AIBU to not want MIL to host DS's 1st birthday party in her house and let her bake the cake?

[Popularcontrarian]

First off, just to say my MIL is well intentioned, but by god she is bossy and controlling sometimes.

MIL and FIL have booked to go away for the weekend of our DS's birthday. MIL is upset by this and would like for us to have a party for DS the previous weekend, in their house, with her baking the cake.

Am I unreasonable to tell them no? I thought it would be nice to have the party on the weekend which falls the day after his birthday, it'll be in our (small) house and me, the proud mama, would like to attempt to bake his cake.

I wouldn't mind, but my in-laws are ALWAYS going away and this night away is actually a voucher for a fancy hotel we bought for them nearly two years ago, and they book it on the weekend of DS's birthday?

When I said I'd do the cake, MIL said, 'but my friend Lucy does ALL her grandchildren's cakes!'

Whatever you might think Hippy, I don't feel the thread was pointless at all as it helped validate my feelings and it allowed me to get a range of perspectives on it. No one's forcing you to post on here and waste your time!

Seeing as it's pretty much a 50/50 split between those saying 'totally get we're you're coming from your kid, your decision" and others saying "Christ it's just a birthday party put your wants second" I'd say it's fair enough for popular to feel vindicated hippy.

I'm also wondering now how many "Why won't my DM/MIL let me make decisions for my own child & stop trying to take over" threads there will be about those in the latter camp when they're GMs!

Thanks pictish. I'm also done, it's like flogging a dead horse at this stage.

Now to start thinking about that cake...

"Hang on. I'm saying I wouldn't be upset by this because I think it's petty. I don't agree with the OP."

So, to paraphrase what I said, you don't agree with the OP because you wouldn't be upset by this, Navy.

Can you explain why your feelings should be more valid than the OP's, in this situation? Should the OP let her MIL host the first party and bake the first cake, and just suck up being so upset by that, simply because YOU wouldn't be upset?

I am sure there are things that would upset or bother you, that might not upset me - but even if I couldn't understand why something upset you, I would try to empathise, and would not criticise decisions you were making based on your feelings.

Popular - I once made three cakes for a joint party for our dses - it was a really easy one to do, and fun. I made pizza cakes - a single layer of sponge for the pizza base, red coloured buttercream icing for the tomato sauce, grated yellow fondant for the cheese, and I made 'ham', 'mushrooms' and 'peppers' out of different colours of fondant icing.

Dartmoor, I had exactly the same thought. Or maybe some are already GMs

I do sometimes wonder what some posters would consider it IS ok for a mum to care about...

There is a difference between caring and interfering, Swirling.

I hope that, when I am a MIL and a grandmother, I will be able to stay on the right side of the line - and if I don't, I am sure I have a good enough relationship with my sons that they will be able to tell me I have overstepped the mark.

Most people are just trying to be caring/loving - but some are trying to take over - I have seen accounts on here of grandmothers trying to get their grandchildren to call them 'Mum', or grandparents who ignore the wishes of their gc's parents about feeding - there's a thread on here from someone whose MIL fed their lactose intolerant, 4 month old baby a cookie - that's not caring, it's interfering and unacceptable, surely?

Some posters just want to attack OP - if they had read the thread you would see that OP has taken account of MIL and is happy to reaarange things

• OP has rearranged the time her own party to allow MIL/FIL to attend before they go away

-OP has said it is fine for MIL to have her own cake/party to week after if she wants

I really do not see what is unreasonable about this? If MIL is still determined to have the "first" party - then frankly this says a lot about MIL's attitude

"...If MIL is still determined to have the "first" party - then frankly this says a lot about MIL's attitude"

My thoughts precisely, Lunde.

This is just so petty, I really do not get the issue here at all & just because as someone said upthread that 50% of posters agree with the OP, doesn't make it less so - IMHO that just makes them equally petty minded too - plus of course there are the 50% like myself who disagree

FWIW, My own SIL did pretty much the same thing for DDs first birthday, it never occurred to me to be pissed off about it. I thought it a lovely gesture, one that meant DDs home birthday part could be for our friends with similar aged DCs & no inlaws to worry about. SIL hasn't turned into some control freak aunty because I didn't stand up & say NO, nor was I worried that it was the weekend before DDs birthday - DD was a toddler & wouldn't care less

It is what YOU make of it & personally I would rather live in my world without the unnecessary pettiness & paranoia & accept the gesture as its no doubt intended

I give up. Of course you are right, Navy - no-one should ever get upset about anything that doesn't upset you.

op YANBU in the slightest

If mil's intentions are as good as some people seem to be trying to drive home then she won't mind in the slightest being allowed to do her own little party the week after yours.

This is YOUR ds, not hers. And rightly so you should be the one to host his first birthday party and make his first cake. Which, it wouldn't be if you gave in and allowed her to host a party the weekend before.

Great to see that your dh is on board too

You misunderstand me, SDT, I completely agree with you. It just seems to me that so many times parents are told they are being precious and shouldn't mind about these things, should just let granny have her fun etc that I wonder what those posters would consider it ok for a parent to mind about.

Well said hippy

My apologies for misreading, Swirling.

Sometimes my mum makes the cake, sometimes I do. I make the decision though, and will tell my mum. She usually says something nice
Like do you want to borrow any equipment? When we visit round a birthday time, there will be a cake, but it will be an ordinary cake, perhaps with a few candles. No pics on FB etc. Same with mil! So no issues there. I get you op. There are birthday teas and birthday teas.