Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

I suspect not. Op said 'we have to'. Really? Says who?

Because she "can't" come if we do xyz. So okay we don't "have" to, but she won't come if we don't meet the requirements.

Did she actually say she cant go anywhere that serves alcohol tell her she is welcome to organise it instead if that is what she actually said

Then it's time for you, as a vegan, to say that she is making you uncomfortable, but that as a team there should be something for everyone, so you think as long as there is halal meat, vegan food, alcoholic and non-alcoholics then everyone should just get on with it.

Who decided this, I mean within your organisation?
I might be wrong but I thought Sikhs weren't allowed to eat halal so what would they do?

If non-attendance at the meal would be viewed negatively by management then yabu. If it's completely optional then yanbu.

I temped for a while in a social work department where they were all trying to be so achingly hip and PC. They spent more time navel gazing about whether something was inclusive than actually doing any work (which was probably why I was there to do the admin, filing and answer the phone).

They had a Muslim lady working for the department and she was the same. All lunches and nights out had to not only be at a dry restaurant, it had to be somewhere which sold exclusively halal food. Limits choices somewhat. But they had to show how right on and lentil-knitting they all were so sucked it up and trotted off to the one and only curry house which met her criteria. Tough if you didn't like Bangladeshi food.

Most of my friends who don't drink, eat meat or avoid other foods are happy to be around people who are eating them or drinking wine as long as there is plenty of choice for them too.

Just read this out to my friend at work, who is Muslim. She laughed and said "yeahhhhh, she's taking the piss on purpose because she doesn't like them - nobody is that strict!" Are you sure she isn't winding you up?

Let me guess she's at the heart of the difficult atmosphere your workplace is experiencing ? And nobody's got the balls to point this out because she claims it's because she's Moslem that everyone's 'ganging up' on her?

In which case it's nothing to do with her faith but her personality and control issues - she's the problem?

What the actual f...

Wouldn't be surprised if people in the office started bringing in bacon sarnies or leaving bottles of alcohol in the fridge (for use after work ofc).

A Muslim came to our works Christmas dinner last year (in a pub restaurant) and he drank coke and had a vegetarian meal. He didn't have any problems with it at all - and he joined in with the Secret Santa and gave us all Christmas cards too.

Just read this out to my friend at work, who is Muslim. She laughed and said "yeahhhhh, she's taking the piss on purpose because she doesn't like them - nobody is that strict!" Are you sure she isn't winding you up?

She is really strict. She describes herself as "a good muslim girl", turned down a houseshare because she can't share with a man and is generally quite forthright in her views.

Oh cross post
I feel like she is being discriminatory but when I think about legally, maybe not
We have a couple of staff who don't come to the Xmas do because they do t believe in it but they never make us feel bad eg insist on. a non Xmas meal or something.

Only if they are total wankers, libprog, which they probably aren't

I think there's a difference between sharing a flat with a man and seeing someone drinking beer!

If you offer choice of venue to everyone in office, then you go to where majority of people choose....and if she doesn't like that , then that's her prerogative!....

I've had to organise events like this. A couple of our colleagues were Muslim and weren't comfortable going to a place that served alcohol, even if it was for food and no one at the table would be drinking. It was always really tricking finding somewhere because actually very few places open after work wouldn't serve alcohol. It used to be easier to organise coffee and cake for most things and then if someone was leaving they would invite people for drinks or it would happen informally. It was really tricky finding a suitable place.

I think it is a little sad that an alcohol free occasion is so dreadful to you.

How patronising. As OP has said, it's not about alcohol it's about one person dictating what others should and shouldn't do in her presence - which is completely ridiculous.

I can't abide pineapple but I do allow others to eat it in my presence .

I'm afraid to me it does sound extremely unlikely. No one can be that deluded/self important. I've worked with an awful lot of muslim people and never witnessed anything like this behaviour.

You can just overrule her, I would. And also ask her to stop with the endless conversations about halal meat.

I'd be tempted to see the religious issue as a red herring (albeit a really convenient one for someone who wants to be controlling as people will want to be inclusive). It could equally be that she's a super-fussy eater and claims that she can't bear any one else eating anything but chips when they're with her.

I say this because my sister converted to Islam and seriously and genuinely would see it as an opportunity to control what everyone else does and make an event revolve around her. She tried to impose a no pork and no alcohol rule in my house the only time she has ever been invited over on Boxing Day. We refused to pander to her (and provided vegetarian and non-alcoholic alternatives like sensible hosts) but she still sulked and tried to make it all about her. We've not invited her back to our house at all since because of it all.

I really can imagine her being a completely unreasonable nightmare to people at work just trying to organise a meal out.

I believe the story; there were a couple of people at my previous place of work that felt like this. However, they chose not to attend the Xmas do.

Hey it's tricky isn't it. I'm always one for making everyone feel included, and as I'm usually in the minority when it comes to picking food options I know it can be a bit disheartening if you're not catered for.

But at the same time, I strongly feel that what you put in your own mouth is as far as your influence should go, and no one should dictate to anyone else.

Bibbity: I really don't think it's about Muslim people at all. There really are some people (of all faiths and none) that are just that self-centred and obnoxious. My sister is one (and she was just as bad before she was a Muslim - she just used different tactics to be attention-seeking and controlling).

Fenella yea my Moslem mates from uni would likely say the same! They're less strict than my cousin though.