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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to wank in a toilet?

202 replies

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 13:32

We've finally bitten the bullet and are undergoing infertility stuff.

Do has to provide a sperm sample. Which he's fine about.

The problem is we live a long way from the hospital and the sample needs to be nice and fresh. 30 minutes at the longest.

So I've said do should do what most guys do and bash one out in the hospital loo.

He's having none of it. Says its disgusting and we need to stay in a local hotel.

We're totally Saint right now and it would take the place of money set aside to worm and de tick the animals and living in a place with 80% Lymes in ticks this is kind of important.

Am I being insensitive and unreasonable?

Would be much appreciated if females readers could ask their male oh's what they think.

Tia.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/10/2016 16:06

monkey Having read that I can see why people don't think it's a good idea.

Bogeyface · 08/10/2016 16:07

I wouldnt comment on whether you should have more children, but why the fuck are you having one with him?

A man who allows his family to treat you like shit, who isnt exactly prince charming to you himself and refuses to move so you can get a career of your own?

Where to have a wank is the least of your worries.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 08/10/2016 16:08

We live a very long way from a hospital, so had to time the sample so it could get away on the mail plane. MrZ can't do it by himself (long story, but really can't) so I had to give him a hand and that didn't work so had to be a bit more creative.

As soon as i emerged (scantily clad) from the bedroom,triumphantly brandishing the jar, I walked straight into my SIL who had decided to let herself in and demand that MrZ fix her car. Not my most poised moment! As it turned out, the hospital didn't look at the specimen for about 2 hours after it arrived, so we were told that the motility was so poor as to make our chances negligible. Thankfully a doctor spotted the timing and all was well, but it was a difficult time.

WeArePregnant11 · 08/10/2016 16:11

Huh, you're husband is being rather precious :) but in a kind of cute way. Did he really shriek when you told him about the laminated mag? Aww.

Anyhow, my wife comes from the states and as far as I know there are many super cheap motels (we met when we're were working our first jobs after college so we didn't have a lot of money..,). You could go to one of these motels that charge by the hour? Some of them are very clean.

And many hotels actually do have hourly rates, even if they don't advertise it, you just have to ask Blush. Maybe that would be a cheaper option?

Good luck.

cdtaylornats · 08/10/2016 16:22

I would say its reasonable as long as you are prepared to stand outside the loo and explain to potential users that your DH is having a wank and why.

Yoarchie · 08/10/2016 16:37

Could you park the car, take your ds to look at the wildlife and h do the quick wank in the car? Near to place it needs to be taken.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 08/10/2016 16:42

expatinscotland

You've had a tough life haven't you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 16:47

Oh god, just made the connection. You're the op whose dh lets his family treat you terribly and doesn't want to take his potty training son for a wee because he's been doing real work all day. As opposed to looking after the child, house, animals, growing vegetables. I got the impression he's not very supportive despite your father having cancer isn't it?

Tell him real men look after their wives and can fuck a cup.

WeArePregnant11 · 08/10/2016 16:48

Why can't you 2 just go to the disability toilet for... 10-15 minutes? Or he could go alone, if that's something he'd prefer for some reason.

I have masturbated (and had sex) in a toilet. So, I personally really don't see the issue? Just, close your eyes and think of something hot.

Is the toilet your DH's real issue or is it potentially something else?

WeArePregnant11 · 08/10/2016 16:52

if your DH is really such a jerk,,, Well, I'm a woman and I have masturbated successfully in a bathroom stall. So, tell him to suck it up and take one for the team.

(Btw, do you really want to have a child with a man that treats you this way...?)

HarmlessChap · 08/10/2016 17:10

The comments about men finding it easier to reach climax and blokes have been wanking in toilets for years.

Let me explain something. The danger wank is indeed a thing, you get a raging horn on and get the urge cracking one off quickly somewhere you shouldn't without getting caught and its all the better for the added thrill. That is a whole different thing from being under pressure to perform, not feeling particularly aroused, potentially with distracting, unpleasant sounds and smells.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/10/2016 17:24

lol@the raging hornGrin

Spot on though IMO!

Kitsa · 08/10/2016 17:25

Oh, people with no money shouldn't have children apparently. Didn't get that memo; shame on me.

ncayley115 · 08/10/2016 17:30

Depends how much he wants a baby. DH did it in the loo at work and then delivered it to the clinic and further down the road in the special room at the clinic.

Andrewofgg · 08/10/2016 17:41

tell him to suck it up

Not quite the idea . . .

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/10/2016 17:48

Oh, people with no money shouldn't have children apparently. Didn't get that memo; shame on me.

I think you'll find that's just one of many issues.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/10/2016 17:49

Why can't you 2 just go to the disability toilet for... 10-15 minutes? Or he could go alone, if that's something he'd prefer for some reason.

What if, you know, someone with a disability needs the toilet!

WordsAreWind · 08/10/2016 18:04

Looking forward to the AIBU thread from a disturbed mumsnetter freaking out that there's a pervy man pleasuring himself in the hospital toilets whilst her 12 year old Son is using the loo.

BowieFan · 08/10/2016 18:07

According to my DP (who's in the RAF): "Well I've done it in Iraq which is probably preferable to some hospital loos."

So I'd guess you probably are BU.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 18:08

As I've said before but people have chosen to ignore it, he is extremely supportive and more than pulls his weight with ds. That's why the peeing comment was such a shock the other day.

He doesn't allow his family to treat me badly, he actually spoke to his Mother yesterday and told her he didn't want to have a relationship with her anymore because of her treatment of me the other night. And that she won't be seeing ds either.

I work hard yes but he does also. He's the hardest working man I've ever known. He's out working all the daylight hours there are in the winter even when it's -30. If I had another baby obviously we wouldn't still be growing all of our own food. And that was all my idea too.

I'm glad you all have such wonderful, perfect relationships to raise children in and are all super rich too. Our relationship isn't perfect but it's pretty good and he's a wonderful Father. He's never so much as got irritated with ds (which is more than I can say for myself) and spends every free hour from work doing housework or playing with ds.

Probably a good job I had a miscarriage eh? Save some poor child being born in to poverty and abuse.

OP posts:
Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 18:12

Zippy - we did think of the flying it there option but they've got all pissy about carrying samples recently. Employee liability or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 18:15

I'm pretty sure dh wants another as much I do. He was actually more cut up about the miscarriage than I was.

I also recently made the 'nice things your oh does' thread but hey ho.

OP posts:
KellyBoo800 · 08/10/2016 18:15

I think it's a bit unfair telling OPC that she shouldn't be thinking of having a child if she's a bit skint. Plenty of people have children when they're not exactly wealthy and are able to look after and provide for them properly.

OP - we had the same issue, in fact DH delivered his sample to the hospital yesterday morning. He could have done it at home and then gone straight to hospital but as he had to do the school run, he decided to 'produce his sample' at the hospital to save him having to do the journey twice (as school is near thenough hospital). He was a bit grossed out by it but hospital toilets in theory should be cleaner than other toilets.

I could understand your DH being a bit weirded out by it but in all likelihood this will be the extent of his fertility testing, whilst you are probably going to be undergoing a lot of more invasive procedures. That might help put it into perspective for him.

Chikara · 08/10/2016 18:26

The basic answer to your question is YABU. As others have said - horrible. Could you do it??

I also agree with other posters but you have made it clear that you don't want to hear their views - some of which are sensible.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/10/2016 18:30

Bummy, pull over somewhere quiet in your car, and be kind to your partner.
You are in this together, it's the very beginning of your future baby.
Stop treating him like an instrument.

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