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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to wank in a toilet?

202 replies

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:32

We've finally bitten the bullet and are undergoing infertility stuff.

Do has to provide a sperm sample. Which he's fine about.

The problem is we live a long way from the hospital and the sample needs to be nice and fresh. 30 minutes at the longest.

So I've said do should do what most guys do and bash one out in the hospital loo.

He's having none of it. Says its disgusting and we need to stay in a local hotel.

We're totally Saint right now and it would take the place of money set aside to worm and de tick the animals and living in a place with 80% Lymes in ticks this is kind of important.

Am I being insensitive and unreasonable?

Would be much appreciated if females readers could ask their male oh's what they think.

Tia.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 13:52

Fgs that's all he has to do. I've had IVF - more than once. My dh didn't complain and I'd have threatened to chop it off if they did. He did it abroad where we lived at the time. He said it was a little room with dirty magazines to help the process along. 🙄

Allthewaves · 08/10/2016 13:53

I don't think dh would cope with hospital toilet. Pressure of other people coming in or someone waiting outside the door.

I'd phone hospital with the fertility clinic and ask if there is a more private room. Perhaps you might need to help!

AdmiralData · 08/10/2016 13:53

If I was a bloke I would rather do my bit to aid the procreation of my offspring somewhere a little bit more fairytale than an NHS bog but im old fashioned. If it makes the difference then make cutbacks elsewhere to fund one 10 minute 'session' In a cheap hotel.

chinlo · 08/10/2016 13:53

I'm pretty sure they have a room. Every lab/hospital I've ever been in has had one.

99% of them include a laminated magazine and some modern ones even have a tv playing a nice film too.

eggyface · 08/10/2016 13:54

What do we know about OP's situation?

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:54

Please read my update. We are unexpectedly skint for a short amount of time.

I see some of you have your delightful judgment hats on today.

OP posts:
Lintilla · 08/10/2016 13:54

My DH did it in the back of our van parked on a side road near the hospital. At the clinic they had nice rooms but not the hospital.

MrsJayy · 08/10/2016 13:54

But you didnt have to give birth in the corridor or a toilet phone the hospital at least ask for the man if there is a room he can use

Sparklesilverglitter · 08/10/2016 13:54

I can kind of understand his point I mean "wank in a toilet" sounds lovely and pressurised to perform

CheekyMcgee · 08/10/2016 13:54

X post. Well i think a hotel room is best option for him as he will need to feel comfortable but i can tell you now that babies are expensive and if you're skint, is now the best time? Or could you save up for a few months first?

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 08/10/2016 13:55

Tell him to man up! A quick wank is nothing compared to what women go through during infertility investigations.

RosieSW · 08/10/2016 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 08/10/2016 13:56

Least the bag of the van was private

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:56

A laminated magazine?! Eurgh I see why but I'd really struggle to have an orgasm in that set up! I guess men are different. Grin

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 08/10/2016 13:56

I don't think all the comments are about the financial situation op

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 08/10/2016 13:56

Are you making this up? YABU to ask him to masterbate in a public place. I mean come on. I think that would come under indecency laws in the uk. The car or the loo.

What if someone complains? When dh had to provide a sample for analysis after his vasectomy he did the job at home and I drove it in to the hospital. They gave us the pot with a screw lid and a Jiffy bag as the bubble wrap would keep it warm and said to get to the hospital within two hours of producing the sample.

Can you not do this at home and drive to the facility?

Willow21 · 08/10/2016 13:57

Most hospitals have private rooms. Some have magazines or DVDs others you have to take your own helpful material

My dh struggled with this part, it is very difficult and not comparable I don't feel to what a woman goes through in IVF. I looked on if very much as yes I had to have uncomfortable injections/procedures etc but it was medical and in a hospital environment so I could compartmentalise that experience in my mind and deal with it.
For dh he was being asked to do something 'normal' and 'intimate' in an environment not usually associated with that and it was a massive mental block for him. I didn't like some of my treatment but I wouldn't have swapped roles !

UnGoogleable · 08/10/2016 13:57

I'm pretty sure they have a room. Every lab/hospital I've ever been in has had one. honestly they ought to, but my hospital did tell me that they didn't have a room. Doctor was worried because we live about an hour away from there and he said we'd struggle to get it there whilst still fresh (imagine sitting in traffic stressing that your sample was going to go off!!)

The nearest one is 7 hours away and BIG bucks. Hang on - surely you'd need to stay in hotel anyway if that's the case? You're not going to drive there, produce a sample, and drive all the way home again in the same day?

chinlo · 08/10/2016 13:57

A quick wank is nothing compared to what women go through during infertility investigations

And it's really really easy tbh! Think of something sexy (or get some porn up on your phone) and bash one out. Only takes 3-4 minutes, especially as you have to abstain from ejaculation for 3 days beforehand.

I'm an expert in these matters, obviously.

MrsJayy · 08/10/2016 13:57

Oh dearie me laminated reference material

MrsJayy · 08/10/2016 13:59

Back of van sorry

Chocolateiloveyou28 · 08/10/2016 13:59

I can see his point, I wouldn't want to get myself off in a toilet it does sound very pressurised "go in that toilet and don't come out until you've finished"

Is there really no closer clinic

PopFizz · 08/10/2016 13:59

Fertility clinics have these rooms, but local hospital here didn't. We were under NHS gynea for fertility, and exH had to use a public convenience for this exact reason. It was ten minutes of his life, nothing major, he did it, dealt with it, we got it tested. Your DH does need to get over it a bit if he wants more kids.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 14:01

I asked if there was somewhere to do it and the mean doctor I didn't like raised her eyebrows and said 'yes the toilet'.

These are the very beginning steps which is why we're going in to a hospital rather than a clinic.

We won't be going down the route of ivf as we won't be able to afford that. I think it's between $5000-$10000 per cycle so it wouldn't be an option.

I'm starting clomid and we'll do some testing but it's as much so I can put it to rest in my mind to be honest. It's killing me every month to get my hopes up, especially after a miscarriage in Feb.

And can people stop being unkind and judgmental please? I posted this as a light hearted way of seeing if I was being unreasonable. Not to be told I shouldn't have more children.

OP posts:
UnGoogleable · 08/10/2016 14:01

When DH was at the fertility clinic to produce his sample, When the Nurse came to show him to the little wank-cubicle she said "Mr Googleable? COME this way"

I nearly pissed myself laughing Grin

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