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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell guests to buy themselves a takeaway?

497 replies

OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:08

We have DH's family descending upon us today to visit and meet our four-week-old. They will expect feeding. They're not 'shove a pizza in the oven' kind of family, either.

Would it be rude to point them in the direction of the fish and chip shop and chinese takeaway over the road? We have a small house and there will be five of them. No dining table.

There will be tea and biscuits but that's all I'm planning on having in, our weekly shop is Monday.

Aibu?

OP posts:
MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 17/09/2016 07:30

No YANBU. Tell them in advance "I'm obviously shattered at the moment so I'm just going to stick on a pizza we had in the freezer. If you want to grab something for yourself on your way XYZ is just around the corner."

user1471552005 · 17/09/2016 07:33

I would stay out of it.

Tell OH you are not cooking. It's his family, his responsibility, let him sort them out or not.

Imagine another scenario- Oh is feeling a little poorly, your family is coming to visit, Would OH be worrying like this about what they will eat, or suggesting that you phone your parents to suggest a takeaway?
I suspect not. I would take to bed for at least part of the afternoon ( breastfeeding is a perfect excuse) and let everyone including your OH sort themselves out.

Original poster
OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:33

They're perfectly pleasant people, and I'm very fond of the extra family members who are coming today actually! They're just really inconsiderate guests.

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 17/09/2016 07:34

When I visited friends with newborns, I made the meals and washed up and cleaned the bathroom. Aren't you supposed to?

user1471552005 · 17/09/2016 07:35

muffy "I'm obviously shattered at the moment so I'm just going to stick on a pizza we had in the freezer.

The OP has just had a baby. It's her husband's family who are coming to visit. Why is it her responsibilty to act as kitchen maid and events organiser?

Stuff that.

Seeyouontheotherside · 17/09/2016 07:36

Your dh needs to tell them in advance that you will not be providing food so they know their options are bringing their own food, getting a takeaway from across the road or go to a restaurant (i'm sure there are some local to you?). I wouldn't expect anyone to eat a takeaway but I would expect them not to impose on you and have the sense to provide for themselves.

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2016 07:37

Mavis- my post of 7.20 is absolutely what should happen.Grin

Original poster
OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:37

Takeaway was DH's idea. He'll be telling them. I was just wondering if it was considered ultimate bad form to basically tell people to feed themselves with their own money, and whether I should expect to read a thread on here about what a terrible host I am in a few days Grin

OP posts:
Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 17/09/2016 07:37

I would do something like cold meats and salad with some garlic bread or something like that and say ive bought salad stuff its in the fridge just help yourself when youre hungry and see what they do either they wont or will plate meals up for everyone including you and dh , i know where your coming from when my youngest was born he was in scbu when he was 4 days old my inlaws came to visit us and when they arrived had fish and chips for themselves only and said we didnt think you would be up to cooking as though they were doing is a favour , i wasnt impressed and said well we have to eat you know they then proceeded to demand 26 cups of coffee and wouldnt leave when i wanted to go to bed so i gathered up my breast pump and took it upstairs then went to bed without saying a word they then moaned about how rude i had been to dh , good on him though he had a go back saying they were ruder bringing food knowing we hadnt eaten

wayway13 · 17/09/2016 07:38

DHs came to stay for a week when DD was 2 weeks old. Never again! I was exhausted, sore, trying to get the hang of bf and was expected to entertain them too. Don't do it.

I'd get in an oven pizza, sausages rolls etc and give them that. That way you're offering something but it isn't a hassle. If they aren't "pizza in the oven" type people then they can fuck off across the road. I'd do the same for my own side as well as DH's side so it's not even a PIL thing.

MoreCoffeeNow · 17/09/2016 07:39

I wouldn't expect them to pay but otherwise, good plan.

Yika · 17/09/2016 07:40

I would either buy in some cold stuff (quiche, ham, sandwiches crudites) as suggested above or I think your DP should do the honours and go out and buy the takeaway. He could take one of the guests with him to help carry/split costs but I don't think you should actually tell people to go and buy the takeaway themselves.

(I do find it a bit inconsiderate of them not to think of it or offer themselves, but let it go.)

Original poster
OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:41

Aren't you supposed to?

Mumsnet would have you believe that yes, you are. And I would. But apparently mine and DH's family did not get this memo! With any of our three children.

OP posts:
londonrach · 17/09/2016 07:41

Dont see the problem. I have a 7 week and family came i had salads pizza etc and showed them where it was and between them managed to made a very nice lunch. Also small house, kitchen that can fit one person in. Enjoy your new born. If you dont feel like that local pub that does food.

GoldFishFingerz · 17/09/2016 07:42

I'd text them beforehand saying that You have tea and biscuits but will let them sort themselves out food wise as your too exhausted.

bakingaddict · 17/09/2016 07:42

It always makes me laugh reading these threads that it's acceptable to be rude to family member rather than getting an grown adult to sort something for his parents. Tell your DH to plan and cook something for his folks.

furryminkymoo · 17/09/2016 07:42

you need to eat, just eating breakfast when you have a four week old?! Are you breastfeeding? If so you need to eat loads.

Seriously send your DH to the supermarket, buy some healthy soup for you and stuff for sandwiches, crisps etc for a lunch for the in laws. Then he can just do a tray of sandwiches for people to help themselves. Get him to buy a big cake too. You need fat, chocolate cake with a cup of tea?

GoldFishFingerz · 17/09/2016 07:43

Gives them the opportunity to bring something with them

Trifleorbust · 17/09/2016 07:43

It is rude to have guests over at dinner time and not feed them. The baby is 4 weeks old, not 4 hours old, so either ask them to leave by dinner time or get something simple in (vegetable soup and baguettes?). But it is your DH who should be worrying about what his family are going to eat. Why are you worrying about it?

user1471552005 · 17/09/2016 07:44

Why not all go out OP?

I know when my babies were 4 weeks old I was going stir crazy and would jump at the chance of a meal in a restaurant.
A chance to have a little celebration.
A four week breastfed baby is very portable.

MissHemsworth · 17/09/2016 07:45

Loaf of bread/rolls ham, cheese etc few bags of crisps. A cake or some buns....prob wouldn't take long to rustle up that lot & it would avoid any awkwardness. If it's not 'healthy' enough for them then too bad?

Yes they are being inconsiderate but people sometimes can be after you've had a new baby.

Birth of DS2 coincided with us getting a beans to cup coffee machine (fecking thing is now in the garage) we'd have scores of people setting up camp in our living room DH probably didn't sit down all day for the amount of 'waiting' he was doing. I remember being pretty annoyed at the time.

Beachcomber · 17/09/2016 07:47

Can't your DH cook a pot of pasta or something equally cheap / easy ?

I do think it is a bit rude to impose takeaway on people. At least let them know in advance so they can budget for it / bring something else.

Trifleorbust · 17/09/2016 07:47

God, reading some of these is funny. it's only on MN that 'guests' are basically seen as parasites who should be cooking and cleaning in houses they have been invited into - I would never be so rude!

DoItTooJulia · 17/09/2016 07:48

Op, do whatever you want to do, in agreement with your DH.

Congrats on the new baby Flowers

Ditsy4 · 17/09/2016 07:50

Give them the option. It is fish and chips or Chinese meal?
Tell DH to take the orders and go and fetch it. Easy.

I do think it would be rude not to offer something.