To ask if you are as socially awkward as me...

[WankingMonkey]

And for some stories?

A couple of days back I just met my cousins partner for the first time. All is going well and she says she likes my top and asks where I got it. My answer?

'Oh I have had it on for two days as I am such a scruff round the house'

She just kind of looked weirdly at me and went 'riiiiight' and walked out of the room .

Seriously wtf inspires me to say shit like that? Its not the first time and probably won't be the last either. So socially awkward. I expect I am not alone, whats your worst?

[user1475253854]

This is more naivety than foot-in-mouth, but when I was a young teen I got a voucher or something for a haircut at a fancy salon. I just normally got a basic wet cut as I wasn't into doing anything fancy at that age. So in the fancy place they were just about to start blow drying and said "so how do you want it blow dried" thinking the answer would be "straight/curly". I didn't have a clue so I suggested "with a hairdryer?" The hairdresser almost managed to conceal her smirk...

[Rachel0Greep]

Yellow I love it!

[Catwaving]

Whatsgoingoneh

I'd be thrilled if I met a new neighbour who made a joke like that.....(hardly seem to meet anyone who makes me laugh, or is it just me!)

Thanks Pike, so sorry Alan's a great one!

[Catwaving]

....I think "whiney tinker/tiny wanker" in the doctors waiting room hasn't had nearly enough mentions😀😀😀

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

It made me sing 'Hold me closer Tiny Wanker' to the tune of Elton John's Tiny Dancer.

[Missdread]

Pahah I'm still dying at "sexy times"!!!!

One I've done loads is bumping into someone I know unexpectedly and being unable to decide on whether to say " Hello" or "Hi" and so blurting out the achingly cool (ahem) HIYO!!!
Why??? Proper cringe!

[cockadoodledoooo]

I panic in social situations, insult ppl at 20 paces when I had intended to compliment them! I desperately wish I was someone who could just work the room, or just got small talk!! My head just goes blank and I end up looking like a fucking twat! I embarrass myself constantly!

[FairNotFair]

I excelled myself only today. Off to the local surgery for a smear test. There I am, on the couch; there's the nurse with her instruments of evil and her special bright light. She bends over and, at the crucial moment, it seems a good idea to smile in a slightly deranged manner and wish her a "happy Halloween".

[AutumnSunday]

Sexy times

Went to a party and someone who I'd not seen in years was there.

By coincidence we were both at another party a few weeks later (blame fb) and we were both stood at the bar and the first thing I said was 'I can't remember the last time I saw you' her reply 'erm a few weeks ago .

Why!!

[AutumnSunday]

Just reading some more of this thread.

I am a good boy

And

How are his motions, well he seems a bit sad!

Both had me howling!

[ilovethedog]

My whole life is one big social embarrassment and I panic at most social interactions. My brain just freezes up and I blurt out random crap.

The most recent one which springs to mind:

The (new & very young) postman came to our door to get me to sign for a parcel. DDog was sniffing enthusiastically around his ankles, which must have smelt of previous doggy encounters. In an attempt to channel DDog’s thoughts, I said to the postman in a growly voice “you smell gooood”. I realized this must’ve sounded creepy and weird so I laughed awkwardly while he legged it. Now he just leaves any parcels at the door.

[YerTiz]

At a job interview years ago:

Interviewer: did you get here ok?
Me: yes fine thanks, I live in .
Interviewer: oh you live in ?
Me: Actually no, I live in ...

Awkward. In my defence I used to live in the first one and nerves made the wrong thing come out of my mouth. Plus the people that interviewed me were horrible, so glad I didn't get that one!

[ravenmum]

ilovethedog haha, that sounds like the sort of thing I would come out with :D

[AutumnSunday]

I was laughing out loud at this thread in the early hours. Dp momentarily stopped snoring, didn't wake fully however. I will read him some of these classics out later!

[MintyMint]

Do you guys think it's good to, say, explain that one is socially awkward after saying something embarassing?

Sort of saying, "sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I am just socially awkward"?

Or will that aggravate the situation?

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Well the one time I tried that minty it came out as "I'm really unsociable" and was met with the most awkward silence ever, like I'd basically just said I hated everyone, so I can't really advise

[SatsukiKusakabe]

yellow you are too smoooooth for this thread

[ManorMouse]

It's not so much social awkwardness with me rather than a devil-may-care flippancy/irreverence that I just can't stop myself from coming out with.

A couple of examples.

Only my second week in this particular job and I'm being introduced to the full management team. One woman, on hearing my name, says "Ooh, Joanne on my team has a son called that."

Me: (Hotly) "That doesn't prove anything!"

Another workplace, around Christmas. One of our bosses is going about offering fancy chocolates to all of us.

Me: (Eyeing the box suspiciously) "Which one is the poisoned one then?"

[Cockadoodledooo]

cockadoodledoooo 31/10/2016 22:23

I panic in social situations, insult ppl at 20 paces when I had intended to compliment them! I desperately wish I was someone who could just work the room, or just got small talk!! My head just goes blank and I end up looking like a fucking twat! I embarrass myself constantly!

I was when I read that because I totally didn't remember writing it, then clocked the number of 'o's at the end of the name! You have absolutely described me to a T though which is what stunned me most I think!

[Bowpeep]

At uni doing maths, lecturer asked me a question I typed it in my calculator and said 'zero' very loud and confident, she looked at me like I looked at calculator and I'd forgotten to press equals, que me practically screeching 'OMG I forgot to press equals' hysterically laughing, whole room was quiet as I kept hysterically laughing, and kept bursting into awkward laughter through out the lesson.

[Houseofmirth66]

After a first date in a pub I was asked if I'd like to go for a coffee. I said 'yes, but I have my period.'

[Hairyfairy01]

Running an exercise class for the elderlyI told a man to 'put his balls towards the floor and bounce them up and down'. Don't ask but it really wasn't meant that way.

[normastits5]

sexy times!! And just had proper giggle at trick or treat. I have def found my people. I was invited out in a group for a meal . A guy I don't know very well decided to pay everyone's bill! Instead of thanking him and maybe offering to cover the tip I said loudly " oh you've paid, that was unnecessary " in a clearly accusatory tone. He avoids me ever since