To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

But I don't want them feeling the same about my child.

Then you need to stop your DH from being sneers and dismissive to the people who teach your child. An attitude of superiority and barely concealed contempt from your DH to school staff is doing your DS no favours at all. It must be horrible for that teacher to have to deal with issues (educational or behavioural) involving your DS, knowing she is then going to have to deal with your DH who, to be fair, comes across really badly in your last post.

How sad someone would dislike him because of his father.

It would be sad, yes. Perhaps something for your husband to consider.

But it doesn't mean this teacher actually dislikes your son. She likely just "had a moment."

I see, so he's arrogant, dismissive and sneery with teachers. Not aggressive though. That's all right then.

If your DH really is arrogant, sneery and dismissive (he sounds like an absolute prick, by the way), you really need to keep him away from your son's school.

burgundy

It may be as you say but some parents that are not aloud in the school are professionals. But I don't know how you DH complains.

The thing is that when you have one of "those" parents it is going to have an effect on how you relate to their children. A lot of the "fun"/relationship building parts of teaching get removed when you have to be (quite rightly) worried about how a parent will react.

Trifleorbust: Never said anyone here is the victim. But two wrongs don't make a right. What you are trying to tell me is it's okay to go off at a child for everything and when he tries to explain (admittedly assuming the child is not being given a chance to say anything here), snidely mention his DF's penchant for contacting the school.

Pretty certain you shouldn't be charged with a crime you didn't commit just because you happen to be committing a different crime in the same place.

Just wondering if because it's a school and they have the power, that makes the teachers right.

He sounds like an absolute nightmare. The teacher is only human and working in a very high stress, high pressure job. And she is being judged very harshly by you on something that she has reportedly said. Not something that you even actually heard her say.

Buck3t: I'm not trying to tell you that at all

So now not only DS, but I, have control over my DHs actions? I've told him to leave school dealings to me. What more can I actually do?

YABU, you admit he was misbehaving and then answered the teacher back! It sounds like you always take your son's word for it and your partner is a serial complainer, so it's little wonder the teacher was so exasperated!

You should look closer to home for the real problem here rather than trying to blame other people.

She wasn't really judging your son by his father. She was anticipating a response from your DH maybe? And no, she shouldn't have said it, but as long as your DH treats her with disrespect, she'll probably go on thinking it.

What did he say when you told him to leave school dealings to you?

So now not only DS, but I, have control over my DHs actions? I've told him to leave school dealings to me. What more can I actually do?

Maybe tell him that his attitude is vile and he is going to undermine the relationship between his son and his teacher if he continues? He sounds like a massive bully. Is he like this with you?

Agrees, mostly.

Why do you let your DH be like this? Especially if it starts to affect your son, who might be a complete angel, but when you've got a Dad steaming in and being arrogant, twattish, dismissive, a bit of a dick, sneery (all your words) ... then I would be absolutely furious with him, because although it shouldn't affect an opinion of a son, it means that how the teacher is with your son will be different to other pupils because your DH will be in there demnding meetings.

Mountain out of molehill. Ignore it. Don't be as bad as your dh, to complain to school that the teacher said she didn't care if your dh complained is farcical. Leave it, its a nothing issue. Learn to lick your battles, this is not one of them. Sounds like you are regarded as THAT family. Don't make it worse!

Given how you admit your husband behaves OP, I'd be inclined to give the school and teachers a lorra, lorra rope.

I'd be verrrry slow to raise ANY issues, just because of how your husband conducts himself.

I didn't say steaming in.

I respect teachers and I would raise any concerns nicely, which is what I was going to do tomorrow and is why I'm asking on here, not letting DH know!

OP do you have any other evidence that the teacher doesn't like your son? Have you been happy with how he's been treated at school other than today's incident?

Who are you going to raise your concerns with? The teacher who you think said it, the head?

Very minor things. So minor they aren't worth mentioning. I probably am being over sensitive on DS's behalf, but I remember one teacher I had being really awful to me because of my mother and it really upset me.

The teacher, I think would be best.

Triflebust: I must have read it wrong sorry.

IMO - The DS has been villified completely by the MN crew. The OP must be wrong about her son (she very well could be, I don't know her or him), and the teacher was only a little wrong, but ultimately it's the 9 year old fault's because he did the first wrong.

Of course, I could just be projecting my view of teachers through my own experience, which is also a reasonable assessment.

B

I would focus on your sons behaviour before criticizing the teacher. I doubt very much a teacher would actually say that to a child. Why oh why do parents always believe there precious children over teachers!!!