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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want MIL to host DS's 1st birthday party in her house and let her bake the cake?

292 replies

Popularcontrarian · 20/09/2016 08:50

First off, just to say my MIL is well intentioned, but by god she is bossy and controlling sometimes.

MIL and FIL have booked to go away for the weekend of our DS's birthday. MIL is upset by this and would like for us to have a party for DS the previous weekend, in their house, with her baking the cake.

Am I unreasonable to tell them no? I thought it would be nice to have the party on the weekend which falls the day after his birthday, it'll be in our (small) house and me, the proud mama, would like to attempt to bake his cake.

I wouldn't mind, but my in-laws are ALWAYS going away and this night away is actually a voucher for a fancy hotel we bought for them nearly two years ago, and they book it on the weekend of DS's birthday?

When I said I'd do the cake, MIL said, 'but my friend Lucy does ALL her grandchildren's cakes!'

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 20/09/2016 08:55

YANBU. Stand your ground op. It's not your fault they booked that weekend. I'd offer them to visit the week after, but not to host a party.

stealthsquiggle · 20/09/2016 08:56

Tea at MILs house with cake baked by her would be fine, but I would be making it crystal clear that it is not DS's actual party, because that will clearly be happening at your house with your cake, on the date of your choosing.

ImYourMama · 20/09/2016 08:57

You're his mama, you do his cake and bollocks to 'Lucy' and her GCs

goose1964 · 20/09/2016 08:57

Can't you have a party on the correct date? And make the cake for that. My mil always used to make my kids birthday cakes, before her arthritis got the better of her. Mind you she did teach cake decorating. I never found it a problem.

ImYourMama · 20/09/2016 08:57

You're his mama, you do his cake and bollocks to 'Lucy' and her GCs

KERALA1 · 20/09/2016 08:57

Go round there scoff her cake then have your own proper party. Job done everyone's happy and lots of cake.

Fishface77 · 20/09/2016 08:58

I'm sure someone will come on op and say yabu, it's only His first birthday he won't know any different etc but I would absolutely not allow this. There's no need. If they were that bothered they wouldn't have booked that weekend away would they?

gamerchick · 20/09/2016 08:59

I don't see the problem. So he gets 2 birthdays he won't know wtf is going on? Confused

RunningLulu · 20/09/2016 09:00

She just wants to celebrate her grandkid's birthday, let her, and have the party you originally planned too. Job done.

Creativemode · 20/09/2016 09:00

Well yanbu but you could do a small tea party and cake baked by mil then do his proper party the following week perhaps?

Amandahugandkisses · 20/09/2016 09:03

Why doesn't he have 2 celebrations and 2 cakes. I don't see the issue.

BaronessBomburst · 20/09/2016 09:03

No. MIL can have tea and cake but the weekend AFTER. Not before.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 20/09/2016 09:03

Personally I would stick to your plans, but give them the option of having a birthday tea at theirs on their return. I wouldnt want them to have theirs first. But maybe thats just me.

CMOTDibbler · 20/09/2016 09:05

Tea for you, dh, ds at theirs and she can make a cake, no problem. His actual party? At yours, when you and dh decide

Original poster
Popularcontrarian · 20/09/2016 09:05

Thanks for the replies everyone.

There is a slight problem in the shape of my husband. He says I'm being mean by insisting I have the party on the Saturday which falls the day after DS's birthday and that we should have his party the previous weekend, in our house.

But DS won't have turned 1 yet?? I'm not happy with that arrangement either.

OP posts:
DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 20/09/2016 09:07

I agree small family tea with Granny's cake at theirs the week after. Stick to your plans for his actual birthday.

RhiWrites · 20/09/2016 09:07

He's 1. He won't have a clue that it's his party.

However, you really don't want to establish a pattern that MIL always does his parties. Tell her you'll meet the weekend after his birthday and she can make a cake then. That way you'll have got in first.

FrayedHem · 20/09/2016 09:08

But you can still do a cake for his actual birthday? My In-Laws nearly always do a birthday at theirs (Inc MIL making a cake and she is a far superior baker than me) for my kids and I've never thought it was anything but a kind thing.

gamerchick · 20/09/2016 09:08

He's one, he won't give a toss man. He won't have a clue what's going on other there will be more boxes to play with.

Pick your battles.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 20/09/2016 09:09

OK, well if husband wants to organise it, he can plan it for whatever weekend he wants.

If you are organising it, it's your call.

Creativemode · 20/09/2016 09:09

Well I agree with you, I'd want it after he's turned one.

But I'm an awkward so and so.

CocktailQueen · 20/09/2016 09:09

"Oh, MIL, you had the chance to bake cakes for your children! Now it's my turn to bake birthday cakes for mine!"

"How silly of you to book your weekend away this weekend, MIL, did you forget it was dc's birthday?"

mamas12 · 20/09/2016 09:10

Agree for the week after
I have a suspicion that she will invite all the family and do it anyway so if it is the week after then you have done it the way your at yo celebrate your own sons birthday and then the week after you can relax and gave another celebration haha

redskytonight · 20/09/2016 09:12

I agree with DH's suggestion of having it at your house the weekend before so that MIL and FIL can attend. Surely the point of a 1st birthday is to get all the people important in your child's life together and that includes his grandparents?

Starduke · 20/09/2016 09:13

I agree with PP, she can do a party and cake after yours.

I totally understand why you want to make the cake. My MIL offered to buy a cake for DS1's 1st birthday but she has since seen that I like to try lots of different cakes (trains, cat, mouse, robot) and now she just buys a candle as a compromise! My cakes aren't amazing but they're made with love and the DC love them.