to ask what funny things you said in labour?

[ollieplimsoles]

Me and dh were just reminiscing about dd's birth just over a year ago. I had been hypnobirthing and was trying to remain cool and calm through the whole thing...

...then I hit transition. I remember the worst contraction of the whole ordeal forcing me to the floor howling and throwing up, dh looked on in horror and when it was over I bawled 'I swear its not as bad as it looks!!'

I also told him that I was thirsty "but its ok I've found a lake, oh wait its a mirage" I was hallucinating on g&a.

Anyone else?

Crying at some of these! I didn't say anything silly as I hated g&a, so didn't have it. I did however scream at my mum when I was in labour with DD1 to just "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" when she was saying "you're doing great, keep going" - Neither me or my mum are swearers and I've never screamed at her like that before. To her credit, she just took it & has never brought it up to this day.

I gave birth on the floor with dd2.
I was offered the bed in the room, but refused, because I didn't think I'd be able to climb on it safely.

I remembered after dd2 was born that I had asked for it to be raised so I could lean on it, so the bed was nearly at shoulder height. Of course it would have lowered so I could climb on it.
Poor midwife.

I put a bet on Portugal to win the Euros while I was in labour. I don't normally gamble. I won the bet about 4 weeks later.

Not long before DD was born I only removed the gas and air to say to DH "I think I might be dying"

This is a brilliant thread and has done more for getting me over my own shitty labour than anything else - thanks everyone!
I was VERY upset that the GBK takeaway that my partner and mum had ordered got thrown away after I'd only had 2 soggy chips and a mouthful of corn on the cob. I did enjoy being wheeled from the midwife led unit to the delivery suite on the bed, and may have waved at people like the queen.

I said the queen was coming visiting me and was laughing that loud all the midwifes came running in gas and air is fab xx

I PROPOSED to the medical student who was observing his first birth. Apparently I became quite stroppy when he turned me down and told him dp who as standing there holding my hand wouldn't mind!!

I was a great marriage project as I slumped legs akimbo, vomit covering me, on a drip and refusing to let anyone else hold my precious gas and air mask....he didn't know what he was missing out on

This was before I'd had any G&A so no excuse... called the hospital to say I was coming in, and just as they answered another contraction hit. When it had passed I picked up the phone and in the most ridiculous posh telephone voice said "gosh, sorry, I don't make a habit of heavy breathing down the phone to strangers"

I also was lay on bed whilst the midwife examined me I asked how many cm I was when she said for I just remember shouting oh your taking the piss ain't you xx

For=4

LauraMipsum

I am quite jealous of everyone who had such a great time on gas and air. It did fuck all for me except taste a bit musty!

Another one same birth though, the next morning after getting the feeling back in my legs I was still clearly high even in afternoon and exclaimed to everyone Inc my sil and my dm that g&a was better than hash.

I hadn't smoked weed for years by this point!

I had a panic attack on gas and air and didn't use it after the first suck and panic.

For birth of DD1, I was leaning over the bed inhaling the gas and air. DH was next to me, I turned to him "Your breath stinks! You smell so bad! Could you not have brushed your teeth this morning?! Get out my face."
Apparently brushing his teeth was not priority at 4am in the morning with a wife in labour.

However for the next birth he had his own toothbrush and toothpaste packed in the labour bag!

Apparently I told the midwife I didn't know where DD got off being overdue (43+4!!) when her DF was an expert at being premature.

'it's a poor design, you just know a man came up with it, they need better drugs or better vaginas'

'and now i've poohed, god this is unattractive'
'no you haven't dear, it just feels that way'
'i have been poohing for 29 years, i know when i've poohed and i've poohed, don't lie to me, i can handle the truth'
'ok dear'

After having our second boy quite close together. I declared with a gleeful smile that we had our own Ronnie and reggie kray midwife was like I bloody well hope now. Dh gave me a very look. In my defence I was off my face!

This is so funny !

Now - not

I was very insistent the anaesthetist had dr who like qualities about him - this pleased me and I was quite forceful in encouraging a group discussion about it.

When that epidural wore off and they gave me a second lot of induction iv drugs I turned into another begging to be given the dignity of a racehorse and shot. Screamed at the midwife to remove 'her fucking hand' when she tried to examine me.

When they finally numbed me up again in theatre to have a go dragging DD out or going to CS I quite quickly reverted to the loveliest patient in the world I distinctly remember pushing despite not being able to feel anything and cheerfully announcing 'this is a piece of piss - you can do what you like now'. Well until I heard the surgeon discussing how best to stitch up my clitoris

With my first I said OMG it's actually a proper baby 🙄

I hated gas and air too, just made me feel very spacey and not attached to my body properly

I did grab DH's hand really awkwardly during one intense contraction and squeezed tightly despite it obviously hurting him. I apologised the whole way through the contraction because I just couldn't let go!

I was told off by my midwife for phwoaring my DP in his scrubs while waiting to be transferred to OT for an emergency c-section. Apparently that's what got us into that mess in the first place. He did look particularly hot though (and I'm seriously considering buying him a set for alone time)

Just about to start pushing, sweating and grunting like a pig. Lovely DP, starts to wipe my forehead with my makeup removal wipes. Usually they smell lovely, in the throes of labour, not so much.

"What the FUCK do you think you are doing? They STINK!"

I did apologise afterwards, poor man was only trying to help.

Also, same labour, room full of people as there was lots of meconium in my waters and there was a group of students all wanting a look. Pushing, and just sadly wailed, "I can't do this, I'm so tired!" Felt all sorry for myself, until this wonderful no-nonsense midwife told me the babys head was right there, ofc I can do it, not that I have much choice now.

That perked me right up, I showed my extreme pleasure by bellowing...

"REALLY? GREAT! LET'S GET THIS SHIT DONE!"

The whole room laughed at me, but to be fair, DD was born in the next two pushes

Temporary, G&a did nothing for me in labour. I dilated a lot quicker than anyone wad expecting so it was too late for any other pain relief and as much as i tried, I needed 2 hands free (no idea why) when I was pushing through contractions so I couldn't hold the pipe. It was very welcome though when I was being stitched up after.