Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to wank in a toilet?

202 replies

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:32

We've finally bitten the bullet and are undergoing infertility stuff.

Do has to provide a sperm sample. Which he's fine about.

The problem is we live a long way from the hospital and the sample needs to be nice and fresh. 30 minutes at the longest.

So I've said do should do what most guys do and bash one out in the hospital loo.

He's having none of it. Says its disgusting and we need to stay in a local hotel.

We're totally Saint right now and it would take the place of money set aside to worm and de tick the animals and living in a place with 80% Lymes in ticks this is kind of important.

Am I being insensitive and unreasonable?

Would be much appreciated if females readers could ask their male oh's what they think.

Tia.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 08/10/2016 13:34

I thought they had little cubicles for this use...still a bit sterile but not a loo

peppatax · 08/10/2016 13:35

YANBU about asking him in this situation as it's a medical necessity.

YABU to plead poverty as an excuse - what happens when animals need treatment and children need feeding?

steff13 · 08/10/2016 13:36

Does he have to do it in the restroom at the hospital? Don't they have a room for that sort of thing? The fertility clinics here do. If it's a public restroom, I can understand his objection, but getting a hotel room is OTT, IMO.

Rulerruler · 08/10/2016 13:36

Ask the hospital infertility clinic if they have a room!

ChuckBiscuits · 08/10/2016 13:38

Knowing what we know about your situation, having another child is the worst thing you could do. But crack on as they say.

Costacoffeeplease · 08/10/2016 13:38

How committed is he to the investigations/treatment? Or could he be embarrassed/upset and putting obstacles in the way?

With everything women have to go through, providing a semen sample for analysis is nothing, he needs to grow up a bit

Believeitornot · 08/10/2016 13:39

Does he really want to stay in a hotel and transport it from hotel to hospital....

JuneBalloon · 08/10/2016 13:39

Can't ask DH at the mo out of respect for his F1 addiction....

However, in my opinion, if it matters that much to him, then you kind of need to go with it. Can't see you have much of an option I'm afraid.

Do I think he's being unreasonable? Um, no, not really. I understand the money issue but surely with a few 'going without' here and there you'd be able to afford a cheap £40 Premier Inn?

MyNewBearTotoro · 08/10/2016 13:40

If you are so skint you can't afford £50 for a night in a travellodge/ premier inn how on earth will you afford a baby?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 08/10/2016 13:40

They will surely have a room at the clinic? If it's just a general bathroom that the public use and you want him to use the cubicle then yabu, would you masturbate in a public toilet with randomers weeing behind a bit a plywood? The clinic will be set up for this, otherwise use a more reputable clinic

ImperialBlether · 08/10/2016 13:41

Why are you planning a baby if you don't even have enough money for a cheap hotel? Pre-children, with two adults working, is as good as it gets financially. If you're strapped for cash now, it'll only get worse once you have a child.

fastdaytears · 08/10/2016 13:43

Tick treatment isn't that expensive! You'll need a bit more than £50 contingency money for a baby.

Huppopapa · 08/10/2016 13:44

Hilariously, they do have a room with um... reference materials for the purpose.
Look, no-one is saying he'll like it but a) this is about creating a child so it's hardly important in the scheme of things and b) if he's going to get squeamish about escapes of bodily fluids in a reasonably sterile environment he might like to reflect on whether he really wants a child! Grin
Good luck, and these are for him when he's whacked one out. There you go, mate Flowers

Oysterbabe · 08/10/2016 13:45

My DH said he'd do it the hospital loo. He is incredibly "thrifty" though.

Jizzomelette · 08/10/2016 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:49

Chuck that was uncalled for.

I don't recall asking whether or not I should be allowed to have a child but thanks to those of you that felt the need to put me in my place.

We're skint AT THE MOMENT as we're waiting on payment for a large job dh has finished.

And there are no cheap hotels where I am. I'm in the states in a very rural area and anything cheap would probably be worse than a hospital bog! Grin

I assumed they'd have a special room as it is a little scuzzy expecting people to have a shuffle in a hospital loo but really, after ds's pregnancy, childbirth and all the other intrusive stuff I've put up with (happily before anyone decides to start bitching about that) I think it's a bit much for dh to be whining about his lack of luxury for something that will take a minute (or maybe more in a horrid toilet Grin.)

OP posts:
Sukitakeitoff · 08/10/2016 13:51

tbh I can't imagine any woman agreeing to, er, "self pleasure" in a public toilet. I realise it's a bit different for men but I think you have to respect his wishes on this.

However a hotel does seem ott. I would speak to the hospital about whether there's a room available for "producing the sample".

And previous posters have got a point about your finances.

BennyTheBall · 08/10/2016 13:51

I just asked my dh if he could have a wank in a hospital loo. He said no way.

MrsJayy · 08/10/2016 13:51

If he doesnt want to do it in a toilet and tbf it is really grim then he doesnt have to it is him who needs to do it . It isnt like collecting a urine sample is it he will need to be comfy and it might take time poor bloke

Oldraver · 08/10/2016 13:52

I've realised who the OP is and as she is in the US ? things may be a little different.

Though I think you are off your rocker considering another child with this man

UnGoogleable · 08/10/2016 13:52

Not all clinics have a 'special room'. Our hospital warned us about exactly this issue recently.

I don't blame your DH for not wanting to do it in a toilet... with other people going in and out and possible 'noises'.... so I think you should be sensitive about that.

We were told that it had to be fresh within an hour though, are you less than an hour from home?

You are unreasonable to talk about ticks and deworming in the same paragraph as giving a sperm sample at the clinic though... what a bizarre leap of thinking!!! Grin

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:52

It's not a fertility clinic. The nearest one is 7 hours away and BIG bucks.

I asked if he could go somewhere quiet and do it in the car but that didn't go over so well either!

OP posts:
CheekyMcgee · 08/10/2016 13:52

A fertility clinic will have a side room with porn mags specifically for this. Trust me, i know. And if you are skint, how will you afford all the travel to the clinic for tests, monitoring, egg removal, insertion of the embryo etc? The train or petrol will cost a lot of money.

JellyBelli · 08/10/2016 13:52

YABU, he's not a machine.

Andrewofgg · 08/10/2016 13:52

I could not, simply could not, perform in a toilet in a hospital.

You will have to go with him on this.