To ask if you are as socially awkward as me...

[WankingMonkey]

And for some stories?

A couple of days back I just met my cousins partner for the first time. All is going well and she says she likes my top and asks where I got it. My answer?

'Oh I have had it on for two days as I am such a scruff round the house'

She just kind of looked weirdly at me and went 'riiiiight' and walked out of the room .

Seriously wtf inspires me to say shit like that? Its not the first time and probably won't be the last either. So socially awkward. I expect I am not alone, whats your worst?

Myown I've done that too!
Once I said 'Happy New' but didn't actually say year

I work in retail. A customer once told me to have a nice day and I replied with 'love you too'

MadHattersWineParty I would have appreciated your pockets! I love pockets in skirts!

I work in retail. A customer once told me to have a nice day and I replied with 'love you too'

I did this a few days back. I had called the bank due to some payments I didn't recognise. Call lasted about 40 minutes or so. I finished with 'bye, love you'

I only really speak to my partner or my mum on the phone

Sexy times! Love that!
An elderly relative of a relative was telling me how he'd survived a stroke, TB and cancer and I said "Just AIDS to go then!" No idea why I thought that was appropriate. I see him a few times a year and cringe every time.

I answered a hi can I help you with, 'no I'm good, just looking'
Only I said 'I'm good looking! Haha I don't mean that I mean I'm fine, I'm just looking. Haha I can't believe I said that!' DD looked utterly stricken, almost tearful as I went on and on.

I am so glad I'm not the only one who does things like this.
I have loads which I will probably remember to add later. But the main one that sticks was walking passed a colleague who I had never really talked to before on the way out of work.
I went to say bye but she just beat me to it and said hi.
So in an effort not to seem rude I stopped saying bye after the b and made an odd E-I noise at her instead which sounded like I was doing a load impression on a creaky door.
She gave me the oddest look and seemed to avoid talking to me for ages.

I was 23 and buying wine in a shop. Shop assistant asks me how old I am? I panic and say "18"...then show my ID which shows I'm 23...he was

"sexy times" has done me in

I work in a coffee shop and had just finished one of the toilet checks and as I was leaving, a waiting customer said 'ooh you've got it lovely and clean for me' I replied with 'thank you, enjoy'

Actually, I said it to a check out person the other week too.

Oh god this is totally me. Every conversation I have not that's not with close family is like this. I just rabbit on and on in my head I'm thinking stfu but my mouth keeps going
I'm job hunting too god help the interviewer if I get any interviews!

I have Aspergers so get nervous in conversation and end up saying ridiculous stuff in an attempt to make people laugh.

"I like your top" is often met with "oh this old thing? Had it years and I hate it!". Then they look at me as if to say "well why are you wearing it then?"

A recent one was someone was asking about slimming world classes which I go to. I said " oh they're awful, you ever seen little britain's fat fighters? It's exactly like that!". To which they replied "oh, think I'll give it a miss then ... " 😩 Sorry slimming world!

I can't handle compliments or advice, I usually just rattle on and see people slowly lose interest (so I carry on trying to draw them back in until they visibly lose the will to live).

My dog loves me though.

Next time I go for a smear I will definitely think sexy times and very probably giggle!

DH says I am Miranda. The other day at the vets I tripped over the scales in the waiting room, loudly went 'ha ha trying to weigh myself!' was all flustered and said 'good girl, I mean boy' to the cat. Everyone clearly thought I was crackers.

I got all flustered and yelled 'trick or treat' when I answered the door to trick or treaters one year.

Arf at 'sexy times'

I'm socially useless. I went to a party (I hate parties) full of people I didn't know (I can't converse with strangers) and the hostess offered me a glass of wine. I'm teetotal. So instead of replying with the perfectly acceptable "no thank you I don't drink" or similar, I felt suddenly hugely embarrassed by my life choices and accepted some wine with all the gusto of a parched alcoholic. Somehow, the hostess felt the need to carry on chatting to me while I stood with this wine in a death grip. I started to sweat slightly and vaguely panic that I didn't know how to drink wine so finally had to drink some of it, grimaced and choked slightly. She finally left me alone and I enjoyed the blissful peace until her dh found me tipping wine into a plant pot.

MadHattersWineParty got a link for that dress? I LOVE pockets in a skirt or dress (and may have modelled them in a similar fashion once or twice

a moderately we'll know US actor, best known for playing a rather fastidious, fussy character in a long running sitcom.

Was it Tony Randall in 'The Odd Couple', Sitting? I used to love that.

Thanks for this thread. Will have this in mind to get me through my numerous cock ups. So many. How about my boss telling me he hadn't refilled the paper in the photo copier and me saying 'yeah, that's the attitude'. Same boss who when he offered me the job I accepted by saying, 'well I haven't heard back from the others so I suppose so'.

Breastfeeding my baby whilst waiting to be called into see the dr. Get called in, I reply ' hold on! Let me just holster the weapons of mass destruction!' Whilst doing up my bra and making pow pow noises.

Ooh, I was guessing Niles from Frasier.

These have made me cackle so much. I've clocked up millions of these over my lifetime. Most recently, I said 'hi, how are you?' to a school run mum I'd just passed the time of day literally 5 minutes before (shed got held up so I said it a second time whilst I was leaving the gate and she was coming in. See, I have to explain this properly in case anyone who actually gives a shit about my anecdote doesn't understand what I'm going on about. I monologue a lot.).

During the Euro football something or other a patient mentioned how many red Welsh football tops were worn by people supporting their team were in the city centre. I said "I don't understand why they do that. My ex husband never sat watching the Tour de France in his cycling jersey and shorts".

I bet you're right, Tam. Didn't think of Niles! Love 'Frasier', too. Just showing my age with Tony Randall!

Dying @ sexy times