Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

'Thank you again for all the suggestions about a tea room, I have also cancelled the cheque and asked my babysitter about the calpol.'
Has someone accused you of starting other suspected troll threads OP? Can't find evidence of that, or is this an admission of Trolling?

I've had umpteen jobs over the last 35 years and we've always compromised and got along brilliantly, no drama.

Muslim colleagues have always joined in, having veggy meals and soft drinks.

At current job, for example, we are considerate to colleagues respecting Ramaddan - reduced workload and no social events scheduled. They return the consideration at other times.

My suggestions:

• Ideally, the team-building event should be in a room at work, in work time.
  It absolutely must be inclusive

• If it must be outside work, then make it a decent teashop or Costa etc - no booze on the premises. Have toasted sarnies, cake, fancy lattes.
  It may not be halal, but you and the Muslim colleague can stick to veggy options, while anyone else can enjoy ham / bacon sarnies.

• If it must be evening, then choose a goof quality restaurant with bothveggy and carnivorous options.
  However:
  . Everyone pays for themselves individually
  . Noone gets tipsy, maybe agree a 2-drink limit. You can go somewhere else later to tank up.
  . If she's worried about safety, an assigned person or two can walk her to / from her car. Or give a lift if she doesn't drive.

• Keep Christmas do as a separate occasion and go somewhere agreed by the majority, with plenty of options for soft drinks, veggy & vegan meals, but not halal.
  So, a "normal" British Christmas meal, to which she is of course invited, but will have to fit in with the majority.

Sweetpea, it means that many posters are repeating the same advice.

Silly me! Thanks paintroller.

I think this young girl is probably on her first job, and is going to need a lesson in workplace etiquette. You don't walk in to your first job and start demanding everyone caters to your whims. You fit in and get along.

In one of my previous jobs, we had a girl like this, except it was veganism. Eighteen years old and in her first job. She would get 'distressed' at seeing meat and tried to get the whole workplace to be vegan and ban any animal products. She would look in the fridge and take out lunches that contained meat and go and have a go at the owner. She wanted to ban any eating in the office unless it was vegan food. She put animal cruelty posters all over the kitchen and noticeboards, and sent out emails. If you were eating in the office she'd have a go at you 'how many little animals died for you today?'. Any meals out were only supposed to be at vegan restaurants (this was never catered to). She was warned about her behaviour several times. The end of it was when she went to several trays of sandwiches that were ready for a meeting and threw out all the meat ones. She lost her job over that.

MidniteScribbler that's hardly the same is it? The vegan was actively forcing her beliefs on people and throwing out food she didn't approve of. The OP's colleague isn't demanding that people don't drink, she's just saying that she can't be around alcohol.

The OP said that she thinks her colleague will simply not go to the actual Christmas party - she's not kicking up a fuss over it. She knows it won't be suitable for her, so won't go.

The meal seems to be different as it hasn't already been booked. If it had already been booked, and for an unsuitable venue for her, she could simply say "I'm not able to come", but that isn't what has happened. She's been asked what restrictions she has, and has explained.

Quite a few people in this thread have said they have Muslim colleagues with the same restrictions; do they all need a lesson in etiquette?

Seen the suggestions for 'cream teas' as an alternative.

What a load of bollocks.

I work with a young Muslim lady. She does not drink alcohol but is happy to go to a chain restaurant for a team party/exercise. She just laughs when we get the wine in.

When in Rome.........

I would not bow down to her.

Personally I would organise a pub crawl. Barnsley, the Bigg Market in Newcastle...You get my drift on possible destinations.

Fuck her.

OMG Midnight-, good I hope that she learned a lesson from it. My dd carer is Vegan, and has been for years, she cooks meat, and touches meat for her family, but she does not eat it, and never imposes her beliefs on other people. As it should be!

Personally I would organise a pub crawl. Barnsley, the Bigg Market in Newcastle...You get my drift on possible destinations.

Fuck her

I think she'd happily bow out of a pub crawl. Why did you pick those locations thecook? Because they're predominantly white areas? What a nasty mind you have.

All these people saying "well I worked with a Muslim who didn't drink but didn't mind other people drinking" - that isn't really relevant, is it? Because this girl doesn't think like that.

As PP have said, if it was the big works Christmas do then she'd have to sit it out. But because it's a get-together exprressly to build team cohesion then just find somewhere that accommodates everyone. Where nobody will be upset. It won't be the greatest few hours you've ever spent, but it will be the nice thing to do.

This is not exactly comparable, but everyone I went to university with smoked weed. I didn't. I absolutely loathed being in that environment, not because I'm anti-drugs or because my friends were behaving badly but just because it made me uncomfortable to be around people who were all smoking it when I wasn't. I felt excluded and that the atmosphere was different somehow. Whether this girl is obnoxious or not - and from your posts OP I'm not sure one way or the other - she has an idea in her head of what alcohol environments are like, and she doesn't want to go. So my advice would be to just suck it up and find another venue.

You really can't change to please everyone. Youd end up doing nothing at all and pissing everyone off.

She must realise that she is a minority in her interpretation. She needs to learn to also be flexible and not expect everyone to accommodate her.

As PP have said, if it was the big works Christmas do then she'd have to sit it out. But because it's a get-together exprressly to build team cohesion then just find somewhere that accommodates everyone.

it really doesn't build team cohesion though if you piss everyone off to accommodate one person, does it? People have to be reasonable, and if the only place you can eat is a halal place, you are being unreasonable. For one thing, many meat eaters object to halal meat on account it is more cruel.

I can just about get it if it was the Big Boss calling the shots, but one (I assume) fairly new and junior member of staff? No, get over yourself, love, that's not how the world works...

Ahickiefromkinickie

No love. I suggested those areas because they are known to have lots of pubs in close proximity and are known for pub crawls.

Racism? Typical mumsnet response. Middle class liberals who trundle the same shit out when somebody dares to state a view.

To be honest, I dont think Barnsley is well known nationally for pub-crawls, and I had to Google that place in Newcastle to try and understand what you were talking about.

I still don't get why people think the OPs colleague is trying to get people to 'bow down'. She's not causing a fuss about the main Christmas party or saying it should be changed to accommodate her, she just isn't going. In the case of the meal, she has simply been asked where she can or can't go, and has answered. She doesn't seem to be purposely being difficult and maybe she feels awkward about the whole thing too. She probably didn't expect that going to bars/restaurants was going to be a compulsory part of her job.

I don't think it has helped the thread that the OP titled it
"We are NEVER allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol", which changed in the OP to "we're not allowed to have alcohol at our Christmas party", which changed to " actually it's a team building meal and we haven't been told we can't go anywhere that serves alcohol, but my colleague says she wouldn't be able to go somewhere that did"

The woman needs to understand that your office Christmas party is not all about her. I think it's great if you guys do things outside the office periodically and rotate through what kind of places you go tohalal one time, vegetarian another, kosher still another, and plain ol' non-anything restaurants in betweenbut she is not entitled to dictate what all the other adults get to do and drink.

All these suggestions for physical activities such as rock climbing, laserquest, bowling, etc, are no good if the team has someone with a physical disability who would find it difficult to join in. Wouldn't appeal to me much, either

There are other options, as someone else said painting mugs. I have a number of health issues including a physical disability so I could not do rock climbing or laser quest, I can't bowl but do like to go with others and socialise at the bowling alley.

They were just suggestions.

I don't drink or buy alcohol and I don't go to pubs where the sole purpose is drinking. Not sure if you mean all pubs are just there for drinking, that isn't true. There are some pubs that are dry.

Wetherspoons open for breakfast and it is not uncommon for people to go to a pub for coffee.

The main reason i think YANBU is because I have rattled through my brain and cannot think of a single nice restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol!

Okay if you guys didn't drink in her presence as a sign of respect that's fair enough, why can't you go somewhere that does serve and just not order any?

Otherwise I think Maccy d's it is! (In U.K. Obviously, as they serve beer is most other countries)

Also sorry I haven't RTFT

Sashh that's a good idea to go elsewhere and not to a restaurant however you will face the same issue in a lot of places.

Bowling will have a bar selling booze, so will most other evening activities like crazy golf etc.

I think it's a really hard situation, to be honest I would be tempted to offer to do it at my house and cook a meal for everyone (or get a takeaway) and make sure there's no booze in the house

Why let religion get in the way of a good Christmas bash!

So she doesn't drink because she's Muslim yet is attending a CHRISTMAS bash? She's taking the lot of you for fucking mugs and is using the fact that people are afraid to offend to manipulate them

Yanbu op, we've been dealing with a similar issue.

My dd attends a residential SN school, one of her friends is from a strict, Muslim family. The food thing etc isn't an issue but going out has become one. The poor girl became hysterical in pizza express when she spotted there was a bar, it's dds 18th birthday soon. We aren't doing much just going out for tea, dd wanted her there but as we're going to a pub she can't go. It's really sad, I've looked into alternatives but the only other place is somewhere that does afternoon tea at £20 a head which I can't afford.

So dd will have a separate party with her friends in school instead.

And for all those banging on about Tesco etc if you're from a community which is more set up for.your needs, religious or otherwise chances are you wouldn't ever set foot in one ! That said I don't think everyone should change their plans to accommodate one person, everyone has different needs, no one would go anywhere if we chopped and changed to.suit each one all the time.

So she doesn't drink because she's Muslim yet is attending a CHRISTMAS bash? She's taking the lot of you for fucking mugs and is using the fact that people are afraid to offend to manipulate them

Gosh, nobody's said anything like this so far on the thread, have they?

I got halfway through the thread then skipped to the OP's posts. Have you made a decision now? Are you going with the tea and cake at the office option? I'd like to know how you solved this problem.