To be so bloody angry with OH?

[CheeseAndBeans]

Because I am! He went out last night with the lads. Not something he does very often so was expecting him to be a bit hungover this morning. He said he may stay at mates as saves on taxi fare plus he didn't want to disturb me and our two kids. All fine.
I get woken up by 2 year old DD coming in to our room at 5.30 to say daddy is cleaning the stairs. He then comes into the bedroom and announces he has shit himself on the stairs! Wtf?! He is steaming drunk and gets into bed, waking 3 month old DD in the process.
I get up to see what's happened and he had shat all up stairs. Cream carpet in rented house. Argh!
Go back into bedroom to yell at him to clean it up and he is snoring in the middle of the bed, can't wake him.
Kids wide awake by this point so bring them downstairs. Feed 3 month old and sat 2 year old in front of peppa pig on tv. I have now scrubbed the stairs, but whole house stinks. I am so so angry!!
Can't believe he got in such a state. He is usually amazing. Hardly goes out and is great with the kids but he has really pissed me off. How can a grown adult get in such a mess? He had sprayed carpet cleaner randomly on it and clothes in pile by washing machine. The water all over bathroom suggests he had a wash.
We have plans today to go out to see family, my side. AIBU to just get the kids ready and go without him in a few hours? I can't see him being in any state to go and to be honest I don't want to spend the day with him!

[MargaretCavendish]

Why has more than one person suggested it would have been better if he'd done this at his friend's house? Surely we can all agree that if you're going to shit all over anyone's stairs they should be your own stairs?!

[CaptainBrickbeard]

I've never known someone to shit themselves whilst drunk but I worked in a race club in my youth and it was an extremely common side effect of drugs - speed and ecstasy in particular. Is that a possibility, OP? It just seems so extreme - I've been drunk plenty of times, but losing bowel control seems unthinkable.

[CaptainBrickbeard]

Rave club! Didn't mean to impugn the honour of racers!

[AmberLynne]

Margaret your post made me really laugh, thank you for that!

Surely we can all agree that if you're going to shit all over anyone's stairs they should be your own stairs?!

Aye, I would definitely agree with that!

[CheeseAndBeans]

I am not going to leave him over it! He is mid 30's. Should know better but it's happened now.
Not telling my family what he did, for me more than him - they would be disgusted and I very embarrassed.
Sure I will laugh about this in years to come but right now I am going to find ways to make him pay!
Off to have a shower and get kids ready. Not meant to be at mums til lunchtime but heading there early to escape the smell. Will update later when I have heard his story!

[ZigZagIntoTheBlue]

That is gross! Good idea to rent the rug doctor bit I suspect you'll end up doing it because if he's that hung over he won't be able to work out the ratio instructions and the noise will be unbearable. In fact for that reason alone I think I'd start using it myself sorry you've got this to deal with, what a horrendous start to the day! I personally would just tell my parents he was drunk and hungover, no need to overshare!

[1potato2potato3potato4]

Great minds hey Amber

[EllieHandMeDownBaby]

Don't blame you for getting out of the house as quickly as you can, OP! Nor for not telling your family exactly why DH isn't with your today!

Love the idea of leaving all the windows open to air the house just before you leave!
That and a strongly worded note saying you expect the mess to be properly cleaned up before you come back.
Ugh!

[CheeseAndBeans]

Ha! Yeah I would rather it had been our stairs than his friends. Can you imagine?!
Am 100% sure no drugs would have been involved. It would have been a meal out (not sure where they went in the end, possibly curry) then beers in the pub. He and his friends are all grown men with kids and very predictable. Although who could have predicted shit fest. Ugh.

[srslylikeomg]

Suggest he has sober October and puts all beer/wine money towards a night out for the two of you? Some good can come after the poonami. The shitstorm. Stairgate. Poops upside your head. Etc etc.

[maras2]

Hi cheese. In 1971 my BIL did this (a one off ).SIL made all sorts of excuses for him but he continues to do it 45 years on.Admitttedly not on a regular basis but she is still very nervous whenever he gets pissed and his kids,our nephews and niece, who are now in their 40's hate the sight of him.When your well deserved fury has subsided,tell him this and between you try to nip this in the bud.DBIL is not what we call a complete pisshead but maybe a fully functioning alcoholic (still not sure of the difference) who has held down a fairly good job until his retirement last year.My thoughts are with you today.I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.Treat the dirty sod with as much contempt as you can muster and try to have a nice day with your little ones.Best wishes Mx. .

[6demandingchildren]

Don't forget to leave an annoying song on repeat

[MmmMalbec]

It's absolutely disgusting and you're well within your rights to be utterly raging with him and make him suffer for what he's done. But, most people who drink have times when they drink to excess and do something completely out of character. So whilst I think you should make him feel as guilty as physically possible and get him to do the thorough clean, I think you sound like you're being very reasonable about it, in that it's not something that's worth considering leaving him for (unless it became a regular thing obviously 😷)

Good luck today!

[user1467976192]

Also in your note ask him to do a walking tour of the house he needs to reacquaint himself with where the bathroom is.... And make sure you get a nice present out of it as an apology

[Wrinklesandspotstoo]

Hope you took a photo of the carnage as it sounds like he might not recollect the full horror of it!

[SpareASquare]

This is beyond gross and something I've (thankfully) never come across in all my years as an adult. Cannot believe grown ups act this way.

I could not be with someone so disgusting. Not a standard I'd want to hold up to my children but can understand that not everyone will feel the same.

[CousinCharlotte]

Absolutely disgusting 😷

[BennyTheBall]

OMG. beyond disgusting.

I don't think I'd ever feel the same way about him.

I've heard on here of blokes pissing in random places when drunk and I thought that was bad enough...

[MrsKoala]

Sadly this is not something i have only ever encountered on MN. I grew up in a very hard drinking family/culture and men shitting/pissing/puking down themselves was seen as entirely normal and the women just sort of sighed and rolled their eyes and got on with cleaning it up. The men not really remorseful found it quite funny and were just perhaps a bit sheepish.

I spent my 21st birthday in New York with my Dad scrubbing up shit from the carpet of the hallway of the hotel we were staying in, armed with just one of those tiny complimentary bars of soap and a loo roll. Ah good times!

Anyway, i am married to a man who barely drinks and who has never shat himself. But if he did i would know it was a total one off and would be embarrassed and apologetic. I would be irritated but certainly would forgive him after some grovelling and cleaning. I think there is a big difference between that and what i grew up with.

As an aside it has reminded me of a joke:
A man's wife was so angry with her husband coming home in a state covered in puke that she said if he ever did it again she would leave him. He went to the pub and got roaring drunk and was sick all down himself. He said to his friend 'oh no, the wife is going to be furious, what shall i do?' The friends said 'I know, put £20 in your top pocket, go home and say there was a very drunk man you were helping to a taxi and while you did he puked on you'. So the man went home and the wife saw the sick and before she could shout he told her the taxi tale and pulled out the twenty. She huffed and replied, 'well why is there another twenty poking out of your trouser pocket then?' and he said 'aaah yes, he also shat in my pants...'

Hope you have a good day OP.

[Mistletoekids]

Defo leave the hose and don't tell family!!
Plus be NC with him all day except this note

DP
never imagined one day DD would wake me up to say you had shit yourself and smeared the whole house after a night out.
Cleaned bulk of shit up as not sanitary
make sure house spotless
Couldn't stand to be at home
will discuss this later

[ReginaBlitz]

Erm you need to tell him he is buying a new carpet for the stairs, that's fucking disgusting it's a rented house and eventually someone else will live there, that's vile touching carpet some test has shit on. A pet of mine once shat on the stairs I ripped the carpet up. Plus your kids will be touching it.
Tbf he has issues if he got so pissed he did that cos that isn't normal. I would be bordering on kicking him out.

[ShebaShimmyShake]

In my student days I'd regularly get hammered to the point of memory loss, often with weed as well, and I never shat or pissed myself.

[user1471550453]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this and I know you have a lot of taking to do with him.

On a practical note with the smell, you can get spray for when you are toilet training dogs/cats that have enzymes to break down the smell. Maybe that would be an option for you (well, your DH as he needs to take responsibility to sort it out!)