older.

Carmen1983 · 28/11/2016 16:08

If your son was somewhere he shouldn't be and was breaking the rules and yet your husband is constantly complaining to the school, that teacher is probably rightfully annoyed. Instead of arguing about the rubbish, your son should be feeling sheepish about breaking the rules and being in that room. why do you consider his poor behaviour to not be a big deal and the teacher's comment to be a big deal? It would be annoying if the child of a parent who was constantly complaining was actually being naughty; that teacher was probably at the end of their tether!

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 16:10

I don't think the poor behaviour is not a big deal, at all, but I will deal with DS. I don't think he threatened to tell DH - it would be out of character. I've asked him and he said he didn't. I'll check of course.

OP posts:
littlesallyracket · 28/11/2016 16:10

It might be slightly unprofessional but frankly it's really not that big a deal, surely? Also, your son may not have given you the full context of the remark. It's really nothing to get wound up about, IMO, and if you make a fuss you're really just behaving like your husband.

I also agree with BadKnee that your son needs to learn that he has to accept that his school has a right to discipline him and that he can't get Mum and Dad to retaliate for him every time he gets told off.

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 16:11

My issue with this is that it's blaming DS for something he has no control over.

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 28/11/2016 16:14

I would bet my last penny your son hasn't told you the whole story here! If he knows that dad is always going in and giving teachers a dressing down then I dare say he thinks he's immune to telling offs. The problem your dh has created that even when you have a valid complaint people will probably just inwardly roll their eyes and not take you seriously

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 16:15

I don't think he does think he's immune to tellings off, actually: he was pretty upset.

OP posts:
PurpleMinionMummy · 28/11/2016 16:19

Since when does a parent going in automatically mean a child is disrespectful to authority and always being naughty?Hmm

It was unprofessional and she shouldn't have said it. However I'd probably suck it up as a one off as ds wasn't meant to be there. It would be noted in my mind however in case similar occured again.

Why does your dh keep complaining?

CocoLoco87 · 28/11/2016 16:21

It's unprofessional, but I'd leave it for now.

Make a note of when it happened, and if it becomes a regular comment from the teacher then I think you could make a complaint and list when the comments were made.

No excuse but teachers have bad days too and it may have been the last straw and unfortunately taken it out on your son.

PberryT · 28/11/2016 16:21

The teacher wouldn't make that comment without your ds saying something first. Sounds like she's at the end of her tether with complaints from your dh. I have said similar to pupils before when it is clear that daddy (or mummy) will always stick up for them regardless of what their child has done.

I'd be blaming your dh for being heavy handed and complaining all the time. In the end, no one takes him (and sadly your ds) seriously.

NoSunNoMoon · 28/11/2016 16:22

Your twatish DH is the problem not the teacher.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 28/11/2016 16:28

I think you need to bear in mind that you've only heard part of the story.

I'd be quite suspicious about who made the mess; what was said to and by the teacher; and why DS is telling you this (does he think his dad will complain again?)

Pick your battles. This one doesn't seem worth fighting.

creamycrackers · 28/11/2016 16:28

OP do you not know Dc should be seen and not heard? Wink

If he was using a licence to misbehave from his dad, as mentioned above, why on earth would he be embarrassed about what happened??

Personally I think I would of 'asked' why they were in the room and who made the mess before bollocking a bunch of kids and then spitting my dummy when they try to defend themselves but hey ho that's just me. I have had a couple of teachers speak to me like shit, and my son for that matter which was witnessed by other staff, but I've always worn my big girl pants and managed to get past it.

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 16:32

I'll definitely ask about it, but the way it was described was:

Boys somewhere they shouldn't have been.
Teacher came in and shouted (fine) and told them off about the mess.
DS started to say 'we didn't make the mess, it was already there when we came in,'
Teacher starts shouting again and says to DS 'you can bring your dad in, I don't care!'

OP posts:
needmymouthsewnup · 28/11/2016 16:33

What are the circumstances in which your DH is complaining? I know you said your son hasn't said 'my dad will come in' or words to that effect, but perhaps the teachers thinks that is what's happening: your son gets told off for something, then all of a sudden dad comes in, so she has put 2 and 2 together and decided that your son must be running home and complaining to his dad. Not saying that's what's happened but you could see how she might think that, esp if your DH's visits coincide with discipline from school.

I would maybe talk to your DH and explain he's not doing your son any favours.

franincisco · 28/11/2016 16:34

Yes it was unprofessional and unfair. It isn't your DS's fault that his father has a bad reputation. Sadly these things follow children around like a smell so I hope you have words with your DS about his misdemeanor and even stronger words with your DH.

TheLobsterRollPlease · 28/11/2016 16:34

A name for himself by doing what? I'd like
to know..

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/11/2016 16:37

Teacher starts shouting again and says to DS 'you can bring your dad in, I don't care!'

I LOL'ed at that. Sorry. Blush

It was unprofessional of the teacher but your husband must be a right 'un. That would be the bigger issue for me here.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 16:37

Sounds like your son is naughty and frequently argumentative. Does he get it from his dad?

Redlocks28 · 28/11/2016 16:37

I would be horribly embarrassed that my DH and DS behaved like they have been doing, and would want to keep my head down if I were you! Your DH has a 'name for himself' and your DS is flouting school rules!

pieceofpurplesky · 28/11/2016 16:41

The phrase 'you can bring your dad in, I don't care' is a response to something. Not a sentence that would be said without reference to the dad first.
I think your DS has picked up on the fact he can do no wrong. Nip it in the bud right now - kids like that learn the hard way at high school that an attitude like that gets them in to trouble.