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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

838 replies

burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 15:50

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 28/11/2016 16:42

Crikey, I think the teacher is only human and is probably pissed off with your DH coming in to school for trivial matters (I'm guessing they're trivial, given you've asked him not to go in?). I definitely wouldn't go in and moan at the the teacher, or anything like that. It's only going to make the eye-rolling worse.

ThanksSpanx · 28/11/2016 16:42

If I was badly behaved at school I would be so worried that school would tell my parents as there would be consequences at home. Your son is openly telling you he has misbehaved but you're overlooking that because the teacher apparently said something unprofessional. Sounds like your son is naughty and a bit economical with the truth- it doesn't add up.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/11/2016 16:42

I don't think he does think he's immune to tellings off, actually: he was pretty upset

I wonder if he's worked out that the more "upset" he appears, the more chance there is of his father making a fuss? All very exciting for him at the time no doubt, but not much of a strategy for the future Sad

And what does "made a bit of a name for himself" mean?

Serialweightwatcher · 28/11/2016 16:47

If he didn't mention his dad first, she may have been saying it to warn him off telling his dad which is not right - it's not your son's fault that your husband goes in to complain .... I think your DH should go in again and explain this - they shouldn't be making your DS feel uncomfortable for your DH's actions .... it also means that if there was anything further your son may be reluctant to tell you or his dad which is not right

rollonthesummer · 28/11/2016 16:49

Yes-encouraging the dad to go into school again sounds a great idea Hmm

cowssheephens · 28/11/2016 16:54

Oh my, how embarrassing for you!

Just keep him out of school, teachers are only human.

Roussette · 28/11/2016 16:55

I think I would be looking to the reputation my DH was getting by always going into the school, rather than what the teacher said. It must be bad.

Serialweightwatcher · 28/11/2016 17:00

Even if he's a pest, I don't think it's right for a teacher to shame a child into being worried to tell his parents of any problems in the future and the teacher has no right to make him feel uncomfortable for something he has no control over

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 17:01

Well, yes, but I can hardly physically hold him back :) FWIW, he has never been in because of behaviour. DS isn't poorly behaved - not sure what I've said to give that impression.

OP posts:
Gymnopedies · 28/11/2016 17:01

I find it funny TBH

FloodMud · 28/11/2016 17:04

I don't think he does think he's immune to tellings off, actually: he was pretty upset

Upset someone's paid his daddy threat no heed, perhaps.

chickenowner · 28/11/2016 17:04

I'm a primary teacher.

It sounds a bit unprofessional, but mostly it sounds like a teacher completely at the end of their tether.

Does your husband shout at school staff? Threaten them? Get right into their faces?

derxa · 28/11/2016 17:04

Oh god.

Colby43443 · 28/11/2016 17:05

I agree with others that you aren't getting the full story here. It's probably a good idea to check with the school and speak with that teacher directly.

Allthewaves · 28/11/2016 17:05

Does sound like it was a response to something your ds has said about his dad

Allthebestnamesareused · 28/11/2016 17:07

You said that DS was somewhere in bresch of school rules and answered the teacher back - that gives an impression of poor behaviour. You seem more concerned about the teacher's throwaway comment than your son misbehaving.

chickenowner · 28/11/2016 17:08

allthewaves I agree. I once had a conversation with a pupil like this...

Child - You can't tell me off, I'm telling my Mum! (this was shouted)

Me - That's fine, you tell her, I'll be very happy to tell her about your behaviour today.

mrscarrotironfoundersson · 28/11/2016 17:09

So, you can't keep your own DH from embarrassing your family but you are happy to make a fuss when the teacher actually replies back.

I think perhaps home education would be good for both your DH and DS.

MulberryBush12 · 28/11/2016 17:10

I think you should help your son to shrug this off & get this incident into its proper perspective.
Your DS is coming across as a little bit mouthy I'm sorry to say. There was a group of boys but your son was the one to argue back & interrupt the teacher?

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 17:10

Why does your DH keep going into school?

StarryIllusion · 28/11/2016 17:12

I agree, that statement makes no sense on it's own unless your husband is prone to going up there and creating over every little thing, which you say he doesn't. It is a response to something. I would bet you anything he was mouthing off and saying he would tell his dad/dad wouldn't make him do detention etc and this was her response. Your son denying it means nothing imo. Teens rarely tell the whole story if it shows them in a bad light or if they know they've been a bit of a twit.

rollonthesummer · 28/11/2016 17:14

--DS isn't poorly behaved - not sure what I've said to give that impression

Your told us that your son got into trouble today-he was inside at lunchtime when he shouldn't have been and was then arguing back to a teacher!

VintagePerfumista · 28/11/2016 17:16

God, who'd be a teacher.

Have you tried telling your husband he is giving your child a bad rep?

Also agree you very much have your child's whitewashed version here, so I wouldn't be going barnstorming in like you clearly usually do. Pps are right, the teacher didn't just say "and you can send your Dad in" unless she is used to Junior doing the "I'll tell my dad on you" bragging every time he gets told off.

Work with the school and don't belittle your son's misbehaving. If he was somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunchtime, then that means people were looking for him, and were possibly worried about him.

Unacceptable.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 28/11/2016 17:16

I don't think he said I'll tell my dad I think she is pissed off at your DH going in there moaning about trivial stuff.
But you are wrong about him having No control he has all the control. He just has to behave and follow the rules.
Regarding the mess they didn't make they need to suck it up life isn't fair. It's a good lesson for the future in secondary school

You need to tell your DH top back off. When your DS goes to secondary they won't give a monkies about your DH complaining about stupid stuff he may as well learn the lesson now

namechangedtoday15 · 28/11/2016 17:17

You say the teacher mentioned your DH and that was unprofessional because it has nothing to do with your son.

Unless you have another child at the same school, of course its to do with your son. Who else is it to do with?

Your DH has been into school to complain at various times - these must all be to do with your son whether it be about homework / class / other pupils etc.

I'd also think that you haven't got the full story from your son!