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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what funny things you said in labour?

238 replies

ollieplimsoles · 21/11/2016 00:09

Me and dh were just reminiscing about dd's birth just over a year ago. I had been hypnobirthing and was trying to remain cool and calm through the whole thing...

...then I hit transition. I remember the worst contraction of the whole ordeal forcing me to the floor howling and throwing up, dh looked on in horror and when it was over I bawled 'I swear its not as bad as it looks!!'

I also told him that I was thirsty "but its ok I've found a lake, oh wait its a mirage" I was hallucinating on g&a.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
clumsyduck · 21/11/2016 11:52

Oh yes I too was very insistint I needed a poo ! Apparently I didn't I was having a baby Grin

CoodleMoodle · 21/11/2016 12:00

I had pre-eclampsia which went undiagnosed for a couple of days, so very unwell, also in massive pain from the actual labour. When I had the epidural it was the first time I'd felt good for days. Every time someone came in the room, I'd immediately say "I had an epidural!" and beam at them.

When DD was actually born, DH said something like, "Oh Coodle, she's beautiful!" and I replied, "is she a girl!?" (We'd been told girl but were never 100% sure.)

Camomila · 21/11/2016 12:05

I never said anything funny :(
I went from completely calm, so much so that the midwives were commenting on it (I was lucky, between the water and the G&A contractions weren't that bad)
To full on screaming for the last half an hour...they took away my lovely gas and air so I could concentrate on pushing.

Dizzybintess · 21/11/2016 12:06

I was genuinely convinced there was a yellow plastic duck walking across the room! (Too much pethadine)
And I kept doing darth vadar impressions on the gas and air

Avonandice · 21/11/2016 12:10

I spent much of the second childs labour singing irish drinking songs and was very impressed aparently that the anethatist who came to give me a spinal block knew them too. I was convinced that he was daniel o'donnell and then i moved onto filthy jokes.

clumsyduck · 21/11/2016 12:11

avon
That made me laugh !

I'm determined to enjoy the gas and air and be more funny if I have another ! I just wanted everyone to fuck off so I could listen to my music

clumsyduck · 21/11/2016 12:13

And by music I mean my usual mix of rnb, hip hop , dance and 80s cheese nothing soothing or anything Grin

MrsReiver · 21/11/2016 12:13

This could put me as I tell this story a lot, in the early stages of labour I was dozing on the sofa watching/listening to the summing up of Oscar Pistorious' trial. I didn't get to see the end as we had to go into hospital.

Immediately after DS was born, I lifted the mask from my face and asked "does anyone know if Pistorious was found guilty or not?"

InfiniteSheldon · 21/11/2016 12:14

Avon Grin I became convinced I was Sue Ellen and tried to insist everyone left as all I needed was JR. Binge watching Dallas possibly wasn't the best preparation for a thirty-six hour Labour.

WankingMonkey · 21/11/2016 12:14

Oh god. I had already been in labour for about 30 hours. Had finally got an epidural a few hours back. I got the most strange feeling...like a balloon blowing up between my legs (I had no feeling there at all,m but felt this balloon?) so I voiced this as 'I feel like a balloons just been blown up in my fanny' Blush

Midwives and husband laughed their heads off and assumed I was just out of it on drugs. Never occurred to anyone to see if anything was actually going on. Midwife switchover came about 10 mins later, I for some reason felt the need to tell the story to the new midwives, who looked at me in horror, examined me and it turned out the 'balloon feeling' was actually DD moving downwards...she was born 10 mins later. DH still takes the piss about the balloon to this day...

WankingMonkey · 21/11/2016 12:16

'Luke, I am your father' - I was high on G & A and thought I sounded like Darth Vader.

Ahh I wondered if this was just me. I have had G&A on a few more occasions than in labour and every time I feel like my voice has gone really really deep. Never thought to ask anyone about it...

doghairinmytea · 21/11/2016 12:21

I had been in labour for 4 days and was part of a drugs trial for a new opiate 3 days in. I was silent for 5 hours- the prince of belair rap was going around my head the entire time.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 21/11/2016 12:23

Nearly at the end of a very fast, intense labour with dc2. Midwife had arrived about 10 mins before and attempted a vaginal examination which failed as I just couldn't stay still long enough. I pinged around like a salmon, threw myself over onto all fours and wailed "I'm either going to shit myself or the baby's head is coming down!"
She didn't hear me properly, so I repeated it and she still wasn't following, at which point DH intervened - "um, I think she said she might need the toilet..."
It was the baby's head, DS was born 10 minutes later. I didn't shit myself Grin

wowwee123 · 21/11/2016 12:25

on gas and air i was talking about the local drug dealer saying how good he was etc. i dont take drugs and only know of them as hearsay but i made myself sound like a drug conniseur in trying to explain g&a to dm and dp dm is well experienced in g&a has 5 dc of her own

Sleepingbunnies · 21/11/2016 12:26

My first birth I was high as a kite on gas and air and epidural I was asking when the photographer was arriving for our OK magazine photoshoot! Hmm

BearFeet · 21/11/2016 12:29

On gas and air speaking about getting in the birthing pool. I asked if I get in and don't like it am I allowed to get out? Grin

nolongersurprised · 21/11/2016 12:35

I was hoping for a calm, drug free water birth for my 3rd, having had two straightforward normal deliveries prior. She was posterior and it hurt like fuck and the labour was taking longer than I'd liked. At the point when the contractions seemed to be coming on top of each other I remember saying, "I've changed my mind about the birth. I would like a c-section under a general anaesthetic".

Everyone acted like I'd said nothing at all and I had a baby - vaginally - shortly afterwards

LittleLionMansMummy · 21/11/2016 12:35

I used g&a as a bargaining tool. Apparently I was getting lazy and they threatened to take it away. Over my dead body was I going to allow that. I replied: "No. I know what I've got to do, and I will do it, just please let me keep taking the gas and air".

Temporaryname137 · 21/11/2016 12:35

God, I had no idea what was going on. I reacted badly to the first drug they gave me, so when they wheeled me in for a C-section, whatever they gave me then made me projectile vomit everywhere. They had to get a mini Henry the Hoover to suction it all up.

Then they gave me morphine. Lovely floaty morphine. I was totally out of it. When we rang my dad a bit later on, I was so away with the fairies that I said, "alright Dad, what's up with you?" and of course, he was all "Hmm any news to tell me?!?".

minesapintofwine · 21/11/2016 12:38

After hours of pushing I went in for an emergency c section. I was Sat up on the operating trolley thing giving an Oscar speech 'thank you everyone for doing this (sheds tears) I really am so grateful, I tried really hard to get it out but I'm so glad I'm now having a C section'. They kept pushing me down to lie down and I kept sitting back up Grin

Not during Labour, but I once had a seating anaesthetic that sent me high as a kite. I shouted at one of the nurses to stop singing cos it was getting on my nerves 'do you think you're special or something?' She wasn't singing Blush

minesapintofwine · 21/11/2016 12:42

Sedating not seating

HmmHaa · 21/11/2016 12:47

These are making me actually laugh out loud - getting strange looks in a coffee shop!

I somehow seemed to think that it was some kind of covert mission - threw up when transitioning, dragged DH into the toilet with me and told him we were lucky it was in here, no-one saw. Obviously he went to get the mw and they came back to me on all fours, desperately cleaning up the vom, pretending it didn't happen. Kept making DH 'cover' for me when I made a noise or anything - absolutely bonkers.

G&A - bloody hell. The shit I rambled on to the poor doctor who was stitching me up. DH was looking indulgently embarrassed, trying to say 'sorry, she's had a bit of C&A, doesn't know what she's saying'. I did a 'Ho Ho Ho!' Kind of laugh and promised them he had secrets I could tell them that would make their hair stand on end' etc etc

Absolute dickhead the whole time.

minesapintofwine · 21/11/2016 12:51

Oh yes I vomited during labour too. Lots. It was black! The midwife kept asking me if I'd drunk Cola. Everyone kept coming in to see Confused

I look back at that time and think wow Dh definitely has seen me at my worst. As have a bunch of strangers Grin. Halfnaked on all fours in a room full of strangers whilst I get increasingly irritated and snappy with all of them. Lovely way to spend a Thursday night!

ludog · 21/11/2016 12:53

I had a midwife who kept rubbing ice on my stomach to check if the epidural was working (it wasn't but she didn't seem to believe me, hence the regular tests). I lost patience and shouted "if you come near me with that fu@@ing ice once more you'll go home with it up your hole" 😳 dh didn't know where to look 😁

panad317 · 21/11/2016 12:56

"I am NOT feeding this baby for a WEEK!!"

What the fuck was I thinking?

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