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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell guests to buy themselves a takeaway?

497 replies

OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:08

We have DH's family descending upon us today to visit and meet our four-week-old. They will expect feeding. They're not 'shove a pizza in the oven' kind of family, either.

Would it be rude to point them in the direction of the fish and chip shop and chinese takeaway over the road? We have a small house and there will be five of them. No dining table.

There will be tea and biscuits but that's all I'm planning on having in, our weekly shop is Monday.

Aibu?

OP posts:

GoblinLittleOwl · 17/09/2016 09:01

Send you husband out to buy easy finger food, (sausage rolls, quiches, pizzas, salad, cakes, whatever, nothing that would involve washing up) and have it ready to offer if they show signs of expecting to be fed, with tea and coffee.
You don't want smelly, messy chinese food/fish and chips, with cartons, cutlery etc for 7 people and no table littering up your house.
In-laws can do the preparation. Ha!

HandbagCrab · 17/09/2016 09:03

I would just..
Can't you just...
Get dh to...

You don't want to cook and may not be able to, they won't want to eat what your dh is willing to provide and they won't even say what time they will grace you with their presence. I don't see how anyone in these circumstances can be expected to be catered to.

I don't see why it is the woman's responsibility to look after guests at all which is what so many posts on here seem to be coming from. Even the dh ones are about dh needing direction rather than him getting on with it himself.

I cooked xmas dinner 3 weeks post c section for ungrateful family members who turned their nose up at it as it was m&s and not home cooked. I'd never do this again for anybody. If you don't know people like this irl you probably don't understand why op & her dh can't do jackets with beans and cheese but if ops ils are like this they won't eat it anyway. If they were lovely, go with the flow types I guess op wouldn't be posting.

ImAMorningPerson · 17/09/2016 09:11

You clearly already think it's rude or you wouldn't be posting I reckon.

I'd just get hubby to make sandwiches, get some finger foods like sausage rolls scotch eggs crisps and some cakes, plus drinks, put it down on the table and let everyone help themselves on paper plates and be done.

Takeaway is pricey and doubt they'd want to fork out for it if they're health conscious.

LaurieMarlow · 17/09/2016 09:13

To all the super women on this thread who cooked Christmas dinner for vast numbers/with newborn/while ill.

Where were your DPs in all this? Are they not capable of putting a dinner in the table? Why were they happy to leave you to it?

OP leave your his husband to sort. He's big and bold enough.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 17/09/2016 09:20

To be honest, I'd forget the nursing cover, pop out a breast and start feeding the baby. That's usually good for clearing a room. Or just say "The baby is tired now and I need to lie down too, I find having visitors really draining" and go off to bed.
I think it's beyond rude to visit anyone with a young baby and expect to be fed at all. Especially when the house is small and an extra five adults will probably be a bit of a squeeze.

BoxofSnails · 17/09/2016 09:21

Whilst you aren't being unreasonable you will, if you are like me, feel guilty for not feeding them anyway.
You really need to make yourself eat, and don't your DH and other DC need feeding too? I'd send DH etc out to get baking potatoes to bung in the oven with whatever the kids like with them, cheese, beans, and easy salad bits. It's a nutritious enough meal - they can help, you don't need to do it.
You sound exhausted. Hope you are not stressing instead of sleeping OP, this won't be forever.

Original poster

OohMavis · 17/09/2016 09:25

They've been told we're not cooking. DH made suggestions for dinner which include a nice caribbean place a couple of miles away (they're caribbean so this might appeal). No reply yet.

We ask them what time they're going to arrive every time, FIL ignores us and just turns up. I don't think he likes to work to a schedule.

I know she's not four hours old, and I've been up and about and doing stuff since she was born. Had a nice homebirth, perks of which included being able to make my own tea how I like it but when I'm cooking, I'm cooking for four people (two of which are tiny people) and I'm able to stop whenever I want and quickly pop a boob out to calm DD if she needs it. I can't imagine cooking for 7 adults! Neither can DH, whose speciality is cheesy pasta and cheese on toast, which is very nice and all but not really worthy of feeding a house full of people.

OP posts:

gingercat02 · 17/09/2016 09:25

If you or DH don't want to cook - fine but to ask someone to pay for their own food in your home is rude so you ABU for that. Either pay for the take away or get easy cold food in. Bread, naice ham, lovely cheeses and a big huge cake. Job done

gemmawinegum · 17/09/2016 09:28

haha i love your style. Who in all seriousness expects a new mother to lay on a dinner spread for them? I'd go with the takeaway idea or direct them to the nearest restaurants. if they don't like then they can lump it.

ImAMorningPerson · 17/09/2016 09:28

I like the idea of eating out. Do that!

LaurieMarlow · 17/09/2016 09:30

Missed the bit about the nursing cover. Screw that. You do not need a cover to nurse in your own home. The delicate souls can look away if they're offended.

I hate the damn things, think they're sending out the wrong message entirely. We need to normalise breastfeeding, not normalise hiding behind humongous tents.

BlueCorvette · 17/09/2016 09:34

I don't understand why your DH can't cook.

Maybe make a big shepherds pie or something when you have a spare hour and put it in fridge/freezer?

Or buy a big ready meal and not tell them it's homemade?

BlueCorvette · 17/09/2016 09:35

*Tell them it's homemade

umizoomi · 17/09/2016 09:38

I think I would probably call one and ask roughly what time they will arrive. Then is around lunchtime, get your DH to pop to shops for sandwich /nibbly bits.

If they are there then surely they will have gone by dinner time?

Takeaway would be ok I think but you really have to pay for it IMO

DoinItFine · 17/09/2016 09:43

I'm never paying for food again if so many people are under the misapprehension tyat showing up uninvited atvsomeone's home means they have to give you a free dinner.

DoinItFine · 17/09/2016 09:43

I'm never paying for food again if so many people are under the misapprehension tyat showing up uninvited atvsomeone's home means they have to give you a free dinner.

notthebees · 17/09/2016 09:44

I also don't understand why dh isn't able to get a load of buffet style food from the supermarket.
Op could dh be trying to embarrass you into giving in and cooking a meal by suggesting a takeaway?

penguinplease · 17/09/2016 09:46

If they don't give you a time to expect them I think you should just go out! I hate the assumption that you will just be there and waiting.

DoinItFine · 17/09/2016 09:47

I also don't understand why dh isn't able to get a load of buffet style food from the supermarket.

I'm going with, because he doesn't feel like it.

And neither woukd I after working all week and now having two small children andca house full of chores to attend to on Saturday.

His family have announced that they will show up ay some point today.

That is a drop in.

You don't plan around drop ins.

Eviecat83 · 17/09/2016 09:48

If they haven't given you a time can't you go out and "miss" them? And when asked say you didn't know what time they were coming so popped out?

Artandco · 17/09/2016 09:51

But cooking for 4 or 7 is basically the same, just extra of the same thing.

A dish in a large pot or tray can be made day before and just thrown in oven before guests arrive

Your Dh need to learn to cook more than cheese on toast with three children surely?

foodiefil · 17/09/2016 09:51

This sounds like you don't want them there. Which you might not. As a pp has said I'd ask DH to get some stuff in. You'd HOPE that they would come armed with food and prepared to sort themselves out. But if not, your DH can get a takeaway.

They just want to meet the baby, they're not trying to piss you off.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 17/09/2016 09:52

OP, your DH has your back, and good on him for doing so.

There are no rules, you do what you can when you can. I don't think that you're posting here because you already know/suspect it's rude, I think you're posting here because how to solve the problem has been keeping you awake last night.

Restaurant or takeaway takes the pressure off you and is fine. The alternative is the old favourite, "this is what we're having, take it or leave it."

rainbowstardrops · 17/09/2016 09:53

I think your in-laws are being incredibly rude by not giving you some idea of when they'll be arriving or how long they all intend staying for! Are you expected to just sit there waiting all day until they roll up? Stuff that.

I'd be wanting a rough time and rough duration. Along the lines of, 'Can't wait to see you on Saturday. What sort of time are you thinking? We've obviously got the kids tea to sort later but you're more than welcome to stay for a takeaway once they're settled.'

Hopefully then they'd either say that was a great idea or that they wouldn't impose for that long. Simple.

Put a few biscuits on a plate or a few nibbles if you want.

DoinItFine · 17/09/2016 09:54

But cooking for 4 or 7 is basically the same, just extra of the same thing.

Cooking for 5 adults and 2 children is nothing at all like cooking for 2 adults and two children.

Either you are an awful cook, or you are being totally disingenuous.

Cooking for that number requires more food, bigger pots, more prep time.

She doesn't want to cook.

He doesn't want to cook.

They didn't invite these people, never mind for a meal.

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