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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what funny things you said in labour?

238 replies

ollieplimsoles · 21/11/2016 00:09

Me and dh were just reminiscing about dd's birth just over a year ago. I had been hypnobirthing and was trying to remain cool and calm through the whole thing...

...then I hit transition. I remember the worst contraction of the whole ordeal forcing me to the floor howling and throwing up, dh looked on in horror and when it was over I bawled 'I swear its not as bad as it looks!!'

I also told him that I was thirsty "but its ok I've found a lake, oh wait its a mirage" I was hallucinating on g&a.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
PurpleNurple69 · 21/11/2016 20:55

It wasn't while I was in labour but the following day when I'd been awake for 48 hours and still high on gas and air. The doctor asked me on morning rounds "and what have you called her?" I looked blank for a few minutes clearly trying to remember what my day old daughter was called - I knew it began with B and replied "Barnaby". He was like Confused Christ I needed a sleep!

Cocklodger · 21/11/2016 21:01

I spent most of the time apologizing to my mum
''Ow I'm so sorry I did this to you''
''I'm sorry I broke your fanny please don't kill me''
ad infinitum.

peppatax · 21/11/2016 21:04

Will totally out self but had a homebirth and the two midwives were sat having a nice cup of tea and a chat while I was writing around in pain, one said to the other 'and then who are you going to call?' so in G&A haze shouted 'Ghostbusters!'

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 21/11/2016 21:06

I remember having a c-section after 3days of labour (no sleep) and all the people in the room were saying who they were 'I'm dr so and so, I will be preforming the section, I'm dr so and so I will be monitoring' etc. And I then said, 'I'm mummy peppa and I will be having the baby' Grin

ALLthedinosaurs · 21/11/2016 21:08

"Do you know what? Fuck this, it's shit. Lets all go home!" (gas and air)

"OH HELLO, SORRY ABOUT MY BUM!"

I made donkey AND ambulance noises.

"OH! Is he out?!" The first loving words my son heard me say after firing him out human cannonball style Grin

ricecrispies16 · 21/11/2016 21:13

Towards the end,

"Mum, just kill me.... kill me"

Haha bloody awful!

Natsku · 21/11/2016 21:24

Oh how I love G&A Grin

I was considering an epidural but wasn't sure so the midwife sent for the doctor to discuss my options with me. She came in and asked how I was and I replied "I'M FUCKING HIGH!!!"

At one point I kept saying "I did a poo, didn't I? Did I do a poo?" while the midwife kept reassuring me that I didn't.

I dread to think how I must have looked, as I got too hot so I stripped off completely and was on the bed on all fours, completely stark naked screaming "I can't do this any more!"

dontbesillyhenry · 21/11/2016 21:27

With my latest it was a couple of weeks after the France terror attacks so terrorism must have been in my subconscious as I was shouting about Lee Rigby and we needed to take the kids and head to the country. I was also shouting about not wanting forceps because look what happened to Sylvester Stallone Blush

Upanddownroundandround · 21/11/2016 21:28

Peppatax haha Grin. That's brilliant.

I was high on GA after the birth whilst being stitched up and tried to flirt with the male doctor as he sewed me up.Blush Made terrible references to his wife or gf to see if he had one. DH was sitting beside me holding my hand. Blush

onedayimightforget · 21/11/2016 21:37

How in the world did anyone manage to speak while having their stitches done? The gas and air didn't leave my mouth, I was breathing (very, very slowly) like Darth Vader. The doctor stitching me had to remind me to breathe.

At the time I said G&A was the weirdest, the best and the worst thing in the world. In hindsight I'd love a bit more of it!

LifeLong13 · 21/11/2016 21:52

Firstly the doctor came in whilst I was on all 4s on a crash mat husband rubbing my back I let rip an all mighty fart- I turned to my husband and said "oh! You dirty bugger! Sorry dr!" The doctor laughed and said "ah- I'm not needed here"

I turned to the midwife and said "I want to push"
MW: you need to accept you're having a c section. We're taking you down in 10..."
Me: "no really please"
MW: "ok LongLife just to say I have..."
DH: "SHIT! SHES GOT HAIR!!!"
She was crowing- 2 pushes and she was out Grin

NoUseNumber27 · 21/11/2016 21:53

I loved g&a!

Told my mum to ring my dad and put the black out blind up otherwise baby would never sleep.

Discusses interior decorating with midwife.

Mandatory darth Vader impersonation.

Told everyone I couldn't push because I would poo everywhere, then peed anyway.

Said wow this is like smoking weed to my mum who is the most innocent lady in the world.

Laughed the whole time they stitched me up!!

LifeLong13 · 21/11/2016 21:57

Oh and another shitty doctor came in and wouldn't talk to me. Only DH. I asked her to talk to me (this was about 24 hours in I'd lost all inhibition) she refused and kept talking to him. I started telling her that I still had mental capacity blah blah. When she left I asked the midwife what car she drove to work
MW: I don't know. Why?
Me: coz I'm gonna smash the windscreen in Blush

fadingfast · 21/11/2016 21:59

Just after I delivered DD, the midwife said "it's a girl!". I said: "are you sure??!" Confused

FreezerBird · 21/11/2016 22:00

Don't remember much about labour with ds, it was all a bit traumatic, but I did get the Darth Vader voice, and I think I told the anaesthetist who gave me an epidural that he was a very nice man indeed.

With dd it was all much calmer; I was quite quiet and sort of inward focussed. But when she was crowning I said "it's burning!", and the midwife said "well, it's going to burn if you're going to have this baby" - I turned to her and said in a very dignified sort of voice "I am well aware of that thank you. I just needed to say it out loud."

glueandstick · 21/11/2016 22:03

I remember discussing in depth what finished Michael Jackson off and insisting that someone googled it as I couldn't be fucked to keep arguing. I was arguing with myself.

SovietKitsch · 21/11/2016 22:04

Should I be reading this thread and feeling nostalgic about labour?! I'm really bloody broody now Confused

weeblueberry · 21/11/2016 22:06

Ooooh yeah.

With my first I turned to my partner (in hindsight I was in transition) and said maybe we shouldn't have kids maybe we should just be the sort of couple who spends money on cruises and fancy dessert forks. I also tried to sell my impending baby to the midwife apparently.

With her I also was so high on the G&A that when my partner leaned in deeply and tried to tell me to breathe regularly I tried to take a swing at him, ripping the drip out of my hand and spraying the room in blood. It was like a scene from the Walking Dead as he tried to hold my hand down and I repeatedly tried to...erm....punch him. Blush

Oh and when the surgeon came into the room to refit my cannula and did it in about two seconds I screamed at him 'where the bloody hell were you two hours ago when THAT WOMAN (pointing harshly) spent an age trying to get it in me??'

I'm surprised the midwife didn't just let the baby fall out of me frankly...

wheresthewine36 · 21/11/2016 22:08

Off my face on gas and air, I told my dp the baby "might look like Muhammed Ali". I have explanation except that I had been reading his biography...
Next birth, more gas and air. "You're beautiful" by James Blunt was on the radio. I shouted at my dp "tell him to piss off, he's putting me off my breathing!". I was convinced James Blunt was in the corner singing.

LifeLong13 · 21/11/2016 22:09

I'm surprised the midwife didn't just let the baby fall out of me frankly...

Grin
AudreyBradshaw · 21/11/2016 22:11

Right, well, I'm due on Wednesday, so probably not the best idea to read this, but it's made me laugh so considering it a win! Grin

Whatsername17 · 21/11/2016 22:11

"I can do this dh, I'm Chuck Norris!" No gas & air Blush

SaintEyning · 21/11/2016 22:12

My mum was with me and I've neve sworn in front of her - somehow I still managed not to swear throughout and even said "I'm so sorry, I've never done this before, I'm not very good at it" when the midwife was instructing me to push... Then on G&A for stitches, got so off my rocker (mum too busy cooing over DS to notice) that I was convinced I was dying and ended up announcing it was like the worst trip ever. This revealing my drug taking past to my highly religious and sheltered mother... Great.

inlectorecumbit · 21/11/2016 22:12

DD! on G&A l told everyone l worked for the co-op undertaker ( l am a nurse !!!)
DD2 G&A while having a section (long story) baby was born and consultant was fishing out the placenta-apparently l screamed at him and told him that he had promised me that there was only one baby when he did my ultrasounds during pregnancy and if there was another one in there he could take it home to his wife and tell her where it came from Blush.

LolaStarr · 21/11/2016 22:22

With DS, DH had a go with gas and air, and asked if he sounded like a giant. I laughed that much I weed myself and was convinced my waters had gone. Got a shock when they actually did go!