To tell DD she can ignore the no makeup rule

[Hedgehog80]

Dd (14) goes to a school where they have a complete make up ban up till sixth form. She's never worn make up at school previously (except eyebrow pencil but it was cleared by the school due to a medical issue)

She recently has been on a medication that has affected her skin and subsequently her self esteem. Dd also has lifelong medical conditions that are very difficult for her and has now developed depression....she told me that up till now she could put on a happy smiley act at school but she can't anymore as she's too u happy and looks awful (she does look v unwell and has terrible dark circles under eyes)

She asked today could she wear make up for two reasons - to hide the circles and spots and to make her look a bit better and also because she knows if she wears it she won't cry as then it'll all run and smudge so she thought it would be help.

I told her yes to ignore the ban and keep it as natural as she possibly can. I think in the circumstances it's ok ?
I'm not sure dh will agree with me and no idea if the school will notice/what they may say but they've been fully supportive so far with any issues

My school introduced a makeup ban after the school photos went out and parents complained that their precious cherubs didn't leave the house wearing makeup and their school photo is ruined due to excessive makeup. I must admit it did look like a few them had lined every item of makeup they owned, lined it up on a counter and just went wild applying makeup. Aslong as its natural looking, I doubt the school would even notice!

It's very natural looking she just wanted to look like herself again rather than look made up, and then to not cry

Not read the full thread but I used to wear light make up at school as I had a skin issue, was never challenged. I suggest a mineral powder foundation, applied properly will completely cover all problems but look totally natural, like you have a nice glow rather than a face full of make up.

I would contact the pastoral team just in case as others have said.

for her, horrible to feel down about your looks.

Yes, dds school banned makeup and she was told to wash it off. I sent a very polite email explaining that due to trichotillomania, she has no eyebrows or eyelashes, they now let her wear subtle additions.

By the way tips taht might help to give her confidence without being 'made up'.....primers (you can get ones that balance out skin tone and mattify but are not make up); under eye light reflecting concealers and a light fluid or mineral foundation will be undetectable if the colour is right and they are applied well; a skin colour eyeshadow or eye primer with no glitter, just on the lid, will make the eyes look brighter; a very natural tinted lip balm or a tiny amount of long lasting natural lip stain or liner applied by fingertips to the lips; eyelashes and brows can be tinted which makes a big difference if they are fair without make up. You don't need much of anything, and blend it out a bit on the fingers before even applying. If using mineral powder, which you could claim is a sunscreen of sorts, a tiny tiny bit buffed on is all that is needed. Don't keep adding more to the brush to add coverage, just keep buffing.

I realise that other approaches to appearance, health, confidence etc are important, but at this point whatever helps her sounds good.

Make-up bans, lunchbox police...but no-one teaching them not to say 'like' every other word or that they can't say 'I was sat'.
At least they'll be healthy and natural looking when they're speaking like morons.

sounds fine to me
I don't do make up but... I have chronic insomnia so I do own concealer to stop me terrifying my colleagues. I don't think anyone would even notice it, they would just say "lorelei doesn't wear make up".

it might be worth telling the school just in case.

Myredrose that was why previously dd was allowed to wear eyebrow pencil as she had pulled out all of her eyebrows and school were brilliant about that so I'm hoping they'll be understanding now as well

Could she have her eyelashes tinted? Then she would get the effect without needing to break the rules. As a pale person with invisible lashes, that's what I'd do if I had a DD at a school with a rule like that.

I'd let her wear concealer too. Being self conscious about spots is horrible at any age but especially when you're a teenager.

but I would worry that she's relying on make up to make her feel better and would rather work long term on bolstering her self esteem. I agree with this

Hedgehog80 it's a reasonable adjustment I think

We are working on long term self esteem as well but currently also need a 'quick fix' till she finds her coping strategies

.but no-one teaching them not to say 'like' every other word or that they can't say 'I was sat

For your information, we would correct these errors, however the volume that children speak to their parents should be thousands of times greater than the volume they speak to their teacher......

The fact that physically she feels so awful 24/7 and can't see that changing long term is very hard for her. My worry is if she starts missing school that she will fall behind and get stressed by that or then find it too hard to go back if she's been off a while.
This way she's been able to get in for two hours today rather than be off all day

I would speak to the school. They soho ups want to help and not have her end up too distressed for school. Tinted moisturiser? Not really make up.

YANBU.
I think there is a fine line (no pun intended) between concealer and tinted acne treatment creams anyway.
Hope she feels better soon OP. As another poster said, perhaps treat her to an eyelash tint?

Soho ups?!!!
Should

Sorry.

To be honest I wouldn't contact the school. I'm certain they'd say no and probably chase her around with a wet-wipe every day just to ensure she isn't 'breaking the rules' and would forever scowl at her, and you, for your attempts to bent their regulations for one special snowflake - which is how they'd see it.

The trick is to not be caught. If you don't feel confident teaching her, consider paying for a spot of tuition, teaching her to cover the circles or at least lessen them (it's an art. Do it wrong and you get white/pale half-moons under each eye) and how best to cover spots and redness without the giveaway chalkyness.

Unless they are actually wiping the girl's faces they won't be able to tell.

No need to ask. If it's natural it's fine. It's not like the teachers will be whitegloving her face.

Yes - don't ask, that's setting you up for trying to flout the rules. If it's light and natural no-one will know. Tinted moisturiser is brilliant - it's not exactly "make up" is it? Carefully applied make-up looks like no make-up but can cover up a multitude of imperfections.

Ditto tinted eyelashes.

FWIW my DD was constantly being asked by teachers if she was wearing mascara. No not at all - just the lucky little blighter had naturally very long, very curled and very dark lashes. She loved being able to retort with a clear conscience - No Miss it's just the way they are!

It's probably obvious makeup that they want to avoid. The scouse brow, false lashes, contour, takes-two-hours-to-reapply-after-PE kind of look.

You may be pushing it slightly with the blush and eyebrow pencil, but if she can genuinely not look like she has any on, then why not?

The blusher is very very minimal (she's very pale recently as has been quite unwell) it actually looked more natural with the blusher than without
Eyebrow pencil also minimal to fill in gaps where they've grown back sparse

I would just say the line flutterworc used - if they can't tell you're wearing it they won't tell you to take it off. FWIW I wore make up nearly every day of senior school, concealer to cover up a skin condition and very dark circles. Maybe bit of eyeliner as otherwise the concealer made my eyes look weird. No-one cared. A friend who wore two-tone eyeshadow on the other hand, and another who wore really obvious lipliner....yeah.

My sympathies to your DD. I had awful acne, wore concealer and powder and no-one said a thing (thank god, I would have been mortified without it).

I think wearing corrective make up to cover up symptoms of an illness (spots, missing eyebrows, dark circles if she has sleep issues) is very different from wearing makeup when you look perfectly normal and just want to look prettier.

So I would say: BB cream, concealer, maybe clear mascara. Eyebrow makeup if hers are very sparse - powder is subtler than pencil.

Honestly I do think she should avoid blusher or black mascara, these will be too obvious compared with girls with no make up on. I know what you mean about it looking more natural with, but next to a girl with no makeup on, it will look obvious. Sorry.

Basically she needs to keep it at a level where she is just making herself look like the other girls. Not better than them iyswim. So the other girls don't go "hey why is littleHedgehog allowed to wear makeup and I'm not". That's where it starts to cause difficulties for the school and they may feel they have to intervene.

YANBU
if it makes her feel better then let her wear it, life's too short to feel miserable and if a bit of concealer and eyebrow pencil make her feel better about herself and makes her life better then do it