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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DD she can ignore the no makeup rule

208 replies

Hedgehog80 · 06/10/2016 16:30

Dd (14) goes to a school where they have a complete make up ban up till sixth form. She's never worn make up at school previously (except eyebrow pencil but it was cleared by the school due to a medical issue)

She recently has been on a medication that has affected her skin and subsequently her self esteem. Dd also has lifelong medical conditions that are very difficult for her and has now developed depression....she told me that up till now she could put on a happy smiley act at school but she can't anymore as she's too u happy and looks awful (she does look v unwell and has terrible dark circles under eyes)

She asked today could she wear make up for two reasons - to hide the circles and spots and to make her look a bit better and also because she knows if she wears it she won't cry as then it'll all run and smudge so she thought it would be help.

I told her yes to ignore the ban and keep it as natural as she possibly can. I think in the circumstances it's ok ?
I'm not sure dh will agree with me and no idea if the school will notice/what they may say but they've been fully supportive so far with any issues

OP posts:
RestlessTraveller · 06/10/2016 16:33

I'd allow some concealer for her dark circles and spots but that's all.

OurBlanche · 06/10/2016 16:33

Did you contact the school, the pastoral team?

If not get in touch ASAP and discuss it with them! At least that way you aren't sending her, knowing she will be challenged by the first teacher who notices it!

Blue4ever · 06/10/2016 16:34

Would you take her to a make up counter so that she can get a lesson on how to apply the make up with a light touch? it would also help with trying a selection of products and find the right one for her. And yes I would ignore the ban.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 06/10/2016 16:35

She only went in for a couple of hours today but I'll let them know tomorrow

She just wore concealer, tinted moisturiser, eyebrow pencil and maybe a bit of blusher from what I could see. It was very natural

OP posts:
Lunar1 · 06/10/2016 16:35

I'd speak to the school first, and only regarding covering the dark circles.

myownprivateidaho · 06/10/2016 16:36

I think foundation and concealer are fair enough and she's unlikely to get pulled up on that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/10/2016 16:36

Make up ban. Seriously?

By all means ban touching up for hours and being late for lessons but let the poor girls cover up a few spots. What kinda nonsense is this?

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/10/2016 16:36

Hell bring on the guy liner too should they so wish Smile

TippiNoodlegruder · 06/10/2016 16:37

I wouldn't "ignore" it, because she's likely to be confronted by staff trying to enforce it. Speak to the school and see how it goes.

Rumtopf · 06/10/2016 16:37

Definitely talk to the pastoral care people at school. I'd let her use a tinted moisturiser/bb cream type thing that's subtle and some concealer for her dark circles and spots. Clear mascara and a bit of plain lip balm and she'd look natural enough not to be flouting the rules but enough to feel better. Poor love.

flutterworc · 06/10/2016 16:37

Where I teach has the same policy. Whilst it's solidly enforced across the year groups, I always tell my tires that if I can't tell they're wearing it, how would I know to refer them to have it removed? The only 'hitch' to that plan is that if they then wear too much, it all comes off, so a smudge of concealer and a swipe of mascara will probably pass, but full RuPaul/Jordan slap is a no.

Obviously, either way it is actually breaking the rules, so don't be surprised if you get a phone call - alternatively, make an appointment to see her Head of Year or Pastoral Leader and discuss it with them: they want what is best for your daughter too.

Good luck - hope she feels better soon.

CantChoose · 06/10/2016 16:37

I'd like to think it would be fine but I'd check with the school first.
Also think about the responses of the other children. There was a girl at my school who was allowed to have pink hair and wear make up for reasons that were never explained to us and everyone just really resented her for it TBH. With hindsight I assume there was a good reason but it was handled badly and at the time I think she got quite a hard time for it from others in her year.

TheCatsMother99 · 06/10/2016 16:40

My school had a makeup ban too but I think they tended to say this to stop the girls who used to use a shovel to apply makeup from turning up looking like painted dolls.

As other have said, speak to the school but I'm sure that as long as it's kept to a minimum and you keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't progress in to anything unnatural then she'll be fine. Less is more, after all!

intheknickersoftime · 06/10/2016 16:40

I doubt very much she will get pulled up for a bit of concealer, The make up that she wore today is worn by many girls at my dds school and they have a no make up rule. If its not obvious I wouldn't worry too much.

flutterworc · 06/10/2016 16:42

Sorry, not tires, obviously. Tutees.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 06/10/2016 16:42

Yes obviously wouldnt let her wear loads she just needs that little bit to boost her and like she said to stop her crying :(

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/10/2016 16:43

I wouldn't expect a full face of make up to be ok. So no blusher or full face coverage. Maybe concealer but I would worry that she's relying on make up to make her feel better and would rather work long term on bolstering her self esteem.

myownprivateidaho · 06/10/2016 16:43

I'm sorry to say that I don't think that wearing mascara is likely to be effective to stop her crying.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 06/10/2016 16:43

Tbh I think the "no make up" rule is to avoid extreme colours on eyes and lips. I can't see that a bit of foundation to cover up skin issues should be a problem.

Wolfiefan · 06/10/2016 16:44

Grrrrr. Phone posted too soon.
And no. If never tell my kids they can ignore school rules. Really bad advice and likely to get them in trouble.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 06/10/2016 16:47

For now I just want her to be able to get into school as much as she can and if it helps her to do so even like today for two hours then I think it's worth it

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/10/2016 16:49

I'm not sure I'd contact them until they contact you.
Thing is, if you ask and they say absolutely not, then you're stuck - but if she wears it and no one notices or pulls her up on it, then she can keep doing it until someone does notice.
I know that's not really the right way of going about it, but I'd be very wary of getting the "no chance" response - would you then flout it if you did?

halcyondays · 06/10/2016 16:49

Don't most schools have a no make up policy? If it's just a bit of concealer, I doubt anyone will complain.

Baylisiana · 06/10/2016 16:50

Yanbu. If it natural enough to get away without being 'caught' there is no problem. I wore make up from about 13 and no one would have guessed. You just have be good at the natural look. I can see why they might put a ban in place to discourage outlandish make up, because it would be hard to police what is ok and what is not. I think it would be better if they find a way to,just crack down on what is too much. It seems mean to ban all make up. I bet you loads of the girls are wearing it.

seven201 · 06/10/2016 16:52

I work at a no make-up school. If I notice a kid has just applied their concealer a bit badly I let it slide. If they look like they're a tangoed panda I send them to the toilets with make-up remover.

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