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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what funny things you said in labour?

238 replies

ollieplimsoles · 21/11/2016 00:09

Me and dh were just reminiscing about dd's birth just over a year ago. I had been hypnobirthing and was trying to remain cool and calm through the whole thing...

...then I hit transition. I remember the worst contraction of the whole ordeal forcing me to the floor howling and throwing up, dh looked on in horror and when it was over I bawled 'I swear its not as bad as it looks!!'

I also told him that I was thirsty "but its ok I've found a lake, oh wait its a mirage" I was hallucinating on g&a.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
orangebird69 · 21/11/2016 00:12

I want to die.
Can I go home and come back in 2 weeks?
'Luke, I am your father' - I was high on G & A and thought I sounded like Darth Vader.

Willow89 · 21/11/2016 00:14

I can't believe I'm missing Xfactor for THIS?!
High as a kite on g&a😂

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 21/11/2016 00:16

Can I go home and come back in 2 weeks

Haha I said something like this as well, i said "can we stop it til morning when more people are around?" I felt unnerved by the quiet labour ward at night...

OP posts:
BoopTheSnoot · 21/11/2016 00:21

I was induced at 13 days overdue with my eldest DS. It seemed that everyone was having their babies that night, the labour ward was full so I had to stay on the maternity ward (where most women go after they've had the baby or during pregnancy) until I was 7cm. So I laboured for 16 hours on this ward. Must have walked for miles up and down the corridor with my mum, DH and a really lovely midwife.
At one point I poked my head around the door of one of the postnatal bays and apologised to all the ladies in there and said I'd try not to wake their babies with my wailing. Midwife thought a bath would ease things for me, so she ran one even though I said I didn't want one, I just wanted to keep walking up and down. She took us to the bathroom, and just the steam from the water made me feel claustrophobic. I said I wasn't for getting in. She said "Oh why did I run this bath?" I just looked at her and said "Well it IS a waste of hot water. Hey, you work long hours I bet your feet are sore. Why don't you get in and have a soak? We'll wait outside for you, it'd be weird otherwise. I won't grass on you. Go on, you can borrow my shampoo if you want"
She just stared at me a bit like Hmm

gunting · 21/11/2016 00:24

I don't think I was very funny but I did manage to eat a steak at 5cm dilated Grin

HeCantBeSerious · 21/11/2016 00:24

I was off my tits on gas and air. I had no lenses or glasses on and so beyond my bump the room was pretty blurry. I thought there were about 200 people in the room. I asked whether they'd sold tickets and begged them "whichever one of you can get my baby out I'll give a million pounds". I don't have a million pounds. Blush

HeCantBeSerious · 21/11/2016 00:25

(By thy point I'd been awake for 4 nights, induced and pushing for 2.5 hours to no effect.)

redheadbarmaid · 21/11/2016 00:31

I apologised to the midwife for shitting myself apparently! !

orangebird69 · 21/11/2016 00:33

ollie, I did not enjoy pregnancy and was very glad that because of my age I would be induced on my due date. The thought of having to go to 42 weeks depressed me. Until labour started. I decided then that I'd be quite happy to wait two more weeks 😮😂.

I also demanded a c-section. Ds was crowning at the time.

TheSoapyFrog · 21/11/2016 00:34

I sang Barry White songs and the theme to Shaft. I also gave a monologue on the evils of tinned mushrooms and laid out a business plan to sell gas and air in pubs and clubs instead of alcohol.

Friendofsadgirl · 21/11/2016 00:38

orangebird69, me too.
I remember someone came into the room and I said to him "Try this and see if you sound like Darth Vader too."
He replied "I don't think that's a good idea. I'm your anaesthetist." Smile

Pizanfan · 21/11/2016 00:42

Mine was a week ago:

'For the love of fuck just kill me now!'

DonaldStott · 21/11/2016 00:49

Gas and air made my voice really weird. Veey deep, like I had something blocking my throat. It made dh laugh and I told him to stop laughing at me 'cos it sounded like I was sucking cock' Blush I cringe now as there was a midwife in there. I also told him to stop the kids outside the delivery suite, to stop playing clap hands. There was nobody there.

I loved gas and air Grin

DonaldStott · 21/11/2016 00:50

Oh and 'sucking cock' is definitely not.the kind of language I use in everyday life btw.

user1478289914 · 21/11/2016 01:01

I turned around to the midwife and Said oh thank god he doesn't have teeth 😂

teenmumandsowhat · 21/11/2016 01:07

With my 1st, I couldn't bear G&A during my labour, but I needed it for my stitches, it was confiscated though, apparently I was speaking about floating on the ceiling...

And with my 2nd, I relied heavily on G&A during the labour, but managed to master it too well, I repeatedly kept knocking myself out and coming round again and reaching straight for it again, again I think I said something about feeling like everything was fluffy. ..

Cellardoor23 · 21/11/2016 01:11

I said to my DP that I was going to buy him some new football shorts because I thought his other ones were old. He's still waiting on these shorts.

frikadela01 · 21/11/2016 01:14

I just did a lot of begging for the midwife to do something about the pain. When the anaesthetist finally came I said "and where the fuck have you been". She started talking me through the consent form for the epidural and I was pushing so I apologised and told her to just go. I also had watched too much one born and thought you could only push when you're told to so screamed "my body won't stop pushing" poor midwife just had me screaming at her for 2 hours.

DellaPorter · 21/11/2016 01:20

Things went so quick that my midwife called an ambulance to get me to hospital. I was the first in, while dp and the midwife we're bringing our stuff. The ambulance man was asking me various questions for his forms, I snapped irritably 'just shut up and drive!'

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 21/11/2016 01:22

  • Asked the midwife if she was sure I was 10cm dilated and DD wasn't just a "giant poo".
  • Told everyone I was actually fishing for mackerel in a stream with my dad.
  • Hallucinated farmyard animals and a farmer in the room.
  • "There's a line of polar bears marching at the bottom of the bed. Wearing socks".
  • "Y'know biker gangs... do they take attendance?".
  • DP had the audacity to ask a midwife how everything was going. I growled "Shut up!", then took a breath of gas and air, and sighed "I'm sorry, you were just getting on my tits".
  • "Make him shut up". "Make who shut up?". "The man outside playing bagpipes, make him shut up!".

Before giving birth I was worried about screaming and annoying the midwives. Apparently I made it look easy, I was just really fucking annoying on the G&A Grin

Cellardoor23 · 21/11/2016 01:22

I fell asleep sitting up when the doctor was telling me about the epidural and woke up at the end. All I remember him saying was 'Did you get that?' Me 'What?'

I was told I needed to have one or I wouldn't have had the energy to push. I think I proved their point!

mamatiger2016 · 21/11/2016 05:35

We had some 'calming' music on at the suggestion of the midwife and I told OH to 'turn off that bloody drum & bass music as it was doing my head in'

I was also in the pool for a bit on the G&A and I spoke about being able to see the boats in the ocean and people having fun on jet skis

I then projectile vomited everywhere and they took away the G&A. I would definitely recommend it in pubs instead of drinking Confused

Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 05:44

I shouldn't be reading this. 37 + 2 here...

LavenderRains · 21/11/2016 05:53

I loved G&A
I screamed at DH that he better hurry up and phone his mother to tell her I'd had the baby or she will be gone to work......
MIL had retired about 10 years previously and at that point there was no sign of the babyConfused
DH popped out to get something to eat and apparently I was shouting 'it's alright for you, I want a fucking pie' Blush
in rl I hate pies and very rarely swear!

SlurplePurple · 21/11/2016 06:05

After 30 ish hours at 8cm with a back to back baby I remember screaming at the male midwife that between him and dp they should source a gun and shoot me now because if they didn't I was going to kill myself.
Dp actually rang my sister to ask if I could be serious and she just laughed. An hour later I had an epidural and promptly fell asleep until they woke me for an emcs. I heard the word Cesarian and thanked the midwife for being sensible and choosing that over a gun Grin.