To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

If it happened exactly as you've described then yes, the teacher shouldn't have brought your dh into it.

BUT. I had a child in my class last year and for various reasons had lots of interaction with the parents. Whilst they knew their dd was no angel, they still felt they had to always be her advocate when there was any difficulty.

One day, the child wanted to borrow one of my pencils and I told her to use one of her own pencils from her pencil case. I looked down and there she was, breaking her pencil in half so I had to give her one of mine. I told her off for deliberately breaking the pencil. Lots of 'I didn't, I was trying to pare it' etc ensued.

That afternoon when the children were gone home, I got a message from the dad asking me to phone him about the pencil incident because DD was insisting she didn't break it. I didn't phone him because I needed time to calm down. This was the Nth time the likes of this had happened. The following morning, up comes the child with a smug smile and lands a letter from her dad on my table, saying that X insists she didn't break the pencil deliberately, etc etc etc.

This is one of countless examples of the little things that wear you down. I told this man very straight that he wasn't doing his daughter any favours by always fighting her battles for her but he's still at it this year with another teacher.

My point is that the teacher may feel like she is under constant scrutiny from your dh and while she shouldn't have said that, maybe your son has said in the past that his daddy would sort this out and she's just at the end of her tether. I know my pupil used to tell other children she would tell her dad and they'd be in trouble.

If you know your dh is a bit of a prat, why do you tell him the things that make him go to the school? Or is it your son telling him? He sounds like a pain in the arse.

Buck3t: The DS isn't the victim here. He was in the wrong as he knew he shouldn't have been in the room. Unsurprising that he got the blame for the mess (that is the consequence of not following the simple rule to start with). And he can't open his mouth to defend himself because the teacher is talking and it's disrespectful to interrupt. It's good for kids to understand this.

So why on earth does DH have such a bad rep then?

I don't think he does MrsCarrot

Mine, I'm not sure why you've included such a long story.

Sorry, misread - I saw 'DH' as 'DS' for some reason.

DH has a bad rep because he has complained on more than one occasion.

Please say you aren't thinking of commplaining?

Burgundy, perhaps he has the bad reputation because his nightmare father is what school staff would refer to as one of "those" parents. The sort who complains and whinges at anything because "little Johnny can do no wrong".

Therefore, "Little Johnny" knows he can get away with murder.

I'm thinking about asking for clarification.

It will certainly confirm if, as some seem to insist must be the case, my DS is a problem behaviour wise.

So are you then saying that they would judge a child because they don't like his parents?

I suspect there may be an element of encouraging the OP to complain to the teacher for entertainment value, when the outcome is inevitably reported back on this thread.
Mine's backstory is relevant in that the pencil incident in itself is insignificant, but is the straw that breaks the camel's (teacher's) back. Do you not see the parallel with your own DS and DH?

MulberryBush12: Not the case from my perspective at all.

No, not really. My DS didn't deny he was where he shouldn't have been and has agreed he should have kept quiet and not tried to argue. He also didn't 'threaten' the teacher with his dad.

They didn't "judge" him at all. He was doing something he shouldn't have been doing.
And they know bloody well your DH will be in like a rat up a drainpipe because he doesn't like it.

You can't see why the case mine described has any similarities with, or relevance to, your own story on this post?

What Topseyt said. Your husband really does need to stop being that parent.

So are you then saying that they would judge a child because they don't like his parents?

I don't think anyone would consciously do this but people are human, OP. If your DH has been making the teacher's life a misery over trivia, it can't surprise you that much if she isn't overly fond of your son. It is natural, even if it isn't fair.

Okay

But for arguments sake, if he won't stop being "that parent", is it fair on DS to give him a hard time over it?

As I can assure you DS has nothing to do with it.

Burgundy

Something for you think about, I have been chastised by several parents, they didn't swear or shout, but the threats that they said to me where very clear.

In most of the cases I just reported to my Head of Department and Headteacher that I would not be taking phone calls or meetings from the parent/s is question, on several occasions due to the parent being 'aggressive' to several members of staff the parent was no longer aloud on the premises or to talk to the teachers, all complaints where through the Senior members of staff (didn't stop them from emailing or phoning in abuse). In one case the Headteacher forwarded the issue on to the police, who took a very serious view of it.

The long and the short of it is that your "D"H does have to shout and swear to be a complete dick.

He also didn't 'threaten' the teacher with his dad.

He says he didn't.

That's a shame, Trifle

DS is really by all accounts rather nice.

How sad someone would dislike him because of his father.

If it happened as your DS said OP then yes, the teacher is out of order. Whatever the teacher's issues with your husband (and frankly I think he needs to ease off the teachers a bit), the teacher should not be taking it out on your son. Shout at him for being where he was, fine. Don't embarrass him about his father.

Having said that, nothing good will come from mentioning it to the teacher.

If it's true, it's sad. You don't know yet if it is the case. But if it is, can you honestly blame her?

Boney I promise I am not disputing for a moment DH can be a complete dick, but I'm positive it hasn't been done in a way you describe. Apart from anything else DH has a professional code he has to adhere to in his own job. He can be arrogant and he can be sneery and he can be dismissive but aggressive - no. Honest :)

The above is not saying the teachers probably aren't thinking 'tosser' when they see him; I'm sure they are. But I don't want them feeling the same about my child.

Can I blame someone for disliking a nine year old because they don't like his father? Er ... yes, to be honest. I had a difficult mother but I'm not aware of any teachers who disliked me because of it. She was difficult for me, too!

Is it fair to give ds a hard time over it?. They haven't though, have they? He was doing something he shouldn't have been doing.