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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to wank in a toilet?

202 replies

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:32

We've finally bitten the bullet and are undergoing infertility stuff.

Do has to provide a sperm sample. Which he's fine about.

The problem is we live a long way from the hospital and the sample needs to be nice and fresh. 30 minutes at the longest.

So I've said do should do what most guys do and bash one out in the hospital loo.

He's having none of it. Says its disgusting and we need to stay in a local hotel.

We're totally Saint right now and it would take the place of money set aside to worm and de tick the animals and living in a place with 80% Lymes in ticks this is kind of important.

Am I being insensitive and unreasonable?

Would be much appreciated if females readers could ask their male oh's what they think.

Tia.

OP posts:
Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 20:39

Unfortunately the US healthcare system will bleed you for every penny you have. Or don't.

OP posts:
Alorsmum · 08/10/2016 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 20:52

Update update! Dh is not being made to jizz in a loo!

He's actually said that if the alternative is to knock one out in a purpose built room with well fingered 'materials' he'd rather do it in a toilet though haha.

OP posts:
woowoowoo · 08/10/2016 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 20:54

And when you've had conception issues for as long as we have any kind of allure is taken out of the whole thing unfortunately.

Temperature taking, right hour of the right day, right positions etc.

I have the utmost respect for people that have done ivf. People who've not been through it (and we aren't even close to ivf) can't imagine the stress and misery.

OP posts:
CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 08/10/2016 20:55

How do I moan a lot about dh?

Dobby the Fucking Jizz Elf?

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 20:57

Ok so you have two choices of venue for the deed. Is he ok with this?

Phalenopsisgirl · 08/10/2016 20:58

Crikey he is a bit precious isn't he! I'd have suggested the car too

HarryPottersMagicWand · 08/10/2016 21:02

I am so glad he has told his mother to effectively do one. She is a bitch, as is SIL. You will be far better off without these awful people in your lives. I hope he sticks to it!

I asked DH. He would do it in the toilet. He had to give samples when we were having fertility problems but luckily we could get them to hospital in time (our time limit was an hour though).

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 21:03

Crazyname Grin

He's actually happy to do it in the loo but I think he feels embarrassed. And that's kind of shit, especially with all the other stresses surrounding the baby making process.

Does stress affect men's sperm? I know it can affect other fertility aspects.

OP posts:
NeedABanner · 08/10/2016 21:07

alorsmum. You've not read the thread then.

I never understand why posters think that their opinion is SO important that they can't take the time the read the thread BEFORE replying. Seems like a pretty basic courtesy to me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 21:07

IVF is painful and taxing emotionally and physically. Hopefully yours will work with Clomid. We went straight for IVF because of my age. We moved around a lot pre baby and the gynaecologist in the country we were living in wasn't helpful and we ended up wasting several months with them. By this time dh was likely to move again. So we decided to wait until after the move. All in we wasted 18 months / 2 years and decided to go straight for IVF. It worked after 2 full cycles but 3 implantations plus an operation for a twisted ovary. I don't know if it twisted due to weight or pick up. (This may not be the right terminology as I did in a foreign language).

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 21:07

The sad thing is, I think sil isn't inherently a bad person. She's a spoiled, entitled ratbag for sure but that's a product of hideous mil.

I guess the question is, how much allowance do you give people for having bad parents and when do you just expect people to get to an age when they snap out of it?

Saying that though, some people have hideous upbringings and they're still lovely people.

I am increasingly worried about sil and her daughter but that's a whole other thread. Sad

OP posts:
CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 08/10/2016 21:08

Yes, stress (and other factors) can affect sperm quality.

www.babycentre.co.uk/a564482/dads-to-be-how-your-lifestyle-can-affect-your-fertility

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 21:08

And I don't care if he sticks to it. That's his choice and his funeral. Ds and I are off offski though.

OP posts:
Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 21:11

Well I'm 40 soon. Sad The doctor also told us they'd be inducing me before our due date as I'd be a high risk birth and there is a high likelyhood of stillbirth. Cheers love.

OP posts:
NeedABanner · 08/10/2016 21:14

So he's changed his mind now? He's now happy to do it in the loo?

Huppopapa. I think I might just be a little bit in love with you...

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 21:17

I wouldn't say 'happy'. But when I told him that some places have a special wanky room he was horrified. Apparently the toilet is less daunting.

Really though, I think the car in the woods is the best option. Although it does sound like a script for a horror film......

OP posts:
Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 21:20

Huppopapa- when ds was born he scooped out all the poop from the birthing pool. He's not squeamish! Grin

OP posts:
Ilovewillow · 08/10/2016 21:22

We had IVF at Guys and St Thomas and IUI at a clinic in Southampton and both have rooms specially designed for the job in hand, excuse the pun!

No need for an expensive hotel room or an insanity toilet!

Best of luck!

CockacidalManiac · 08/10/2016 22:22

I did this in the loo at the hospital for a post vasectomy sample. Not really a problem.

Alorsmum · 08/10/2016 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HistoriaTrixie · 08/10/2016 23:21

FWIW, am also in the US and at the fertility specialist's office we went to, there was a last-resort option for men who couldn't, for either religious or extreme "shyness", get it off in the designated room - needle aspiration. They didn't like to do it obvs both because of the pain and faff involved and because they need to get an idea of what the semen is like at, um, the point of service, but it's something they keep in the back pocket.

MaryTheCanary · 09/10/2016 01:55

"Mary have you had fertility treatment? IVF? Gynalogical operation?"

I doubt you are genuinely interested, but as it happens I had several unsuccessful rounds of ART (the sperm injection kind), and had my fallopian tubes looked at, among other things (in the end I got lucky and concieved my daughter naturally, so no IVF).

None of it was very nice, but at least I was not being put under pressure to reach orgasm during these procedures and the room was clean and private apart from the doctor. As opposed to having to try to climax in a smelly, germ-ridden environment with strangers clomping around potentially listening to me.

I also think that it's pretty vulgar to masturbate in toilets---if my daughter had to go into the gents with her dad, I don't want people masturbating in there, and I don't want men masturbating in unisex sealed-off bathrooms (such as disabled bathrooms or baby changing toilets) which other women have to use.

As other people have said--if you wouldn't comfortable giving your husband a handjob in a toiet, be reasonable if the guy is telling you he is not comfortable trying to climax in said environment. Guys may find it easier to get off in less than perfect environments, on average, but they are individuals and a lot of men would not be comfortable with this. They should be respected, not treated like a sperm machine.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2016 06:14

Thank you for the honest answer Mary. I get what you're saying although I continue to believe the man should get on with it. Good that you conceived naturally. To tell someone, whose seriously gone through the mill that they're missing the point is grossly unfair. Having your Fallopian tubes looked at and having sperm inserted just isn't on the same level. What some women go through to have a child is horrendous and my health was ruined forever by the process.