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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell guests to buy themselves a takeaway?

497 replies

OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:08

We have DH's family descending upon us today to visit and meet our four-week-old. They will expect feeding. They're not 'shove a pizza in the oven' kind of family, either.

Would it be rude to point them in the direction of the fish and chip shop and chinese takeaway over the road? We have a small house and there will be five of them. No dining table.

There will be tea and biscuits but that's all I'm planning on having in, our weekly shop is Monday.

Aibu?

OP posts:
blueturtle6 · 17/09/2016 07:10

Witha four week old will they be expecting food? Yanbu

Spiderpigspiderpig · 17/09/2016 07:10

I'd go one better and tell them to bugger off before dinner time

Rosae · 17/09/2016 07:10

Will you not be eating too?

FruitCider · 17/09/2016 07:10

No! You have a 4 week old baby! Do what the hell you want!

freshstart22 · 17/09/2016 07:11

Could you lay on a few sandwiches? Get your husband to do it?

tellyjots · 17/09/2016 07:12

Nope. Inconsiderate twats.

daimbar · 17/09/2016 07:13

A little bit rude to send them off.

I would hand this one over the DH, either ask him to take orders and bring a takeaway back for everyone or get a few easy nibbles like bread, cheese, quiche and salad.

Rosae · 17/09/2016 07:13

What I mean by that is if you are eating then just make/buy more. They are visiting with a 4 week old so they have to fit in with you. If that means putting some extra pizzas in, adding extra veg to a meal to make it go further or getting a takeaway....

Lostwithinthehills · 17/09/2016 07:14

Ŵho invited them to stay?

Original poster
OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:14

My appetite is through the floor so beyond breakfast, probably not! Might get some takeaway with them if I'm hungry later.

They're all very health conscious so I'm not sure how well this suggestion will go down.

OP posts:
JustPoppingIn · 17/09/2016 07:16

How far are they travelling? If it was a longer journey, I would do more than tea and biscuits, bur get DH to arrange.

Meeting newest member of the family is a bit of a celebration.

Purplepicnic · 17/09/2016 07:16

I think they get what they're given. Pizza in the oven is fine!

FruitCider · 17/09/2016 07:16

Tell them you and DH are knackered, so plan on buying take away, but they are more than welcome to bring food with them.

OliviaStabler · 17/09/2016 07:17

You get your dh to reverse the idea of them being fed at yours. Expectations managed.

Stitchfusion · 17/09/2016 07:17

NO. I would expect the dh to organise the food. However, depending on the family, they may think that by 4 weeks post partum you should be well enough to be doing simple tasks like cooking.
either way, telling people to go get a take away is rude. If your dh wont oblige, then just dont do anything at all. And when its time to eat, ask them politely what they brought. howeover be prepared to take some flak for being a crap wife over the next 2 decades because you werent cooking 3 course meals by a month postpartum.
I dont think you should cook a meal btw. I just know the sort of family you are talking about and what they will say. I wouldnt bother with sandwichs as they take time and effort to make and yet will be considered worse than a packet of rich tea biscuits. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. STay stong.

TheDowagerCuntess · 17/09/2016 07:17

Of course you're not being unreasonable - but if they're not a 'shove a pizza in the oven' type of family, then they're probably going to look askance at this suggestion, too.

But sod them. Nobody comes to visit a 4-week old, and expects a home cooked dinner, so all good.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 17/09/2016 07:19

Get the pizza's, if they complain point them in the direction of the chippy

Masketti · 17/09/2016 07:19

Dinner time was witching hour for us so definitely time for guests to leave. Tell them about a local restaurant.

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2016 07:20

Get your dp to ring his mum/dad and say "What shall we do about food today? Shall we have a takeaway, or could you pop into the shop on the way and buy some soup and bread? And could you get some [insert treat food here] because Mavis hasn't got much of an appetite. We've got plenty of tea and biscuits"

Original poster
OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:21

Oh I wasn't expecting them to go elsewhere to eat. The takeaway places are literally across the road so they can bring it all back here.

Last time the inlaws came to visit the baby was only a few days old and they sat on their bums while we fed them lunch and dinner. They're coming again today only with extra family members! I guess this is me trying to put my foot gingerly down a bit.

And I've bought a nursing cover so I can sit and feed DD downstairs this time too.

OP posts:
P1nkP0ppy · 17/09/2016 07:22

If they had an common sense your visitors would have offered to bring food for everyone with them.
I certainly wouldn't expect to turn up and be fed.

DavetheCat2001 · 17/09/2016 07:22

From memory when DS was a baby and the inlaws/my sister and family descended, we just had some salads/ quiches/pizza/potato salad/bread etc for lunch and everyone was happy to just graze on that.

I was in no fit state to cook anything (PND), and if I recall correctly OH's mother bought most of the stuff for lunch en route so it was just a case of laying it out on the table.

Get your DH to pop down to Sainsburys or wherever and grab some bits.

I certainly wouldn't expect to be cooked for if I was visiting a newborn, and if they are then they are def BU in my opinion.

Mistylake · 17/09/2016 07:22

Sounds like they're not your favourite people in the world and you resent them wanting to get to know their newest family member. I guess there's history that explains why your DH can't be bothered to change the shopping day to buy some easy but lovely ready meals. I think take aways are OK if DH/you really can't manage but I'd definitely never let guests get them and pay themselves, I'd either get them delivered or send DH to pick them up. What's DH's role in all this? Is he on better terms with his side of the family? Is he giving you enough support with baby?

PinkFondantFancy · 17/09/2016 07:25

I would get DH to call and explain food will be from takeaway. I wouldn't bother with feeding cover on anyone else's account by the way, I'd openly sit and feed. If it makes anyone uncomfortable, they can remove themselves. Obv if makes you more comfortable then go for it

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/09/2016 07:27

"Sounds like they're not your favourite people in the world and you resent them wanting to get to know their newest family member."

Or maybe THIS is the reason:
"Last time the inlaws came to visit the baby was only a few days old and they sat on their bums while we fed them lunch and dinner. They're coming again today only with extra family members"

There's always one ready to stand up for the guests' rights, regardless of how feckless, selfish and idle they've proven themselves to be before.

OP - phone them before they get here and say "we're not cooking tonight, but if you'd like to pick up takeaway on the way over, we'll be happy to pitch in for a share".