Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

How is she getting to the call the shots?

Yanbu, I've worked with many people who don't drink or don't eat meat for religious reasons and other reasons, they joined us on team nights out and just didn't drink, we'd always make sure there were suitable veggie menu options. They wouldn't come if the sole purpose was to go get drunk, and if people were staying out after the meal they wouldn't join them, but then I tend not to either and I have no reason other than not wanting to!

I don't think you're BU. I would feel irritated, too. Fair enough if someone doesn't want to drink (for any reason, religion or otherwise), or chooses not to go to a place that serves alcohol, even. I don't see why that means no one else can, either.

That's not fair on all of you.
No way is that fair.

Sorry, posted too soon. Could this not be a misunderstanding? It sounds daft.

We are Muslim but we are rubbish at it drink and go to restaurants that serve alcohol even when not imbibing. I think YANBU. If the majority want to drink then that should dictate where you go. If your colleague doesn't like it then she doesn't have to attend. It's also Christmas, not Eid or Nowrooz, which might also change things.

And I am shuddering at the idea of a dry works Christmas do....

I know plenty of people who don't drink for religious reasons but still go to places that serve alcohol. It's very difficult to find somewhere that doesn't. It's also unnecessary.

As a Muslim myself, I can definitely say that she is being unreasonable. How come she is going to have a meal that is not Halal (I presume), which is ok in her books, but not other people drinking?

I'm afraid I agree with you. Tolerance cuts both ways and it's not reasonable for you to be expected to comply with her religious beliefs. It must also be very limiting - you're basically stuck with a cafe type place for your Christmas meal which I think is even more of an issue than no alcohol on the table.

And I say this as a tee totaller

Blimey, how are you getting anyone else to attend a non-alcoholic work meal?!

You are definitely NBU.

If she's so strict she won't go near alcohol why would she go to a Christmas meal? Don't pander to it she can not go.

YAANBU...... I don't drink, but would never want anybody else to not be able to.

Where on earth do you go????

Wow! I have Muslim friends who are quite happy to go to a pub but usually pick the veggie option to eat. Check that there has not been a misunderstanding first but, if this is not the case, YANBU.

Oh come on - this is either a made up story or a misunderstanding! Where on earth would you go ? Even bowling alleys etc have a bar. I'm really struggling to think where you could go ... Church hall

Re: halal, she does only eat halal so it also has to be a halal restaurant.

To be honest it's proving to be a total nightmare to organise. Someone asked if he might be able to have a beer in the restaurant and she made mumblings about "maybe if it's the other end of the table and I can't see it" so he just backtracked and said he wouldn't.

YANBU, I couldn't face a work Christmas do without a drink!

I always had the opposite! I don't drink for religious reasons and I always lost our because of it, employers giving bottles of wine as rewards, spending a fortune on alcohol for everyone else at parties etc. Why not just give everyone a cash bonus instead? It seems not only unfair to those who can't or choose not to drink, but it also positively encouraged drinking during work hours, binging etc.

I know not every company does that, but I really struggle with it. I couldn't care less however if people with me buy their own drinks, it's none of my business.

It's not necessarily going to be our only work Christmas party, it's more of a special meal for our specific sub-team to allow us all to bond, if that makes it a bit clearer. Which might change how you all see it a bit.

I think there's a chance she just won't come to the main Christmas do at all.

I think you are not being entirely unreasonable, however, I think it is a little sad that an alcohol free occasion is so dreadful to you.

Who has decided this? Is it the colleague's own choice or management trying to do the right thing? (In fact it's pretty difficult to find places that don't serve any alcohol at all.)

I work with many Muslim colleagues and staff choose whether or not they buy alcohol at our Christmas meal or attend at all. In the same way at staff training lunches, there is always a halal food section but also sausage rolls and ham sandwiches on a separate tray for others. Everybody chooses what they prefer. I have both

HAve a small gathering in the staff room if possible that all can attend and bring their own suitable food, then a night out at a licensed place of your choosing.

No need to feel "sad" for me, Its, I think I made it clear in my OP that I don't personally drink but find the controlling nature annoying :)

YANBU