Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

So she doesn't drink because she's Muslim yet is attending a CHRISTMAS bash? She's taking the lot of you for fucking mugs and is using the fact that people are afraid to offend to manipulate them

facebookrecruit I would wager that the majority of workers going to any Christmas party are not practising Christian or Catholic. It's considered more of a social and cultural event these days for most people. Do you go to Church for midnight mass? Do you celebrate the birth of the lord and saviour Jesus Christ? I don't, but I still go to Christmas parties and have Christmas day with my family who are the same as me. I consider myself Christian but I don't actively practice. Am I mugging my colleagues off too?

I would just book the venue that most people want. It is then up to her if she wants to attend or not. She can't go through life expecting the majority to pander to one person's personal beliefs. How dare she expect everyone else work around her. Should be the other way around.

What a long thread! Somewhere way upthread a poster mentioned that Muslims who adhere to the command of not having anything to do with alcohol must be 'salafis'. I felt I needed to say that this is extremely inaccurate. I am very anti the salafi movement but am very strict in my personal practise and won't sit with people drinking. I have no desire for this to impact upon others, so I bow out of such work events.

I have no desire for this to impact upon others, so I bow out of such work events

Exactly.

IDreamofPeace, facebookrecruit does have a point. Someone who is adamant on strictly practising their religion WOULD go out of their way to avoid any activities relating to other religions and their festivals.

My mum is a JW, she will not attend any Christmas/birthday parties. If she comes to our house over the Christmas period to visit she will not join in with anything Christmas related - she leaves the room while people open presents, won't pull a cracker during lunch, etc.

She also would never set foot in a church/mosque/synagogue as she feels it is offensive to "her" god. I'm not saying she's right (it's caused all kinds of family rows over the years), but that is what she feels she has to do to observe her faith.

I'm in Mumsnet world too much.

I recently asked a relative of she would take a bottle of booze in her case when visiting some other relative abroad.

She said she wasn't sure... so I immediately thought oh I've offended her because she's Muslim, got all embarrassed, felt like I'd asked her to be a drugs mule... turned out she was only bothered about her case being so rammed there might not be room and she was trying to work out what she could leave behind to take the bottle.

Muslim woman, believer, incredibly well educated and knowledgeable, lives in theocracy, does her pilgrimages... doesn't make a bloody song and dance about her beliefs.

Just saying...

Jesus was a prophet of Islam too, so they claim.

CongresswomanCaveMum That's a good point! I didn't think of it from that perspective. Still, facebookrecruit could have worded their point a little less aggressively as that's what I picked up on first and triggered me to try and balance out the argument.

Religion is fascinating but it can be such a minefield when you try to discuss things

If it's a work event during working hours where people are obliged to attend as part of their work then IMO it's inappropriate to be drinking and you can find other options.

If it's an optional event, outside work hours then ask everyone for suggestions and put it to the vote accepting that not everyone will come.

Why not have a compromise?

Let's face it you'll be hard pushed to find a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol at all. Why not avoid pubs but go to a non pub type restaurant like Frankie and Bennies, Pizza express, Nando's.

So simply make sure it's not a boozy meal and make sure there are a few nice vegetarian options.

I work for an organisation where half of the workforce are Muslim and I've got to say I've never come across anything like this.

If you're veggie it's not fair to expect everyone to go to a vegetarian restaurant, but it would be fair for others to accommodate you by choosing somewhere with decent veggie options.

I would only go to a work do if there WAS booze there.

If you're veggie it's not fair to expect everyone to go to a vegetarian restaurant, but it would be fair for others to accommodate you by choosing somewhere with decent veggie options.

that's all I expect as a vegetarian. I'd not like to go to a steak house, but as long as there is a good veggie option, i am fine.

There is something weird about culture today with people expecting never to be offended. I was vegetarian in the 80s and I am sure I get quickly put in my place then if insisted everyone eat vegetarian, and that has stuck with me.

Utter nonsense, what a hypocrite that person is anyway, saying she is such a devout Muslim but attending a Christmas party. You should pick somewhere that appeals to the MAJORITY of your group, and it that is offensive to one member then they are free to opt out. Why's everyone tiptoeing around just one person?

What if a group of people wanted to go out & most were recovering alcoholics but one person was not an alcoholic and wanted to go somewhere that sold alcohol - would the individual's wishes trump everyone else's? No. I didn't think so.

I would only go to a work do if there WAS booze there

But this isn't the Christmas party; they are having a separate Xmas party that the OP says her colleague will probably just not attend. This is a separate, 'team building' lunch. Presumably you get through most days at work without drinking at lunch time?

I thought of this thread yesterday. I'm trying to organise a night out for our team - it's not the big official night out as it's just for our particular bit so around 15 colleagues.

I'd thought about arranging it at the casino as they have good food and offer a very reasonably priced package, but as some of our colleagues are from India and I'm not sure of their religious restrictions, I was unsure if there would be any issue with the location and also whilst they serve vegetarian food I wouldn't think it was a halal restaurant.

I checked with a colleague also originally from India and his response was so funny - "Just hold it there and they will come or they will not. Oh my god, you British people spend so much time worrying about not offending everyone, it's amazing you ever manage to go anywhere".

So that was me told - and do you know when I thought about it, maybe he was right.

but nice that we British are so considerate!