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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell guests to buy themselves a takeaway?

497 replies

OohMavis · 17/09/2016 07:08

We have DH's family descending upon us today to visit and meet our four-week-old. They will expect feeding. They're not 'shove a pizza in the oven' kind of family, either.

Would it be rude to point them in the direction of the fish and chip shop and chinese takeaway over the road? We have a small house and there will be five of them. No dining table.

There will be tea and biscuits but that's all I'm planning on having in, our weekly shop is Monday.

Aibu?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/09/2016 22:29

ALERT ALERT! The visit has already passed! The husband told them takeaway and so the ILs and co. decided to leave. The FIL and his gf have form for being shit visitors and tight arses, too.

hks · 18/09/2016 22:32

if it had been your family would you have fed them IMO

expatinscotland · 18/09/2016 22:33

Malcolm, why haven't you told her to get to fuck or some variation of that? Sharon did and her life is much better for it.

cheval · 18/09/2016 22:41

Have they not asked if they need to bring anything with them? Sounds cheeky to descend on someone with a newborn and expect feeding. Also, you need feeding if you're breast-feeding, never mind them.

expatinscotland · 18/09/2016 22:47

'if it had been your family would you have fed them IMO'

Or perhaps if it were her family they would have asked what food they could bring and brought food for everyone and some to leave with the family. Asked if it were okay to bring all the extra relatives. Given a time. You know, just courtesy and consideration.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 18/09/2016 22:49

Give me strength!!

The visit has happened.

The OP has cancelled the cheque.

It was too late to book a spa day or a trip to Maui.

HTH

HandbagCrab · 18/09/2016 23:14

Oh I just would pop down to the allotment to dig up a selection of seasonal, heritage veg to make a delicious stew for 15, seven minutes postpartum. It's so simple I'm sure you could manage it!

Benedikte2 · 18/09/2016 23:20

Dear Mavis, I recognised you from your earlier thread but by the time I started to read this one all your troubles were over. Thank you for initiating a truly entertaining thread. I shan't add any suggestions because I see the cheque has been cancelled. Very well done to you and DH!
Good luck and put your feet up

Iflyaway · 18/09/2016 23:21

Stop being a martyr....

4 week old baby... ?!

Fuck that. They should be bringing food and nappies!
As well as cleaning.

You will learn REAL QUICK! where your priorities lie....

StrangeLookingParasite · 18/09/2016 23:33

Can't people read the thread?

Apparently not. They're far too important to have their contributions wait, even if they're now massively irrelevant.

FFS.

And for what it's worth the rudeness inherent in inviting yourself over cancels out any obligation to cater for people, extra specially when you are immediately post-partum. Very glad they huffed off, the inconsiderate bastards.

SaraBannerman · 19/09/2016 00:05

I expect your husband would love to get his family some food and treat them with respect. I am guessing they are the babys grandparents too. What do you usually serve up for your side of the family? Do they have to pop across to the Chinese takeaway also or are they usually treated a little friendlier? I usually offer any guests of mine something to eat...family gets treated even better. Your husbands family are also your childs family and for that matter yours too.

Hausfrau29 · 19/09/2016 03:11

God, MN is full of people who believe it's your job to please the entire fucking world!!

YANBU, your husband isn't a poor excuse for a human and your in laws are thoughtless but not terrible people. I know all this as I had exactly the same when DD was born - even had people who asked if they could stay with us as they were travelling (we don't have a spare room...). When we pointed that out, the second option was could they camp in our back garden?!?! And some who did camp a few miles away but expected use of our bathroom and meals to be provided.

I felt so guilty about not being able to provide rooms/food/the moon on a stick but wish I'd stuck to "If you want rooms/food/moon on a stick, you're all adults who can sort it yourself". Unfortunately I didn't and it made me resent people when I offered to make them tea/coffee/food and they didn't bat an eyelid when accepting. I even had MIL saying "I can't believe you're up and about - I was in hospital for a week" which she shouted from the living room while I was in the kitchen making drinks...

It's my own fault for being a bloody "perfect" host usually - fresh baking, food on demand and a smile when people turn up unexpectedly. But seriously people, who bloody does that to someone who's just had a baby?!

Some of these family members are the same ones who stayed over the night before my wedding and I had to wake them up on my wedding morning to which they asked if there was any breakfast going?! And I stupidly said yes!!

My husband is a nightmare in the kitchen and it would stress me out more expecting him to cater for a bunch of adults than doing it myself. In his defence, I couldn't change an engine in a car but he can without a second thought - we each have our own strengths and he tried his best to help with household tasks when we had a newborn which I massively appreciated. Take away was a perfectly valid option - it actually surprised me how only 1 friend turned up with any food for me!! Her husband cooked for me in my kitchen and did all my washing up too, I was so grateful to them both I nearly cried! I genuinely though taking food with you to a new family was a thing. And I don't mean for you to share - I mean, you take food round and make sure your out of their fucking way anywhere before meal times so they can enjoy some food without the hassle of guests or cooking.

Oooooo, it's bringing back the anger just thinking about it now!! Haha. Lesson learned for next time though winces at thought of having another child so soon after giving birth

SaraBannerman · 19/09/2016 04:05

There once was a word - hospitality. Now as a dead as a dodo it would seem.

HyacinthFuckit · 19/09/2016 07:00

I expect your husband would love to get his family some food and treat them with respect.

From where did you glean this insight sara? Not any of OPs posts, that's for sure.

Also, may I make a plea that those harking back to some bygone and better era, when guests descended on parents of newborns for lengthy periods whilst expecting to be waited on and bringing fuck all with them tell us when and where they're talking about? Just for educational purposes, obviously.

Hausfrau29 · 19/09/2016 07:26

Sara I'm very hospitable usually, but when you've just pushed an entire human out of your body, I'm sure you can be forgiven for wanting to have someone looking after you for a change instead of carrying on like nothing happened (in which case the guests wouldn't be there in the first place...!) If my worth as a decent human is only based on whether I can ALWAYS provide cups of tea and food for people who turn up at my door, then I've been doing something wrong.

brotherphil · 19/09/2016 07:30

Trifleorbust, I may have misread OP, but it look not not much being rude to guests whom you have invited, as being expected to put on a spread for "guests" who have invited themselves.

beingorange · 19/09/2016 07:38

Im facinated by how many people have suggested garlic bread on this thread. Is it a new thing to offer guests ALL the time?

AppleMagic · 19/09/2016 07:48

The Anthea Turners are out in force on this thread I see.

RestlessTraveller · 19/09/2016 07:52

I don't think it's rude to get a takeaway, but I think you should pay for it.

Cakeycakecake · 19/09/2016 09:19

Read the fucking thread!!!

I'm off to maui for a spa break. Fucking hell.

mumindoghouse · 19/09/2016 09:24

At 4 weeks no one should expect you to cook.
My SILs came round whith DH family en masse bringing food for everyone, and food for our freezer for the next week. And we do the same for them. But that's traditional in his lovely community culture.

Inertia · 19/09/2016 09:39

Cake be sure to cancel the cheque before you leave.

Handbag your standards of hospitality are, frankly, poor. I can't believe you would wait a whole seven minutes after giving birth to go to the allotment, what with you being the only person in the entire family who is capable of operating a kettle, cooker or basic kitchen implements. What you should do is use your powers of telepathy to predict what time your guests will arrive, and go and dig up the vegetables during labour. If the baby's head starts to crown you can just cross your legs.

Personally, I would spend my entire labour preparing a 12 course banquet, and hop out of bed immediately (7 minutes would be sheer laziness) to serve my guests. It's just hospitality.

apringle · 19/09/2016 10:15

If people came to visit me the first month of either of my children, I told them (in a joking but not joking voice) to bring ME food! (Or coffee). Otherwise I'd just order them (and you) delivery that you feel like eating! They should offer to pay but sounds like they're pretty oblivious to the plight of the mom with a newborn and that's gotta be frustrating.

HyacinthFuckit · 19/09/2016 10:37

You should be serving up curried afterbirth.

Hausfrau29 · 19/09/2016 11:00

Hyacinth I wish I'd thought of that! Grin "So tonight we're having steak and chips. And by steak I obviously mean placenta steak. You're welcome to join us... Or you can fuck off. The choice is yours."