Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

Oh WOW! Is it time for the annual "We can't have a Christmas work do in a pub, due to a Muslim colleague" already?

Fuck me. I'd better get me sprouts on now.

Oh and YABU.

I've grown up in a predominantly Muslim area and still live in one now.

If anything, most Muslims would be mortified if they thought anyone was changing their plans or putting themselves out due to their religious beliefs.

I don't go to my work Christmas do because the teachers always choose somewhere way out of my TA price range. Should I shout discrimination?

I don't care. I'm going out with the dinner staff and it'll probably get a bit 'messy'.

It would be nice if people read the thread before jumping on me as a troll. I may have namechanged recently but I've been here a while.

Honestly, if you already have issues in the team and religion is being thrown into the mix and not helping with planning 'bonding' I think you need to tread very carefully. I would be inclined to go to HR and get some proper guidance as to which lines are where in terms of what is/isn't acceptable, what could be seen as discrimination and what is employees being difficult.

I've worked in incredibly diverse teams (think small group of less than 10 - we ticked every diversity box imaginable in terms of race, religion, sexuality etc) and had no issues organising team meals etc and another not quite as diverse group (but equally a very small team) that had huge issues performing as a cohesive team in the office. In the latter case, the work issues overspilled eventually into a horrific set of grievances and accusations including racism and the team never recovered.

To be fair though it might not be her fault.
I have worked with youngish Muslim girls who's families wouldn't let them go anywhere that served alcohol.
I still wouldn't pander to it though

I would ask her to explain why she can't be in the presence of alcohol on the basis that you thought they only couldn't have it themselves and would like to learn more rather than being critical?

As a vegan, halal meat isn't slaughtered in an animal rights friendly way, they never stun the animals. Kick up a mighty fuss how you can't possibly go to a halal restaurant because its against your beliefs how they put religion above animal welfare. I'd love to see them try to deal with that, and who out of the two of you they'd prioritise. Seriously though, it's christmas meal and she's muslim, why is she going anyway? Sense of entitlement to go to (and ruin) everything for everyone else?

If anything, most Muslims would be mortified if they thought anyone was changing their plans or putting themselves out due to their religious beliefs.

And some obviously wouldn't. Which is what this is about. But thanks for totally disregarding my experience because you want to claim "troll".

Ask if you can speak to her imam about whether it is really the case that she's not allowed to be in the same room as alcohol. Or maybe contact the Muslim Council of Britain? I'm fairly surely they'll say no, the only prohibition is on actually drinking alcohol.

I have worked with youngish Muslim girls who's families wouldn't let them go anywhere that served alcohol.

That could be it, she is very young. I have worked with other young people who have been raised in different, strict environments and they often have strong views on how people should/shouldn't live their lives.

Tbh, I'd go with the dry restaurant and then all go and get hammered somewhere else.

Rock thanks for the wise advice, that's very sensible. I may well take that approach.

I feel like as I've started this I should be the one to say it: this thread is not a muslim-bashing thread and I think comments about "leaving bacon around" and stuff are pretty distasteful, it would be good if people could maybe refrain from saying that kind of thing.

I would probably pitch it as the following:

there'll be two parts to the evening, you can put you name down for 1 or both parts, everyone welcome.
Halal dry meal to start (times), or for those who don't want the expense of the meal you can join us after for drinks in X bar (times)

Everyone catered for. People will still whinge, I wouldn't care, I'ld just reply "you're welcome to the whole evening but you're free to just pick the parts your more comfortable with if you like"

I am afraid one person cannot dictate. If you are all paying, then you decide. If the company is paying, there needs to be compromise. Usually a Muslim colleague would eat the vegetarian option and not have alcohol. They are happy for others to drink but don't have anything to do with it. They have never complained about a bar. I have never been dictated to like this by Muslim colleagues. Some of this needs challenging and if they decide not to come, and reasonable compromises have been offered, that is their choice.

Really? She is a super strict Good Muslim Girl who is so observant that she can't be in the same room as alcohol but can somehow manage to work and live away from her family?
Presumably you don't work in an all female, no men allowed building?

This all seems very odd to me. I have worked with colleagues of different faiths and backgrounds all my life and have never met a muslim who refuses to be flexible about things like this.
In my last work place we wouldn't chose a pub because that would exclude some people but we never had issues with eating out.
Even if it wasn't halal because they would chose the vegetarian option.
This is like those threads where people claim they have been screamed at for eating in front of a Muslim.

Your colleague sounds like she likes to be in control and is using her religion because she knows no one has the guts to call her out.

As a vegan, halal meat isn't slaughtered in an animal rights friendly way, they never stun the animals.

Firstly, that's not strictly true

Secondly, a vegan wouldn't be eating the meat options anyway??

As GRinchyMcGrincherson says if she is that strict a muslim then how is she justifying a christmas meal? There has GOT to be a misunderstanding. Although is a shame to exclude anyone or make anyone feel unwelcome.

I also don't drink (not religious reasons) > What consistently bothers me in these situations is that everyone is budgeted for drinks but the same for food. So I kind of feel like... either I should get more for my food (as the budget is quite stingy) or should get the money I didnt spend on booze back? Work socials are never fair imo.

OP is the work do on work time? I ask because if it's compulsory then I woukd speak ti someone more senior about arranging an inclusive thing, maybe just have tea and mince pies at work. On a personal level, outside work, do as you please.

My colleagues weren't in any way stroppy about it by the way - people were free to go to the pub after work, they just wouldn't go like a bunch of other people who just wanted to go home.

I don't think they would have minded not being able to go to some things, but when an event is organised officially we couldn't have excluded them every time.

I'm vegetarian but never bothered trying to find anywhere with a good menu because I just wanted to get it sorted and booked. I'm glad I don't have to organise the Christmas party anymore!

No animals are slaughtered in a vegan - friendly way

I have worked with youngish Muslim girls who's families wouldn't let them go anywhere that served alcohol.

Give a shit. If she is old enoughto be working, she is old enough to make her own choices.

If she chooses not to drink, fine. If she chooses not t ogo to the christmas party, fine.

What is not fine is making the Christmas party super hard to organise nad an event that won't please the majority.

This happened at an consultancy firm I worked at.
We ended up having an in house canapé do, where in previous years we went to Jamie's 15, zetter, a fancy place near Liverpool st.
And then a dodgy buffet in the office. Because of the no drinking policy.
She was only an admin assistant too (rather than a director who could make the decisions)
Anyway, we didn't stay long, then legged it to the pub (where the boss set up a tab)

Some of the comments on here are shocking.