To ask if you are as socially awkward as me...

[WankingMonkey]

And for some stories?

A couple of days back I just met my cousins partner for the first time. All is going well and she says she likes my top and asks where I got it. My answer?

'Oh I have had it on for two days as I am such a scruff round the house'

She just kind of looked weirdly at me and went 'riiiiight' and walked out of the room .

Seriously wtf inspires me to say shit like that? Its not the first time and probably won't be the last either. So socially awkward. I expect I am not alone, whats your worst?

Staying with in laws and we all set off for a walk across fields with warnings about the rather prickly neighbouring farmer. Of course we come across him and I randomly cry 'get off my land'

I do stuff like this all the time so dont worry, the one that sticks out in my mind is when i was at school and somebody complimented my bag, instead of saying thanks i launched into a story that had happened a few days before about travelling long distance with my brother and he got car sick, so ended up throwing up in my bag.

her face at the end made me realise what id said so I added, "But its ok we just washed it when we got home." Think the bag only cost a fiver... why I wouldn't just throw it out or say thanks for the compliment I dont know.

There have been plenty more but thats the one thats comes back to haunt me just as everything is going ok with my life

'Negotiating' pay for a nanny job abroad- they say:

'we'll pay you €700 a week'

Me: God that's too much! Just pay me €500, that's fine.

WHY the actually feck would I do myself out €200 euro a week

I think there's something inherently British which sends us a bit loopy when complimented.

If people say... oh that's a nice top, I'll normally say.... is it? It's ancient/got it from a charity shop/found it in a skip. I can never just say.. Oh thanks!

I do stuff like this all the time so dont worry, the one that sticks out in my mind is when i was at school and somebody complimented my bag, instead of saying thanks i launched into a story that had happened a few days before about travelling long distance with my brother and he got car sick, so ended up throwing up in my bag. Definitely sounds like me

I do something similar.
Not all the time , but enough to think "shut up"to myself.
I seem to think l need to entertain people if they ask me a question. Almost as if l feel they need to get their monies worth!
I blame the fact l have a drama/ audition type background!

**Madhatter did you get the job for €500 or €700 in the end?!

They paid me €550 in the end and thanked me for not being too demanding! I think they'd have been more than happy to pay the €700 and probably thought I'd ask for more, they weren't short of a bob or two.

Their kids were absolute horrors, I should have kept my mouth shut over the original offer

Someone at a wedding recently complimented a dress I was wearing. I said 'thanks look it's got pockets stitched in I don't even need a handbag!

And proceeded to shove my hands in said pockets and do a half-twirl like a bloody five year old. She quickly went and chatted to someone else

At my life at recent smear test...

Nurse: just lie yourself in there and put your heels together and drop your knees to the side.

Me: Sexy times...

Fucking "sexy times" - what was I thinking?

*at my most recent...

Sexy times

I'm sorry think but that is hilarious. I do it all the time and think what the actual fuck did I say

I was doing some business stuff with a mother of a child in my daughter's class. She told me our children's teacher had also been her primary one teacher. Instead of saying "oh really, isn't that a coincidence" or some such waffle I bang straight in with "God, you don't look that old"!! I am very not good at conversation.

So glad this is not just me, I've always wondered what was wrong with me, it's a mortifying condition to have

Sexy times!!

Mine aren't really funny, I usually just say nothing and people think I'm really rude, then spend the whole day worrying that they'all think I'm rude.. my awkwardness is more feeling sick when I'm near more than two people, was waiting to go into a meeting the other day and there was about 10 other people waiting close to me, I had to leave cause I felt everybody was staring at me for some reason, nobody probably even noticed me 🙈

I used to work backstage in the west end. We had a new show starting, and one of the stars was a moderately we'll know US actor, best known for playing a rather fastidious, fussy character in a long running sitcom.

He was being absolutely charming, going around introducing himself to everyone and making sure he learned their names and what they did (which is more than many actors ever bothered to do). When he came over to me he shook my hand and we exchange names, then I looked in horror at my hand and said 'I've just unblocked a drain'. He went rather wide eyed, while I struggled to explain that I had been wearing rubber gloves so in theory my hand was clean. But ffs, why did I say that!

sexy times

I say awful things out of nervousness and social awkwardness. Totally out of character stuff, too.

My senior senior manager (one of the executive directors) popped her head in to my office last week and was hanging about making chitchat with a few of us as she waited for our my line manager to come out for a meeting they were going off to. She told me she'd been to the gym at a and I blurted out 'God, you make me sick'. Why???? .

I seem to turn into a sort of female, cockney version of Hugh Grant in 4W&AF...bumbling along trying to explain myself and inadvertently offending the hole room. Ouch.

*gone to the gym at 6am

fail

Sexy times!

I love these threads

Howling at "sexy times" omg

Honestly, every conversation ever is awkward for me. I'm never offensive or depressing and everyone seems to laugh at me but its excruciating when I walk away and I HATE myself! I could pick at least 10 separate examples of my social awkwardness, luckily most people find it endearing

I could pick at least 10 separate examples from today of my social awkwardness**

Sometimes I think something might be funny (and it is in my head) but then people just don't get the joke and just look at me, I am able to laugh it off though, I usually say 'just me then!'

• "Happy birthday!"
• "Thanks, you too!"

Why???

Also,

• "Hi, how's it going?"
• "Fine thanks, how are you?"
• "I'm good, how are you?"
• "Errr...."