Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

No you are definitely not BU! Quite frankly,I think SHE is being the unreasonable one. No one is forcing her to drink alcohol,any more than you would be expected to eat meat,just because the restaurant serves it! It does occur to me that some people use their religious rules to try to dictate to others. It's give and take and to force one person's preferences on a lot of other people does strike me as being,at best,selfish,and at the worst,rude.

Am muslim and the other muslims in my office have decreed to have a christmas party in a place where there is no alcohol around. I dont drink but dont care if others do. Therefore there are now 2 parties, one where there will be alcohol and one where there wont be.

Honestly, i think to prove a point you should bring up the fact tht you're vegan and "not comfortable" going where meat is served or going to be on your table, just to see if people are as understanding, or act like you're being ridiculous. My guess is the latter, at which point you should ask how does it really differ to her aversion to alcohol? It's political correctness on steroids to restrict an entire group to where they go and what they can have because of one girl is muslim, but you're celebrating Christmas when her religion doesn't. Surely its more fair for her not to go to go to a Christmas party than expect everyone there to do things the muslim way?

I'd compromise by going to a byob unlicensed curry place (there are loads around here, run by Muslim owners and staff) but if it's an evening thing I'd not stop others byob-ing, she can look away.

I've worked in teams with Muslims in plenty of times and we've always gone to bars and had alcohol with meals.
Islam prohibits drinking alcohol as far as I know, not being in its presence!!

Stop letting her be the boss! Why are you all being such door mats?

Arrange the meal wherever you want, and if she doesn't want to come because their is a bar, that's her decision.

She sounds completely uptight and a total nightmare.

Why you are pandering to this, is a complete mystery to me.

Someone asked if he might be able to have a beer in the restaurant and she made mumblings about "maybe if it's the other end of the table and I can't see it"
What will happen if she sees alcohol?
She sounds a joy.

To answer the question, no yanbu. The majority shouldn't have to pander the the minority.

Are you absolutely sure about this op? It just seems so utterly unlikely.

Husky we've had some differences within the team, so the point of the meal is for us to have fun outside work and get to know each other a bit. If she's not there it will just widen that chasm and everyone will feel guilty about it.

Stop letting her be the boss! Why are you all being such door mats?

and this.
State you are going to be having alcohol. She is welcome to join you. If she doesn't, then that's her call.
Stop pandering.

Just another thought. Muslims don't celebrate Christmas,so why is she partaking of a Christmas meal anyway? If she is so worried about contravening the rules of her religion regarding drink,why does the Christmas aspect not bother her?

I used to organise the Christmas meal each year, two of my colleagues were Muslim, they went with the majority choice. We used to pick a restaurant that had a good choice of vegetarian meals for them and they drank coke etc. Was never a problem, we've had Chinese, Turkish, Indian, Thai. I always made sure that they were catered for appropriately.

She's being ridiculous! If she were that strict she wouldn't be attending a CHRISTMAS celebration. She doesn't HAVE to go!

She doesn't have the right to enforce HER religious/moral views on others any more than anyone has the right to enforce theirs on her! Are you forcing HER to drink no! There's not even a 'passive drinking' issue the alcohol won't enter her body even if the person right next to her is drinking.

As for insisting on somewhere halal - how do the vegetarians/Jewish members of your office feel about that?!

I have a Moslem cousin (converted for marriage) and she is quite strict but would never impose her beliefs on others like this!

Are you absolutely sure about this op? It just seems so utterly unlikely.

It's not exactly fantastical is it? But I guess every thread attracts the troll police nowadays.

One person can't control all of you, it's just not fair, why is she so entitled? She can go somewhere that serves alcohol and drink something else or choose not to go.

Don't pander to this nonsense. Pick a place with veggie options and a decent range of soft drinks, and present it as a fait accompli.

As for insisting on somewhere halal - how do the vegetarians/Jewish members of your office feel about that?!

I feel very uncomfortable with it to be honest. Every time she brings up halal I force myself to keep my mouth shut about how I feel about it from a vegan PoV.

What does she do when she does the food shop? Cover her eyes as she passes the booze isles?

Am muslim and the other muslims in my office have decreed to have a christmas party in a place where there is no alcohol around. I dont drink but dont care if others do. Therefore there are now 2 parties, one where there will be alcohol and one where there wont be.

So much for integration.

OP could you refuse to go anywhere that served animal products?

Well she won't be going to any Christmas meal as Muslims don't celebrate Christmas so at least you can drink at that one.
But she's being totally unreasonable calling all the shots at this meal - you're not forcing her to eat meat or drink alcohol ffs. There's not going to be much bonding going on - just lots of hostile looks as you eat your lettuce and drink your water.

Do you work with my sister? It sounds like exactly the kind of controlling, irritating and super-attention-seeking thing she would do. She'd relish the chance to make everyone conform to her whims, however unreasonable.

Again, who has made this rule? I don't think it's the Muslim colleague herself.

It feels more like either someone's trying to be extra thoughtful to accommodate her OR someone's trying to be provocative by making her seem so inflexible.

Who is deciding this? Has HR said "the meal has to be at an xxx restaurant because".
I suspect not. Op said 'we have to'. Really? Says who?

Again, who has made this rule? I don't think it's the Muslim colleague herself.

It feels more like either someone's trying to be extra thoughtful to accommodate her OR someone's trying to be provocative by making her seem so inflexible.

We discussed it, e.g. "where would people like to go, what food do we like?"

Girl: It has to be halal obviously, and I can't go anywhere that serves alcohol.

Me: I'd like to have something I can eat, but there's usually something on the menu.

Then the ensuing discussion about "would it be OK to have beer on the table?" "what about a gastro pub type place if we only sit in the restaurant?"