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AIBU?

To be so bloody angry with OH?

218 replies

CheeseAndBeans · 02/10/2016 06:53

Because I am! He went out last night with the lads. Not something he does very often so was expecting him to be a bit hungover this morning. He said he may stay at mates as saves on taxi fare plus he didn't want to disturb me and our two kids. All fine.
I get woken up by 2 year old DD coming in to our room at 5.30 to say daddy is cleaning the stairs. He then comes into the bedroom and announces he has shit himself on the stairs! Wtf?! He is steaming drunk and gets into bed, waking 3 month old DD in the process.
I get up to see what's happened and he had shat all up stairs. Cream carpet in rented house. Argh!
Go back into bedroom to yell at him to clean it up and he is snoring in the middle of the bed, can't wake him.
Kids wide awake by this point so bring them downstairs. Feed 3 month old and sat 2 year old in front of peppa pig on tv. I have now scrubbed the stairs, but whole house stinks. I am so so angry!!
Can't believe he got in such a state. He is usually amazing. Hardly goes out and is great with the kids but he has really pissed me off. How can a grown adult get in such a mess? He had sprayed carpet cleaner randomly on it and clothes in pile by washing machine. The water all over bathroom suggests he had a wash.
We have plans today to go out to see family, my side. AIBU to just get the kids ready and go without him in a few hours? I can't see him being in any state to go and to be honest I don't want to spend the day with him!

OP posts:

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YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 02/10/2016 08:48

Bin the clothes, open the windows, leave him a note and go out.

MothersGrim · 02/10/2016 08:48

Set every alarm in the house you can find to go off at 11.30 including the one on his phone. Then phone him repeatery at noon.

No point waking him up any sooner but neither would I let him lounge about all day so you can have 2 young children and he can have a day off. Open the windows before you go out too. Let him be cold.

kissmybuttlife · 02/10/2016 08:52

I think it's really disrespectful to you and your relationship. I suspect this won't be the last time he gets blind drunk in your lives together.

rainbowstardrops · 02/10/2016 08:56

Eurgh gross!!!
Definitely take the kids off to your mum's alone and stay out as long as possible - leaving all the windows open so he's freezing when he does finally surface.
I'd text him your message about making sure everything is spotless before you get back otherwise he might not see a note.
I hope he's a grovelling, mortified wreck when you get back

hangingoutattheendofmywick · 02/10/2016 09:03

People seem to be incredibly harsh.... too much wine can mean you are likely to poo yourself. It happened to me once - I have never been so mortified. Your husband didn't mean to do it. No one says "I would quite like to shit myself now". He will be so mortified and embarrassed by it when he sobers up. I know it's gross but you say he never goes out and is usually wonderful, We all have moments of drunken stupidity. I have thrown up too all down the corridor once as I was on a no carb diet and drank Bacardi. (never ever ever again). My husband had to clean it up. He still loves me and I love him - it's marriage. I get that it's gross .... and I would be pretty pissed off BUT he didn't do it on purpose.

rookiemere · 02/10/2016 09:07

Yes hire the rug doctor and leave it for him to clean.
Go out for the day with the DCs and see how he is behaving when you get back. If this is genuinely out of character he will be full of abject apologies and the carpet will be clean.

PS rug doctors work but they are a massive pain to set up for the first time so that is a good start to his penance.

rookiemere · 02/10/2016 09:10

Am also surprised by the posters who say that your first and only option is to make him buy a new carpet. Firstly most couples have joint finances and carpets are rather expensive especially if it's not even for an owned house and secondly has no one experienced accidents with toddlers if not poo then definately wee on the carpet?

ImissTerry · 02/10/2016 09:34

I'll bet he was drinking Guinness. :)

user1470043860 · 02/10/2016 09:36

"It does a man good to cut loose once in a while^

Remember that scene from Trainspotting?

Cagliostro · 02/10/2016 09:36

Ugh yanbu

doji · 02/10/2016 09:40

Yes it's unpleasant, but it's basically an accident, and I'm sure he'll be more careful with his alcohol intake next time.

I'd be writing him a note telling him that I've cleaned it up for him and taken the kids to mums, but that a) he needs to be up and functioning by the time we get home at whatever time you think you'll be back b) he should get down the local pet store to get some spray to deal with the smell and c) you expect some serious grovelling/making up from him. He can decide exactly what that should look like.

If you have post-it's I'd write it on one and stick to his forehead (or possibly on several and cover his whole damn face) on my way out, after leaving as many windows open as possible, with the heating off.

user1473494811 · 02/10/2016 09:40

First - shave his eyebrows and tell him that he looked like that when he came home ( he will blame his friends who let him get into such a state ) . Second - before leaving the house kiss him and tell him he will feel better soon and that he is not to worry "it can happen to anyone" then make him a cup of tea and piss in it.
Thirdly - go out and have a nice day.

Paddington68 · 02/10/2016 09:47

From a male point of view...
You say he doesn't go out that often, so he has had a huge binge.
You say that normally he is a great person, but he's had one binge and it has gone very wrong when he gets home.

When he wakes up and remembers what he has done he will no doubt be mortified. He'll see the damage and smell the stink.
So take the child out, leave a note saying something like 'Hope you had a good night, see you at x o'clock'. This then gives him a certain amount of time to address the situation.
If nothing is done when you get home have a go, if all is right and proper and he is hugely apologetic let it go.
He's probably been egged on by his mates, yes I know he's a grown adult, and got far more drunk than he expected.
You being nice will make him feel far worse than you having a go.

AmberLynne · 02/10/2016 09:48

Ha Paddington, bingo!

Threeboysandus · 02/10/2016 09:51

I would head out for day, just because I couldnt bare to be there with the filthy carpet.

I would be gentle on him. He will feel awful when he wakes. He obviously tried to make it to the loo if he got caught out on the stairs. He doesn't normally get into hat state. I can understand why your upset but I'm sure he will feel a million times worse.

Lorelei76 · 02/10/2016 09:59

I think new carpet
His reaction will tell you a lot
Friend of mine had to clean up after someone who shat themselves, they showed no remorse whatsoever
If that happens here then you need to have a careful think
But if he doesn't get hammered often hopefully it's just a one off.

Paddington68 · 02/10/2016 10:03

Not a very forgiving crowd.

gertyglossop · 02/10/2016 10:18

I'd make him get up, get ready and come out with you. Give him the full force of natural consequence - spending a day with a raging hangover, having to act normally in front of your family while you blank him at every given opportunity. Far too easy for him to stay in bed recovering in peace while you and the kids are out. I would then make him clean the stairs again, the shower and boil wash the sheets while you chill out.

My DH had form for going out and getting shit-faced, knowing we had plans the following day and I used to leave him in bed while I went out all huffy, but the only one who suffered was me! Funnily enough, he doesn't do it now I insist on sticking to plans - including him getting up with DD if it's his turn. Hangovers are no fun when you can't sleep them off

YANBU

Paddington68 · 02/10/2016 10:23

I'm finding this fascinating.
He has on purpose cut up your favourite dress, or thrown you favourite CD in the bin.
He has bene out and unfortunately there has been some collateral damage due to that.
I find all these 'revenge' suggestions very difficult to appreciate. He hasn't done something to his wife on purpose.

gertyglossop · 02/10/2016 10:23

Obviously, the shitty stairs would piss me off (especially if I had to clean it!), but I'd be more annoyed that he got so drunk knowing that you had plans the following day.

hoddtastic · 02/10/2016 10:24

i wonder if the amount of mumsnetters whose partners piss and shit themselves when drunk is about right and the reason you don't know your best mates DH turns into Mr Pissy when he's had a pint is because it's so disgusting they are ashamed of their DH? MN gives you anonymity to a degree doesn't it?

I've personal experience of 3 pissers shudders (admittedly I am no vestal virgin) but I know other mates have had relationships with other pissers too, think it's pretty widespread amongst idiot men who get hammered.

Paddington68 · 02/10/2016 10:25

Sorry I'll try that again.

He has not on purpose cut up your favourite dress or thrown your favourite CD in the bin.
He has been out and unfortunately there has been some collateral damage due to that.
I find all the 'revenge' suggestions very difficult to appreciate.
He hasn't done something on purpose to his wife.

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manandbeast · 02/10/2016 10:27

I was wondering, given how lovely you say he is, whether this was a genuine accident. Perhaps he could tell his stomach wasn't right and therefore decided to come home rather than stay with friend. Tried to get to the bathroom in time but failed??

People on here really do have the lowest possible expectations combined with the most OTT reactions.

Lorelei76 · 02/10/2016 10:28

I agree he didn't do it on purpose so think the reaction is key
I should probably add, the friend who had to deal with this....the person who shat themselves was a woman. Just saying because there's been a couple of comments about men who get that drunk.

GasLightShining · 02/10/2016 10:28

To those who say they have only ever heard of this mumsnet. Not something we are likely to be talking about in real life - hey guess what my husband shit himself last night.

I would be making him get up whatever state he is in and go out with you. Why should he gets to sleep it off when plans have been made. If I have made plans to go out on Sunday I either don't drink much on Saturday night or if I do drink too much I have to suck it it on the Sunday.

Good job you were going to work today and expecting DH to be looking after them

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